Should I Intervene?

StrawberryAlarmClock · May 2011

My friend's DH buys his own mother gifts for mother's day. She lives in England, so he is free on Mother's Day every year. They have 2 boys: 4 and 1 yo and he has never done anything for my friend for Mother's Day. No card, no breakfast in bed, not even "You're a great mom to our boys. Thank you." Nada. She asked him about it after her first Mother's Day with DS1 and he said "you're not my mother". He said when the boys are big enough, THEY can celebrate with her. She always gets gifts for him from the boys for Father's Day. She is really bummed and not excited for tomorrow at all. I'm friends with both of them. Should I gently suggest he do something for her or stay out of it?

Sinafey · May 2011

I think it depends on your relationship with him. If you two are friends I'd probably make a comment about it being kind of crappy, but totally not push the subject.

anna7602 · May 2011

I would stay out of it. It's their relationship. But, like Fred said, you can send her a card and point out really specific things she does that make her a great mommy.

StrawberryAlarmClock · May 2011

fredalina:
Send her a card.

Duuuuude. Why didn't I think of that?!

kacelle · May 2011

fredalina:
Send her a card.

This. And I might casually ask the husband, "What are you and the boys doing for (your friend) for Mother's Day?" to start a conversation without being accusatory.

Dani0701 · May 2011

That's weird! I can't believe after her buying him stuff for father's day, he wouldn't get the hint! I'd tell her not to worry, and don't do anything for him on father's day. Not being tit-for-tat, but just to let him know how it feels. Father's day is next month, right?

virgospiderette · May 2011

her husband sounds like a jerk.... you may not want to get involved.... she's the one who married him.... totally send her a card though.....

andrea922 · May 2011

Also, Mother's Day is in March in England, so it isn't like he has to think of something for his mom and his wife at the same time. I would stay out of it but agree with sending her a card.

Harper'smom · May 2011

fredalina:
Send her a card.

This. He may not celebrate her but you can.

SteelCityBride · May 2011

Harper'smom:
fredalina:
Send her a card.
This. He may not celebrate her but you can.

Yes

StrawberryAlarmClock · May 2011

Done! I found a cute moms-of-boys card and a potted orchid. Great idea, Fred. Plus, it is too much to hope that if her DH sees other people doing his job, he may be spurred to action??

erbear · May 2011

Stay out of it. What he's saying makes sense and if the friend has an issue with it, she needs to talk to him. Not your business.

BlondeBeachBride08 · May 2011

I have a few friends who have decided not to celebrate mothers/fathers day until the little ones are old enough to instigate. I don't agree with it but it's not my family. However, I think with a 4 year old it's time. Dad can help the older boy with a gift, you know?

I think sending her a card is a great idea.

KateLouise · May 2011

My answer to the, "you're/she's not my mother why should I do anything for you." is, "well you're not Jesus, but I still merry Christmas to you and buy you a gift."

And really he's just being an ass. Why not at least say thank you to your wife for being a mother to your children?

But I digress, should you intervene? depends on how close you all are. is he normally an ass, or is this just one of those, "he's a truly great guy, and he just has blinkers on for this one thing"?

Do you feel like a gentle conversation would help enlighten him to his wife's hurt feelings? If yes, and you feel comfortable having the conversation, then maybe a gentle nudge isn't a bad idea.

If he's just likely to blow it off and then *** to his wife about you, then leave it alone.

StrawberryAlarmClock · May 2011

KateLouise:
My answer to the, "you're/she's not my mother why should I do anything for you." is, "well you're not Jesus, but I still merry Christmas to you and buy you a gift."
And really he's just being an ass. Why not at least say thank you to your wife for being a mother to your children?
But I digress, should you intervene? depends on how close you all are. is he normally an ass, or is this just one of those, "he's a truly great guy, and he just has blinkers on for this one thing"?
Do you feel like a gentle conversation would help enlighten him to his wife's hurt feelings? If yes, and you feel comfortable having the conversation, then maybe a gentle nudge isn't a bad idea.
If he's just likely to blow it off and then *** to his wife about you, then leave it alone.

Haha. I love your analogy! He's a bit of a blockhead but does love her and can take criticism without turning it on her. He's a co-worker of mine so I've seen him tick. He stands his ground and argues whether he's right or wrong. Then, he thinks about it and comes around but acts like it's his idea to save face. If I talked to him my prediction is he'd blow me off but then come riding in on a white horse and save the day with a gift or flowers making himself look good. I think. Not sure. Anyway, I left it alone and got her a card and a flower.

PlainandTall · May 2011

I'm imagining the guy scratching his head on Christmas morning... "Gee I don't know kids, Santa always left a bunch of presents at MY house when I was a child."

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