I'm at the beginning of my 3rd trimester, and bottomed out in terms of loneliness, sadness, etc when it comes to the quality of my marriage right now. My frustration primarily stems from the fact that my husband is willing to help in all kinds of ways, but only when I ask him, outright and with details, for some kind of help or support. He will make dinner if I ask him outright, plan the recipe, buy the groceries, etc. He will listen to me when I talk to him, if I make an issue of it and ask for his attention. He will have sex with me if I ask him to (i.e. coming to bed in lingerie, naked, etc). He will spend time with me if I plan an activity or ask him point blank. There is very little he does without my asking him (other than video games). And if I do ask him to do something simple ("Will you take this toilet paper to the downstairs bathroom?"), I later find the TP on the counter, next to the sink, rather than under the cabinet where it belongs. Last week, when I said that I had to work late, then get groceries, he made plans to join friends for happy hour, when it would have been REALLY great to have him offer to get the groceries himself.
This is not really new to our marriage/relationship, although early on he was more inclined to do things for me and our marriage without my nudging or asking, but that has definitely tapered off. One of the things I fell in love with about him was his interest in and willingness to plan our dates -- he always had a restaurant, activity, dessert spot, etc., all picked out and arranged. And the pregnancy/emotions/hormones basically mean that I'm no longer very tolerant of the feeling that I have to initiate or ask for every bit of attention or help from him -- I'm much more inclined to just do it myself, or skip it.
The question is --what do I do? Keep quiet, and hope it gets better? Professional counseling (if so, can anyone recommend a good person in the Leesburg, VA area?)? Conversation starters?
Every time I try to think through the conversation I know that we need to have, it basically comes out sounding like lots of accusations about nit-picky things, and that isn't going to solve the problem. I'm afraid that labor/deliver will be terrible because I will have to think of, and ask for, any/all support, encouragement, etc. Of course, I realize that a ton of this is completely my fault, because my attitude toward it is what has changed -- he hasn't changed, at least not drastically or particularly recently, and I don't honestly expect him to ever have a dramatic 180 reversal. I just need to figure out strategies to cope, either to move him a little bit more toward what I need (anticipating, and thinking through my needs), and/or to give myself strategies to let things go, look at things in a more positive light, or ask for things in a different way.
Wow, sorry for the crazy long post. If you've read this far, thank you. If you have any thoughts, ideas or suggestions, please let me know!