I feel like a bad person right now... (vent)

Enami · May 2011

Ok, so my semester is officially over at 9:30 tomorrow morning. My last semester as a student for the foreseeable future. And all I've done today is stress about everything.

First off, I have a job. Part-time, swing shift, where I can effectively work any day of the week between 9am and 9pm, and usually don't find out what my next two week's shifts are until 2-3 days ahead of time. Planning anything that doesn't require time off sucks. Now, they've been awesome working with me during school for the past 2 and half years (why am I at this ***-hole job still???), and I was considering taking a summer course June-July since I have to be off this fall. Now, that would force to me to go back to working weekends only like I've been doing (job is 1.5 hour drive from school, at minimum wage). Should I A) take the class and have a super reduced pay-check for 5 weeks or Not take the class and just work? I have the lease on my apartment til August (this was cheaper than living in the dorms for 8 months), but was moving back home at semester's end and just coming back for those 5 weeks.

Second, my FI doesn't have a job right now. He gets enough grants and scholarships to cover all his tuition and then some, so he'd only been working during the summers and taking above full-time course loads during the semesters. He's moving to to Kent in the middle of summer to take his summer classes the same time I'd be taking mine. and it really isn't feasible for him to work where he lives now and drive back and forth (we're from the same town). But who's going to be flexible with a college student during the summers, in either place?

Third, I'm frustrated at our living situation. We can't afford to move in together this fall, because he'll be commuting from home to school, then moving up to school town in the spring (because 73 miles one way isn't happening 8 times a week with gas over $4/gal.). He's moving in the spring, that has to happen, he can get student loans to pay for it. I'd like to move then too, but then who will watch our 3-4mo.old? I'd be working at minimum wage pretty much anywhere I go, and he'll be in class Mon-Thurs. about 8 hours a day, and while we can get childcare through the university, they only take kids 18+mo. There's no way we could afford day cares in the area, and I really don't know about in house sitters (this is a college town). If I stayed home, I'd get free childcare (both my mom and MIL have offered, and my mom actually does in house sitting for two little boys). If I move and pay, I know I'll be dealing with them saying I should've just stayed home and saved some more money. But I'd really like us to be together as a family unit, not living separate and me feeling like basically a single mom. GAH!!!

So I guess I hate my job and the fact that I can't quit, I hate that FI isn't working right now and will probably have issues with it in the fall, I hate trying to figure out childcare. I hate being pregnant. And now I'm a bad person.

jerilyn&dave · May 2011

First of all...you're not a bad person... you're a very stressed out mom-to-be! Though my husband lives with me now, I thoroughly get the stress you're going through. My husband hasn't had steady work for many, many months and it's incredibly stressful thinking about it all! So although it may seem hopeless now, please don't blame yourself. There's alot of not fun things about pregnancy that I wish someone would have warned me about (seriously...where the heck did my energy go to?!). But remember at the end of all this stress, you'll be a mom with a little one that thinks the world revolves around you and loves you so, so much! (I'm reminding myself here too...cause the stress takes away from that.) You'll be in my T & P, and I hope that this improves for you soon! I wish you the best and send you a big hug.

JaninneAlvarado · May 2011

I'm not going to lie, but I went through something very similar when I was pregnant with DS#1. Our hometowns were between 3 1/2 hours and 4 hours from where we were going to college. I studied at Sacramento State University and he studied at Whyotech in West Sacramento. I worked full time and went to school full time while he also went to school full time. He was in a tedious 9 month program. Anyways, I made the decision of putting my studies on hold when DS was born and move back home where I had a ton of help watching DS while I worked, and there is a community college here so it worked out. I know that it seems hard to be away from FI at this new beginning but it is what it is and you have to do what's best for you. My DH had to take out a loan to live off of as I moved back to my hometown. We did this from Aug-Dec and we had a really rocky relationship due to other things. Seems like you are making good choices so far and you might have to go out on a limb for a while but do what's best for you and Aidan!!

beazbadazme2 · May 2011

You mentioned Kent. If this is Ohio then Kent is in Portage County. You can apply, as a student for aid through Portage County. You may qualify for Title XX, which is daycare assistance. You would pay what you can afford (if anything) and the state would pick up the rest.

Whether this is Ohio or not, the county should be able to help. Regarding sitters, if this is Ohio, since I live close to Kent, I may be able to help you find a in home sitter but if you get Title XX (may be called something else in different counties) they have a list of commercial and private daycares.

moxie9 · May 2011

I don't really have any helpful advice for you, but you are for sure not a bad person! Is your FI this concerned about your living situation/education as you are? If not, he needs to rethink some priorities--it sounds like you're shouldering the majority of the financial and emotional burden. Also, whatever you do, your baby is the most important thing which means in order to provide for your baby, your education is extremely important. You have some tough decisions to make, but don't forget about YOU.

(Also, if your college has online classes, that's a great way to get through some credits. And, as PP said, there's programs out there to help you take care of your baby AND get an education.)

Enami · May 2011

beazbadazme2:
You mentioned Kent. If this is Ohio then Kent is in Portage County. You can apply, as a student for aid through Portage County. You may qualify for Title XX, which is daycare assistance. You would pay what you can afford (if anything) and the state would pick up the rest.

Whether this is Ohio or not, the county should be able to help. Regarding sitters, if this is Ohio, since I live close to Kent, I may be able to help you find a in home sitter but if you get Title XX (may be called something else in different counties) they have a list of commercial and private daycares.

This is Kent Ohio! But our permanent addresses are in Tuscarawas County, so I don't know if that would affect it? This is something to look into, I hadn't heard of it, thank you so much! I had been thinking about in home sitters, but since we haven't settled on what the heck we're doing yet, I really hadn't been looking into anything particular. Thanks for the help, now I've got a starting point!

Enami · May 2011

moxie9:
I don't really have any helpful advice for you, but you are for sure not a bad person! Is your FI this concerned about your living situation/education as you are? If not, he needs to rethink some priorities--it sounds like you're shouldering the majority of the financial and emotional burden. Also, whatever you do, your baby is the most important thing which means in order to provide for your baby, your education is extremely important. You have some tough decisions to make, but don't forget about YOU.
(Also, if your college has online classes, that's a great way to get through some credits. And, as PP said, there's programs out there to help you take care of your baby AND get an education.)

Yes, he's just as worried as I am. But that's why we decided on him finishing and me taking the time off to work. He's closer to graduation than I am, his GPA is higher, he's on track to do the PhD program, his field has much better placement and pay than mine. He's in accounting, I'm in art history.

As for online classes, Kent State's are a joke. He was taking an online class so he wouldn't have to commute more than 2 days a week, but they cancelled it for no reason (he's emailed the head of the department and his advisor, no reasons given; the class was full), and none of my classes are offered online. Especially when you get into upper class work (for us, the 30000 and 40000 levels), online courses are almost non-existent. My only lower level classes I need are foreign language, and you can't do those online (but you can try and test out through an external testing agency).

We actually could get on-campus childcare through the university, but they won't take children under 18 months. Its so lame.

Enami · May 2011

Thanks for all the replies and advice! I know this is awhile after my original post, but its been hectic with finishing the semester and moving, but I didn't forget. I really appreciate the words of encouragement. Smile

heateacher · May 2011

You know, when I was in college my college's career center had babysitting job postings in a binder for students to read through. I wonder if you could connect with some other moms at the college and set up a sharing situation where a student watched a couple kids at once, and then you could share the cost?

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