s/o...."Drama"....When are you considered a reg.

molRN · May 2011

So the PP about the "newbies" posting birth stories got me thinking...What makes someone a regular or known vs a newbie? Just curious on people's thoughts about what qualifies someone as being a regular/known?

I know that I don't post as regularly (mostly because of work schedule, etc). However, I do feel like I post and reply often enough to be considered and recognized as a part of the board and enough to think I'm not considered a newbie here (even though I still don't have the bling that says otherwise).

Thoughts please?

martinimomma · May 2011

My only thought is that this question has come up on all the boards I've participated on in the "loss continuum" (mc/pl, TTCAL and now PgAL) and I don't think there is a black and white answer.

Curious to see what opinions others have on the issue.

shanna82 · May 2011

Yeah, this is a tough question. It was asked on TTCAL a lot also.

Like B&K said, personalizing your siggy helps A LOT! And not just tickers or badges since chances are someone has one just like it. So a picture of some sort or something unique that no one has.

Honestly, maybe it doesn't seem very fair, but I think a lot of us who are probably considered "regulars" did come over from TTCAL and we were considered regulars over there. We've formed friendships and bonds and they have carried over to this board.

And another unfair honesty thing--if you don't post much here, we probably won't remember you as a regular. JMO. Does that suck, well, yes. We all have lives and a lot of us aren't able to post as much as others. Not saying that regulars don't have a life, but maybe they are on bedrest, or are SAHWs, or are able to bump from work, etc. But if you aren't on here very much responding to most of the posts, we probably won't see you as a regular.

I could totally be wrong here though

itsmegin · May 2011

I define regular as someone who has been around a long time and who also posts regularly most of the time. Basically someone I recognize and feel I "know."

I have been on TTGP, a BMB, then M/PL, TTCAL and here, so I too have seen this question asked and debated a zillion times.

damabo80 · May 2011

You need exactly 1,853 posts on this board.

I kid, I kid.

Honestly, it's just about if people recognize you. If you have nothing in your siggy except for a bump ticker or two, you're going to need to post a lot more than someone who has a memorable picture or soemthing similar in their siggy.

If you make memorable posts (either drama-filled, or funny, or insightful, or something else that will catch people's attention), it will take less posts to be recognized than someone who only offers vanilla posts and opinions.

As an example, I remember when Bryanandkatrina came to TTCAL. It only took a handful of her posts for me to start recognizing her, because they were always interesting and insightful. Plus, the Twilight pic helped to cement her in my mind as someone whose posts I wouldn't mind reading.

HTH!

Junebug060609 · May 2011

To me a person is new if I have to ask myself who they are when I see them post.

I like the new faces that come in before delivery day. I figure everyone is/was a newbie at some point, just some of us got aquainted with the loss boards (and one another) before we got to PGAL.

moIRN-You definitely aren't a newbie to me Smile .

rvandiver0705 · May 2011

damabo80:
You need exactly 1,853 posts on this board.
I kid, I kid.
Honestly, it's just about if people recognize you. If you have nothing in your siggy except for a bump ticker or two, you're going to need to post a lot more than someone who has a memorable picture or soemthing similar in their siggy.
If you make memorable posts (either drama-filled, or funny, or insightful, or something else that will catch people's attention), it will take less posts to be recognized than someone who only offers vanilla posts and opinions.
As an example, I remember when Bryanandkatrina came to TTCAL. It only took a handful of her posts for me to start recognizing her, because they were always interesting and insightful. Plus, the Twilight pic helped to cement her in my mind as someone whose posts I wouldn't mind reading.
HTH!

I think this is the perfect answer. I ignore the # of posts, because there are people who can have 15,000+ posts on another board and squat on this one, and people who have 499 posts on this board. First one is a newbie and the second is a regular, KWIM?

I think you'll know if you are a "newbie" if you don't recognize many people, if you don't know their stories (the basics...not the exact details), and if you can't remember the last time you participated in a discussion on the board.

molRN · May 2011

damabo80:

You need exactly 1,853 posts on this board.

Dang it! Haha, I'm really gonna have to ramp it up if I'm gonna be a real regular Sad

I look at people's avatar as well. I'm pretty technically savy, but I still haven't put anything really specifc in my siggy (mostly due to not having a pic I feel comfortable putting up just yet).

KiKiMe · May 2011

I think that is a good/fair question to ask.

I have been around TTCAL, TTCAL 6+ and now here for over a year but I surely don't feel like a regular. I try to get on the board every day/every other day but I don't start a lot of posts. I feel like I mostly respond to posts where I can say congrats/I am thinking of you or something like that. Otherwise I rarely have advice to give or have something to say that is different than the previous posters.

Having said that, I do feel like I know a ton about the regulars on this board and know their stories and I do feel connected.

bryanandkatrina · May 2011

shanna82:
Yeah, this is a tough question. It was asked on TTCAL a lot also.
Like B&K said, personalizing your siggy helps A LOT! And not just tickers or badges since chances are someone has one just like it. So a picture of some sort or something unique that no one has.
Honestly, maybe it doesn't seem very fair, but I think a lot of us who are probably considered "regulars" did come over from TTCAL and we were considered regulars over there. We've formed friendships and bonds and they have carried over to this board.
And another unfair honesty thing--if you don't post much here, we probably won't remember you as a regular. JMO. Does that suck, well, yes. We all have lives and a lot of us aren't able to post as much as others. Not saying that regulars don't have a life, but maybe they are on bedrest, or are SAHWs, or are able to bump from work, etc. But if you aren't on here very much responding to most of the posts, we probably won't see you as a regular.
I could totally be wrong here though

As usual, I agree with Shanna 100% Stick out tongue

Oatoa · May 2011

I've been bumping for the last year and feel like the moment I become a regular on any given board, I move to another one (TTC, Mc/L, TTCAL and now PgAL). Obviously I'm a newbie here, but since I've been lurking for the last 4 months waiting for my BFP I feel like I know a lot of you. Sorry if that sound stalker-esque.

I think PP are right, a regular is someone whose siggy/name you recognize whether it be from this board or another one. We all have lived outside of the bump so I don't think you need to be on all the time. But posting/replying a couple of times a day doesn't hurt.

bryanandkatrina · May 2011

molRN:
damabo80:

You need exactly 1,853 posts on this board.

Dang it! Haha, I'm really gonna have to ramp it up if I'm gonna be a real regular

I look at people's avatar as well. I'm pretty technically savy, but I still haven't put anything really specifc in my siggy (mostly due to not having a pic I feel comfortable putting up just yet).

It doesn't have to be a pic of you or even LO (with regards to the comfort factor). I get more comments on my Twilight siggy pic than I can possibly tell you about, but that's how people recognize me and it's a great conversation starter. The pic can be of anything, as long as it's specific to you and gives us something to remember you by.

The avatars are good as well, but there's so many issues with them (the dang bump is always changing them back to the default) that I honestly don't really look at them anymore. That and they're really small, sometimes it's difficult to make out what exactly they are and therefore difficult to remember.

Just some suggestions.

Mom2Cinderella · May 2011

I don't know. I have only been on this site since I received my BFP. But I do check every day and post/comment about on a daily basis. There are a lot of announcements from people I don't recognize but I just figure that is because they are a lot further than me and I just don't know of them. Sometimes I open the post just because I want to read a happy outcome. If not, I just don't read the ones I don't recognize. I think people remember me because I am neurotic Embarrassed

but I don't think we have to prove ourselves as regulars to be able to post our happy updates. It is a little crazy if someone is never on here and never has a nice thing to say to anyone else, and then comes on here just to announce their birth story. But I haven't taken the time to look at a birth story poster's post history to know if that is the case.

Clerk9 · May 2011

It's tough because I think a lot of people read/lurk way more than posting. Which makes sense, because you're not necessarily going to have something to add to every conversation. Or maybe you won't have time to add it.

When I was working full-time, I posted much, much less. I didn't get home until late &, if I got online, the posts were usually so old by then that I didn't think my comments would be relevant anymore. I did try to offer support when appropriate & not just start AW threads, though.

And I think that's likely what makes someone a "regular": you post enough for people to recognize you. Like PPs said, at first it may just be a screen name, siggy or avatar. (Usually one of the latter options...I still can't remember screen names for some of the "oldies" for some reason!) But, after awhile, I really do think people's personalities come through & you get to know them more like you'd know a friend IRL. That takes time, though &, at most, we've got 40+/- weeks on here so if you don't post a lot people won't get to know you like that.

Having said all that, I personally don't have a problem with people who post less frequently, even if it is just to AW. In that case, I may not open the thread or I may not respond. But if it's someone who's going through a particularly rough situation (or has a friend who is) it DOES bother me if they never update after the initial post.

Man, I'm wordy today. Sorry!

StaceyM06 · May 2011

I consider a regular someone who posts frequently - whether day or night and it can be spread apart (i.e. posting M and T then nothing again until Sat, etc)- and someone I recognize whether just by their sn or sometimes by their siggy. They don't have to have been on TTCAL, IMHO.

ETA: Moirn, I recognize you and thus consider you part of the group and not a newbie!

TeacherVicky · May 2011

This question brings me back to the never ending discussion/argument on TTCAL... "when are you no longer a newbie and allowed to post about your BFP???"

Why do we have to go there?

HadleyS · May 2011

molRN:
damabo80:

You need exactly 1,853 posts on this board.

Dang it! Haha, I'm really gonna have to ramp it up if I'm gonna be a real regular

I look at people's avatar as well. I'm pretty technically savy, but I still haven't put anything really specifc in my siggy (mostly due to not having a pic I feel comfortable putting up just yet).

To me, you are a regular!

This is how I look at it for myself: To some, I will always be a regular. To some, I will never be a regular. To others, I *might* be a regular. I try to make meaningful posts and connect with other members on the board, but know that I don't have time to really connect with the majority.

I am comfortable with that, and I feel like I know who the regulars are, because they post a lot and comment a lot. A regular to me is someone who replies most of the time with a "meaningful response" (and posts at least every week)...not one who always posts a "Great!" or "Awesome!" for beta numbers, "Congrats and welcome" to newcomers" , "Yay for girls/boys!" on gender announcements, and other quick/short replies like that.

Zed58 · May 2011

There really is no number or anything. You'll know you are a regular when you feel like you've been around long enough to consider others your friends. When you feel like you have been through a journey with them. When you've shared their tears, fears and joys and you are able feel their pain and their excitement. That's how you know. When others become more then just some girl off the internet, they become people you care about and you look forward to hearing updates from. When you notice that your friends have been missing for a few days or when they notice your absence.

Because there are so many people at such different stages and we all come from different places, people I consider regulars/friends will be different from people that you consider regulars/friends. I have many friends on here that I met while on mc/pl and ttcal who may or may not be at the same point in their pregnancies as I am, but along the path to where I am now, they have made an impact on me, and I hope that I have been able to do the same for them.

When you feel a connection to others beyond just the words that you type, then you will know that you are a regular.

erinlovesdavid · May 2011

TeacherVicky:

This question brings me back to the never ending discussion/argument on TTCAL... "when are you no longer a newbie and allowed to post about your BFP???"

Why do we have to go there?

This my thought. Who the heck cares?

Either you post enough to form friendships and bonds with others, or you don't. You should know whether you've made friends with people or not...it's not really that different IRL. If you're having a hard time "getting to know" people, then post more. Start more threads, offer more support, just like you would IRL.

If you don't take the time to nurture relationships on here (or any other message board), they won't form. Which is fine, but don't be hurt or offended if you don't get lots of "squees" and "ooohs and aaahs" in response to your posts.

ETA: this post is not directed at anyone in particular, JMO.

HadleyS · May 2011

erinlovesdavid:
TeacherVicky:

This question brings me back to the never ending discussion/argument on TTCAL... "when are you no longer a newbie and allowed to post about your BFP???"

Why do we have to go there?

This my thought. Who the heck cares?

Either you post enough to form friendships and bonds with others, or you don't. You should know whether you've made friends with people or not...it's not really that different IRL. If you're having a hard time "getting to know" people, then post more. Start more threads, offer more support, just like you would IRL.

If you don't take the time to nurture relationships on here (or any other message board), they won't form. Which is fine, but don't be hurt or offended if you don't get lots of "squees" and "ooohs and aaahs" in response to your posts.

ETA: this post is not directed at anyone in particular, JMO.

See, this is just common sense right here, though I have been told several times that it's not that common. Stick out tongue

How could one's feelings possibly get hurt by a stranger on here? If you don't know the people who are congratulating (just using that topic as an example) you and if they don't really know you, why do you care if you don't have a "squee"? For the most part, you get your squees, ooohs, and aaaahs, from your friends, not your acquaintances, no matter how you know them (IRL, FB, TB, etc...).

This also isn't directed to anyone specifically.

psumel13 · May 2011

As someone who only posts from time to time, I know my opinion doesnt carry much weight. But new, old, it doesnt matter to me. If you are participating in honest and valuable conversation, say whatever is on your mind! I think the majority of the ladies here use common sense.

I love to pop in to see whats new with everyone. Even if most dont know me, I feel at home here and enjoy the company of this board.

molRN · May 2011

thanks to those who see me as a regular. i didnt intend to make it about me, just using myself as an example. really just wanted to get some insight and opinoons flowing. looks like mission a complished!

sorry for the spelling and format...bumping from my phone before work

julesjb · May 2011

I feel like it's people you recognize and give/get support from. As I was reading everyones answers I pretty much feel like I am look forward to all PP's birth stories an will be excited to read!!

olivia_eve · May 2011

TeacherVicky:
This question brings me back to the never ending discussion/argument on TTCAL... "when are you no longer a newbie and allowed to post about your BFP???"

Why do we have to go there?

Word. I cannot stand that argument on TTCAL, and I don't like similar ones on here either. There are no requirements that you post here a certain number of times a day or you are a "regular" (which means different things to different people) before you post a birth story. I find birth stories interesting no matter if I know the person or not, so I have no problem with them being here.

DCWJes · May 2011

I am probably not considered a regular. I took a 6 month bump break shortly after my m/c. I couldn't do it. I wasn't ready to TTC and the mc/pgl board was depressing me. I joined TTCAL when I came back and was around for a short time but met a lot of amazing women. This board, I really don't know a lot of people on. I sometimes feel alone. I know its stupid but thats how I feel sometimes. And I know I am not considered a regular.

StephK86 · May 2011

I am a newbie for sure. I already recognize people from either siggys, avatars or my blog friends. I am already greatful I met such wonderful ladies

MrsAtch · May 2011

HadleyS:
erinlovesdavid:
TeacherVicky:

This question brings me back to the never ending discussion/argument on TTCAL... "when are you no longer a newbie and allowed to post about your BFP???"
Why do we have to go there?
This my thought. Who the heck cares?
Either you post enough to form friendships and bonds with others, or you don't. You should know whether you've made friends with people or not...it's not really that different IRL. If you're having a hard time "getting to know" people, then post more. Start more threads, offer more support, just like you would IRL.
If you don't take the time to nurture relationships on here (or any other message board), they won't form. Which is fine, but don't be hurt or offended if you don't get lots of "squees" and "ooohs and aaahs" in response to your posts.
ETA: this post is not directed at anyone in particular, JMO.
See, this is just common sense right here, though I have been told several times that it's not that common.
How could one's feelings possibly get hurt by a stranger on here? If you don't know the people who are congratulating (just using that topic as an example) you and if they don't really know you, why do you care if you don't have a "squee"? For the most part, you get your squees, ooohs, and aaaahs, from your friends, not your acquaintances, no matter how you know them (IRL, FB, TB, etc...).
This also isn't directed to anyone specifically.

Um, do I know you? Stick out tongue

Eh, I feel like I know a lot of the women on here, and they know me. I try to keep up with the new folks but it takes a while for me to associate a name with a person.

sisterrael · May 2011

Clerk9:

It's tough because I think a lot of people read/lurk way more than posting. Which makes sense, because you're not necessarily going to have something to add to every conversation. Or maybe you won't have time to add it.

This is true for me. I read these boards almost daily and I would be a chronic "Liker" if a like button were available. I feel like I know a lot of you, familiar with your stories, your questions, your hot button issues. But, I feel like a newbie because I often don't have something that adds significantly to the conversation.

....like this comment that doesn't quite make sense at all!

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