Special Needs
ToastieSimons
member
For those who have multiple children and one is immobile
ToastieSimons
member
How did you handle having subsequent children. DS cannot sit so it's very difficult. He's only 11 mo so obviously he can't walk or crawl, but unless he overcomes his extensor reflex he won't really be able to sit or walk.
I do hope to have more children but looking at it realistically, I have no idea how I would take care of DS's needs 8 mo pregnant or with a newborn.
To my boys: I will love you for you Not for what you have done or what you will become I will love you for you I will give you the love The love that you never knew
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Re: For those who have multiple children and one is immobile
My son can sit and is starting to pull to a stand and scoot at 2 years old, but he still needs quite a bit of support. I am 8 months pregnant right now with our second, and I will tell you that my husband has to do most of the lifting and caring for him. He is also on a small amount of oxygen and has a feeding tube. I can't wait to have this little one so that I can again be able to interact more with my son again.
I know this doesn't help a whole lot since our 2nd child is not born, but I just wanted to give you a perspective on being very pregnant and having a child with physical needs.
I have 2 sons. DS1 is almost 3 and is typical. DS2 is 18mos and has CP. He cannot sit without support, tries to pull up but can't do it unless he is in tall kneel position, and can cruise the length of the coffee table. DH and I are on the fence about whether to have a 3rd or not.
I didn't have any trouble being pg with a toddler in regards to picking up, holding, etc. In regards to DS2 sitting, at this point, he either sits with me behind him or next to him when we are practicing (floor on bench sitting), and we use a bumbo for him to sit in when we travel since he cannot sit in a restaurant high chair. Another option for us will be to use his stroller when he outgrows the bumbo for sitting. As for getting in/out of the car, I put DS1 in first and close the door (he climbs into his car seat himself) and then I put in DS2. I did that when DS2 was a newborn also too, although in public, I would put the baby in first have and DS1 stand with his hands on the car. If I had DS2 and a newborn, I'd probably put DS2 in first since he cannot help get himself in and then I'd put the newborn in since the newborn can be in the car seat on the ground (since I take the carseat in with me). As for shopping, I'd have DS1 in the cart and I'd wear DS2. If I had DS2 and a newborn, I'd probably wear him and have the baby in the car seat in the cart. If it was really hard, I'd do errands when DH was home to watch the kids or if he was deployed I'd have a babysitter come over to watch the kids as I ran errands (that would also be a "break" and some "me time"). I'm not really sure what kind of advice you are looking for so I'm just giving examples of things I have done or would do.
The hardest thing for me, by far, is going to the park or anywhere else public where DS2 "should" be able to do what any typical 18mos old does. But he can't. And that is what is hard. For lack of a better phrase, that is when it really smacks me in the face that DS2 is so different from typical children. Plus, at the park by myself, I have a hard time playing with DS1 because DS2 has to be physically with me. Needless to say, I don't go to the park or other public places where kids play by myself very often.
I would think while the new baby is a newborn it won't be as hard as when the new baby starts to become mobile. I'm not in your exact situation so I'm not sure how different caring for your LO is then DS2.
my son is 2 and immobile; so i also wonder the same thing. he has very low tone and cannot yet fully hold up his head so he does need to be cared for all of the time. i hope to have more children as well. i think (for us) whatever we have to do will fall into place. i don't think my son will ever be very large so i don't think lifting him would be a problem....not anymore than that of a person who has a typical child who wants to be carried if you're pregnant. i imagine i probably would not be going very many places alone for at least a little while.
i have to say, before we had our son i would always wonder how people with a special needs child do it, especially if they also have a typical child. but i've learned that you just do. and i think a sibling for a special needs child is a wonderful thing and a wonderful thing for the family overall.
I don't have an immobile child, but ,my perspective as a mom of two is this. It sucks to be hugely pregnant with a toddler/preschooler, no matter what. Right when I became gigantic and waddle-y, DS figured out that he could run away from me in the grocery, and I couldn't catch up, lol. So I had to carry him out of the grocery 8 months pg.
I assume you have a good stroller. If not, invest in one, and you will just be lifting in and out of carseats, etc. I am not sure the details of how you handle it at home, but I would imagine the hardest things when pg would be the lifting. So try to arrange things so that you do minimal lifting, and your DH dresses/undresses and does baths when he is home, etc.
Like I said, DS was mobile, so I know it doesn't really compare, but I think you will find that although you will be exhausted an uncomfortable at the end of a PG, well.... you would be no matter what! And your body will be used to all the tasks so it won't be as bad as you are imagining, IMO.
Now with a newborn.... for me personally it took a good 4-6 weeks to feel up to caring for DS after the birth. We started out with DH home, then hired a friend for 10$ an hour to come care for DS during the day. Basically, DH would go into work, and hr later she would come (and I would spend that hour sitting on the couch, nursing, lol) and she would stay until about an hr before DH got home. We slowly cut down the amount of time she came until I was able to handle it all day. At the time it seemed like a lot of money, but my sanity was wellllllll worth it!
I have a daughter who's 19.5 months and still not walking. It was ok until recently (I'm 8 months pregnant). My sciatic nerve is killing me now and lifting her is tough. However, she does crawl, so worst case scenerio she can crawl wherever we are. Putting her in and out of the carseat isn't too bad, and she can walk a bit if I hold her hand.
I'm usually ok until about 5pm and then my body feels like it's falling apart. Thank goodness DH gets home around that time!