Does/did anyone feel this way?

BritanyV · May 2011

I had 2 losses last year and this is my 3rd pregnancy in just a little over a year. With the 1st loss, I knew right away something was wrong. With the 2nd one, I was nervous but hopeful and then blind sighted by the missed miscarriage at 13 weeks.

Now, I'm pregnant again, by choice, we've been trying. Yet I don't find myself really excited. It's not like I feel something is wrong, it's just like it's so hard to believe that everything will be okay therefore I have no feelings about the pregnancy.

I guess I just feel that if I'm not excited about it and if, God forbid, something happens to this pregnancy, that it's *my* fault for not being excited....yes, I know that is absolutely crazy!

Has anyone else felt this way? Is it normal to feel this way?

rvandiver0705 · May 2011

I felt that way for a while. Honestly, I believe that my psyche was trying to protect me. Every ultrasound broke down another wall, and now I know that I love this little girl just as much as I loved her brother. Give yourself time, and don't feel guilty for how you feel. You have 9 months to get to a place where it is second nature. It will come.

StaceyM06 · May 2011

I think it's a normal defense mechanism. I just started getting excited after a good NT scan yesterday (and it was the first time I mentioned anything about future planning for LO), but I'm cautious again today. I also feel guilty at times for not being more excited.

AimmeeJo · May 2011

Totally the same here, I'm hoping after my NT scan and once I hit 2nd trimester I will become more excited......

BritanyV · May 2011

Thanks, it's good to know I'm not the only to feel this way. I think the NT scan will be the hurdle for me, because that is where we found out about the last loss. Since I was at 13 wks for the scan and wasn't having any complications, we had pretty much let all of our guards down and were getting excited to get a devastating let down at the scan.

I hate m/c's and what I hate even more about them is how they taint future pregnancies!

ETA: My edd from my last loss is this week, which isn't really helping matters right now, definitely overly emotional about everything.

allybaby85 · May 2011

Yes. I think what you are feeling is totally normal. I feel exactly the same way. I am starting to find myself getting more excited but also more nervous as I get closer to the time in pregnancy when I lost Lillyan. I feel guilty some times because I don't think I am excited for this baby like I was for Lillyan although he is wanted sooooo much.

ravenorchid · May 2011

I"m so sorry for your losses. It's absolutely normal to feel that way. Until very recently, I felt like there was a good chance that something would go wrong. Only now am I starting to think this could be our take home baby.

Fififa21 · May 2011

I think your feelings are completely normal. I?m kind of the opposite. I tend to get very happy and excited and hopeful in the beginning and then the bottom dropped out of me the past two times, so I?m hoping it doesn?t happen again!

quezzo · May 2011

It's normal. I had two losses too last year and I still have days where I feel like this isn't going to happen.

iggy.d · May 2011

Unfortunately I think it's pretty normal for PgAL. I was more nervous/worried than excited. It wasn't until after the NT scan that I actually allowed myself to feel hopeful and share the news with my sister. The more time that passes, the better I feel, and these days I AM more excited than worried. You're not alone.

Eris-Alexis · May 2011

I think it is perfectly normal to feel that way. I was blindsided by our first loss because we had made it into the second trimester (just barely) and I thought I was safe. I got PG again our first month trying and just knew that it wasn't a viable PG. With this LO, I seem to be alternating between believing that I really am PG and being optimistic, and then terrified that I am going to have another loss.

Unfortunately, when you have experienced loss, it changes your entire perspective for all future pregnancies. Just keep reminding yourself that "Today I am pregnant, and I love my baby".

GL! Wishing you a very H&H (and uneventful) 9 months.

iluvmylab · May 2011

I think that's why God made it take 9 months! You may not remember me, but when I first showed up on the loss board, your reply to my post was very helpful, so I hope to do the same for you in return.

I was terrified when I got pregnant again. I cried when I saw the stick, not because I was happy, but because I was scared. All I could think about was that feeling of loss and thinking, "what if that happens again? I can't do this again." Granted, I wanted that child, we tried to get pregnant, but I was still scared. For a couple of weeks, I tried not to think about the baby at all. I didn't even figure out an EDD. I felt awful for not being more excited, but I just couldn't bring myself to get that way for fear of losing again.

With every week that passes, I feel better. When I saw the hb on the u/s at 6 weeks, I just couldn't believe it. I have another u/s next Wednesday and I am scared. I have no reason to think that anything is wrong, but it is hard. You are normal, perfectly normal! But things do get better.

BritanyV · May 2011

iluvmylab:
I think that's why God made it take 9 months! You may not remember me, but when I first showed up on the loss board, your reply to my post was very helpful, so I hope to do the same for you in return.

I was terrified when I got pregnant again. I cried when I saw the stick, not because I was happy, but because I was scared. All I could think about was that feeling of loss and thinking, "what if that happens again? I can't do this again." Granted, I wanted that child, we tried to get pregnant, but I was still scared. For a couple of weeks, I tried not to think about the baby at all. I didn't even figure out an EDD. I felt awful for not being more excited, but I just couldn't bring myself to get that way for fear of losing again.

With every week that passes, I feel better. When I saw the hb on the u/s at 6 weeks, I just couldn't believe it. I have another u/s next Wednesday and I am scared. I have no reason to think that anything is wrong, but it is hard. You are normal, perfectly normal! But things do get better.

Yes, I remember you Big Smile Congrats on your pregnancy. Thank you (and everyone) for their encouragement. I just feel awful for feeling the way I do (because I do very much want another child) but I see that it is normal and I'm glad to hear that everyone's feeling changed or is changing over time.

ellebelle2384 · May 2011

I agree with everyone else that it's completely normal. Just keep telling yourself "today I'm pregnant and I love my baby".

OneThree70 · May 2011

Hi, I am in exactly the same boat. You are not alone. I had a missed (or was it called Incomplete) miscarriage 3 months ago and got pregnant right away after trying, now 6 weeks, but somehow Im feeling the same. I cant be excited because in a way I am traumatized by the past. In my case, its a bit early but i dont have many symptoms, so every day I feel like maybe the pregnancy is not viable. The best thing you can do is cherish your pregnancy today and send good thoughts to it, and not dwell on the past or worry about the future. We cannot control what happens and if something is right, it will fight and come into this world. I hope that you will continue your pregnancy to term and I hope you can wish the same for me!! Remember, just be in the now.

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