2nd time + - DH just not as "into it"?

budswife · May 2011

This is baby #2 for us, and DH just doesn't seem to be as excited as he was the first time around. I know not everything is "new" - even I don't think about the baby 24/7 - because I have our little girl to think about too.

I left hte house in tears this morning because DH doesn't want to go to our big US on Thursday. I can understand not wanting to go to the "pee/weigh/leave" OB appts, but the big US? Seriously? With DD, he didn't miss a single OB appt - he certainly wouldn't have missed a chance to peek at the little one.

I'm also frustrated because the reason he doesn't want to go is because it would mean getting all 3 of us up and out the door by 7 - which yes, means a busy morning. He wanted to know why the apointment had to be so early. (I made the appt early specifically so he could go - he works 10-6, an hour away). Then he wanted to know why we had to go to a hospital so far away (45 min) for the ultrasound. (I am over 35, so my OB wanted me to go to a "specialty" place where they specializing in detecting birth defects, etc, just in case.) And mind you - the hospital in in the same direction as his work - so he will be almost there when we are done!

He missed the nuchal scan (I can't remember the actual name) for the same reason. And as I was headed out the door that day he felt really bad and really regretted it - but it was too late to get him and DD ready by that time. And he promised that he would come to the next one.

I know he'll end up coming on Thursday, I'm just so disappointed that he doesn't seem to be all that excited about the activities related to this baby.

Does anyone else notice this?

mabma80 · May 2011

Wow. Really? The big u/s he doesn't want to go? I'm sorry he's less enthused by it this time around. Maybe as it gets closer he'll start changing his mind. Have you asked him why he seems to be complaining a lot more with this pregnancy and taking it for granted, more then the first?

I know with my DH he literally was counting down the days to the BIG u/s. And to the birth for that matter.

I would have a sit down with him and ask him what's up. Wouldn't hurt.

Good luck!

BritClen · May 2011

could you change the time? maybe ask him what time and date would work for him. then he doesnt have a reason.

budswife · May 2011

Thanks ladies. DH and I will definitely have a conversation about this. I actually feel bad venting about him online, because he is an AWESOME dad. If he was a jerk, I wouldn't feel guilty spilling on the internet, but he truly isn't. Maybe that's why my feeling were extra-hurt.

He just called me on his way to work. He told me the reason he resisted right away is because the terrible traffic on the roads we'll have to drive that morning really stresses him out. (I can vouch for that - it IS horrible. But thankfully we don't have to do it every day.)

He also admitted that he doesn't get as excited about seeing the ultrasound pictures as I do. He said he felt the same with DD. He said what's most important to him is to hear that the baby and I are ok. And he said he doesn't get so excited about seeing the pictures - but he's really excited to see the finished product. He finished by saying that he will go to the US with me - because he knows it's important to me.

I knew he would end up going, but I guess I just wished he were more excited about it.

crzygirl · May 2011

budswife:

Thanks ladies. DH and I will definitely have a conversation about this. I actually feel bad venting about him online, because he is an AWESOME dad. If he was a jerk, I wouldn't feel guilty spilling on the internet, but he truly isn't. Maybe that's why my feeling were extra-hurt.

He just called me on his way to work. He told me the reason he resisted right away is because the terrible traffic on the roads we'll have to drive that morning really stresses him out. (I can vouch for that - it IS horrible. But thankfully we don't have to do it every day.)

He also admitted that he doesn't get as excited about seeing the ultrasound pictures as I do. He said he felt the same with DD. He said what's most important to him is to hear that the baby and I are ok. And he said he doesn't get so excited about seeing the pictures - but he's really excited to see the finished product. He finished by saying that he will go to the US with me - because he knows it's important to me.

I knew he would end up going, but I guess I just wished he were more excited about it.

Do you know the sex of the baby? Is he scared about not getting what he wants?

budswife · May 2011

crzygirl:

Do you know the sex of the baby? Is he scared about not getting what he wants?

No, we are not planning on finding out (his choice, actually, but ok with me too). Maybe that's why he isn't as excited - if we were going to find out, maybe he'd be more invested in going.

meredith anastasia · May 2011

that seems odd - my DH is more in to it this time than last, since it's more real. I'd have a long chat with him on if he's worried about other things?

Ginkeez · May 2011

My husband tells me that he feels guilty that he isn't as excited because he has done it all before already, but he is still excited about having a new baby. And he comes to every single one of my appointments so he doesn't miss "a heartbeat". No way he would miss the ultrasound. I think that's crazy. Have you asked your husband why he isn't as interested? Maybe he's struggling with loving another child. Or maybe he's going through something else. It doesn't seem right to me, and I think you deserve an explanation.