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July 2011 Moms
Maybe we should just go to JOP to be married...so upset
So, my fiance and I decided that in order to save money we would elope with our parents present and then have all our family join us at a dinner celebration that evening. When I told my older sister whom I am close with she was upset and wanted to come. After voicing her opinion she called me back and apologized saying that it was up to us and she understands that we are working under constraints. In this area it is common to charge extra for guests even though there is no food etc. Anyway, I had felt bad but if we invite her then there would be others feeling left out and the parents only seemed the safest and most fair situation.
We get a voicemail from SO's brother last night that says he has booked a ticket from NY to come to the wedding! My SO calls bro and gets the low down. I asked SO if the brother wanted to come to actual ceremony or if he would be celebrating with all of family at dinner and he said the brother plans to come to ceremony and he already booked his plane ticket etc. so we must alter our plans. I am okay with it, a little frazzled but figured we can pay an extra $100 or whatever they want for 2 more guests. My main discomfort is that I have another sister and he has a sister and aunts who all want to come and now we are picking and choosing people to invite.
Being busy at work thank goodness I haven't communicated any of this to the wedding vendor who is handling it because jump forward to this evening,, when I get a phone call from future MIL saying that the SO's sister is pissed off because now she heard and wants to come to ceremony.
I am now feeling like a crappy bride because apparently I have pissed off his family and that I am being pushed around by people who have no control over our wedding because HELLO it is not their wedding and they do not have to pay for it. I guess I thought a nice dinner at one of the best restaurants in town was going to be enough for them to celebrate with us. I was dead wrong. I haven't been emotional during pregnancy but I have shopped around and chopped my dream wedding down into something that resembles more of an elopement for our sake just to have people who do not have to live our financial lives ending up angry. I am totally useless tonight...can't even think and am ready to cry and just go to the courthouse. Now, it's either change the location to a local park where # of guests is of no one's business and book an officiant photog OR call this lady at her private place and have her jack up the price for bringing guests. Maybe we should change to the park. I am sooo upset and running out of time.
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Re: Maybe we should just go to JOP to be married...so upset
That was a little rude of your future BIL to book a flight before even speaking to either of you. Just because he bought the plane ticket does he really have to come to the ceremony. Can he wait less than an hour to see you and join for dinner?
We got married in Dec at my church with just our very close family(less than 5 people). And then had small repeat ceremony and official reception 10 months later in September (where we had more money to spend). So we had some family, and close friends that were not too happy they missed our 'real' wedding. But that is how we wanted it, and it fit the best for us to do it that way. It is your wedding and it is your money (if you are the ones paying for it) you should do what makes you happy.
If I were you, I'd go back to the original plan of having only your parents present at the ceremony.
Not sure why the brother gets an invite to the ceremony just because he's flying in. Doesn't make much sense. Also, your DH should be handling calls from his family (MIL and SIL)- not you. He's the one who told you to alter the plans, so he's the one who should be explaining to his family why some are getting an invite and some are not.
I agree with you, sigh. Things seem out of control at this moment.
Completely this! I would much rather have one BIL offend than an entire family. Remember, he is the rude one for inviting himself!
I personally think all of the posters are nuts. It's RUDE for a family member to pay hundreds of dollars and want to come to his only brother's wedding??? Don't you see what's wrong with this picture!? Where have all our family values gone? I would appreciate the fact that he cares enough to want to come to your wedding...and wouldn't consider it a burden or nuisance. Big friggin deal if it costs you a little extra money...I'm quite SURE he's not doing it to get a free meal out of it.
If you think that it's something bad, then maybe it's you who has problems. Someday you will need family around. Don't ever forget that family is always more important than money.
Family is important. But when you don't have money to spend it is "a big friggin deal" and it's incredibly frustrating when other people jump in and make those decisions for you.
OP, I'd say if the original plan was to do the ceremony parents only, that that is the way to go. Be genuine and warm to his family as you would expect him to be to yours, but stand your ground. Only you two can decide what you two can afford. Don't be bullied.
What are you yamerring about? No one said anything about money. And being that you brought it up- weddings are expensive. You have no idea what her and her husband to be's financial situation is. I'm sure if they could, they'd have the entire family there.
You're the one who's being rude. Step down off that high horse.
My family values are great. Thanks.
WOW. It's great that you have a wonderful family - but not everyone has family that we "need" to be around or are they people that we could EVER count on. And OP never mentioned if this was even someone that she was close to. I think your post in assuming a lot about family that just isn't true for everyone.
WOW. It's great that you have a wonderful family - but not everyone has family that we "need" to be around or are they people that we could EVER count on. And OP never mentioned if this was even someone that she was close to. I think your post in assuming a lot about family that just isn't true for everyone.
Personally I think either parents only or include ALL the siblings as it's just kind of weird to have 1 or 2 there...but this is coming from someone who went out of my way to include my now H's adopted siblings in our wedding party b/c we are huge family people!!
Sorry to hear you are so stressed right now!! Hope you & your SO can figure it all out so you 2 are happy - that's what counts!