Scared to death about going into labor...

angela9602 · May 2011

My whole entire my life my worst fear has been giving birth... Now that Im pregnant Im terrified..I cant sleep sometimes at night because Im just laying there thinking about it... Im super excited to be a mom and meet my baby but the process of getting there is scary..I have a few friends with horror stories..Im contemplating having a elective c section...Any Advice????

wife/mom · May 2011

Don't let yourself get so worked up about it....there are many women who go through it! you will make it!! and there are good stories out there too!! I didnt feel a thing!!! get an epidural they are the best!! just keep your eye on the prize at the end....YOUR BABY!!! everything else will work out!!! GL

InfamousQBert · May 2011

i'd advise doing some reading on natural birth, and maybe watching "the business of being born". your body was made to do this and there are really interesting things that happen during birth to make you better able to handle it, both mentally & physically. nowadays, most of the horror stories i've heard/read have actually come from women who had all the interventions, like induction with pitocin, and episiotomy and such. if you're healthy and have a doctor/midwife and staff who support a natural birth, you're more likely to have a gentle, happy, healthy birth, than if you go the highly medicated route that a lot of hospitals push.

check out the natural birth board. those ladies are great and can answer a lot of questions and calm a lot of fears.

dayjessica · May 2011

My first baby, I was only in labor for 5 hours, pushed maybe 20 minutes, had no tearing. It was an amazing experience. I tryedt with out an epidural, but got one at the end. The contractions hurt, but its not a scary kind of pain. You know the reason behind it and you know its normal. Dont listen to the horror stories, and take a birthing class so you will know what to expect. Try and be relaxed on that day, because being scared and uptight will only prolong your labor and make it more painful. I took a hypnobirthing class and it helped me to stay calm th ewhole time(even though I did go for a pidural). I beleive that is why my labor was short and sweet.

InfamousQBert · May 2011

also, i think this is a good blog to read, if you don't already. heather armstrong had her first child with all the standard interventions and then, at the last minute, decided to have her second naturally and wrote a really wonderful series on it. she talks about the reasons why she thought natural birth was crazy and what made her change her mind.

https://dooce.com/2009/07/13/labor-story-part-one

https://dooce.com/2009/07/27/labor-story-part-two

https://dooce.com/2009/08/04/labor-story-part-three

Pocky873 · May 2011

I highly recommend that you educate yourself about all aspects of labor and delivery. The more knowledge you have, the more you will feel comfortable about knowing what's going to happen. Everything has risks, but knowing the risks will help you to make the right decision for yourself. One piece of advice that was given to me was not to lock yourself into a specific birth plan. When the time comes, things just kind of happen...not always with your consent. If you have a very rigid, specific idea of what you want, you will more than likely end up upset and disappointed when things don't go exactly as you have planned.

Don't worry so much at this point. I once read that the human 9 month gestation period is there in part to help get the mother mentally ready for delivery and being a parent. Give yourself time to figure out all of your options.

I for one, was terrified of L&D. I watched tons of childbirth DVDs, which helped calm my nerves, and things just happened...L&D was like a well-oiled machine once I reached the hospital. I had no complaints about my birth experience...except for the epidural. I held out for as long as I could to go natural and med-free, but begged for the epi pretty late in the game. It ended up working on one side of my body only. It wasn't fun, but I knew there was a possibility that would happen. I'm not telling this to scare you - just that nothing really works out the way you think it will, and that the best way to anticipate is to educate yourself.

J&JSuiter070205 · May 2011

Make a list of what your fears and worries are then talk them over with your doctor. C-Sections are much more difficult to recover from than a vaginal delivery. You're more comfortable w/having yoru stomach cut open on a table than giving birth the natural way??

madhatter2003 · May 2011

I'd do some reading of good stories to counteract the 'horror' stories.....your body can do this and I'd much rather have a vaginal birth than an elective c/s (barring complications like placenta previa, etc where a c/s is necssary). I was up and walking to my post-partum room within a couple of hours of DD's birth (epidural) and within minutes to the bathroom with DS (non-epidural). I felt normal right away, etc.

Sure labor 'hurts', but my recovery from my eye surgery I had while pg was FAR FAR FAR more painful and hard than recovery from childbirth.

BostonGayGal · May 2011

Read positive birth stories. I strongly recommend the book "The Baby Catcher".

missjulierenee · May 2011

I was like you. I posted An Amazing Weekend earlier today and I talk about how my friend allowed me to be in the delivery room with her. It was nothing like I expected and it was wonderful. It really calmed my anxieties about giving birth. My friend went all natural without interventions. She did not have a lot of trouble with the labor.

I agree with the PP, read up on the natural birth and watch so of the recommended videos. I think they will help you feel better about the process.

MrsLeanna · May 2011

InfamousQBert:
i'd advise doing some reading on natural birth, and maybe watching "the business of being born". your body was made to do this and there are really interesting things that happen during birth to make you better able to handle it, both mentally & physically. nowadays, most of the horror stories i've heard/read have actually come from women who had all the interventions, like induction with pitocin, and episiotomy and such. if you're healthy and have a doctor/midwife and staff who support a natural birth, you're more likely to have a gentle, happy, healthy birth, than if you go the highly medicated route that a lot of hospitals push.
check out the natural birth board. those ladies are great and can answer a lot of questions and calm a lot of fears.

A big huge disagree from me.

To each their own, however I had all the evil interventions and I had a wonderful, easy, quick labor. I was induced, had an epidural and an episiotomy. My labor was 4 hours start to finish. I was on my feet an hour after I gave birth. I was scared also, but the best advice I can give you is that once you're in your 3rd trimester, you are SO big and uncomfortable that you will do ANYTHING to get the baby out. You will hear stories about labor and deliveries that had had problems and things go wrong, but they are not the norm. And unlike the PP said, not due to interventions, sometimes things happen. Definitely educate yourself, and if you choose to go the natural route, then good for you! However, don't be scared into thinking it's the only way. Because there are many options.

autumn wren · May 2011

As a soon-to-be graduate nursing student and from working many hours in the labor and delivery unit, I will say (but obviously not from personal experience) that it isn't at bad as your mind makes it out to be. We're human; we're all terrified of pain (well, most of us) and we will worry ourselves sick over it at times. But having assisted with several deliveries, 90% which were vaginal, all of the women told me at the end of it that it wasn't what they expected. Given, all of these women had epidurals, but they said that all they felt was pressure like they had to go to the bathroom. After witnessing so many, I'm not really nervous...more about the post-partum period (when there is no epidural in place...)

Just breathe and relax right now. What will happen will happen. Just know that the nurses will do whatever they can to make you comfortable whether it means giving you a few doses of Nubain for pain before the epidural or helping with relaxation techniques...they want you to be as comfortable and pain free as possible.

I hope no one thinks I'm stepping over the line or anything because I have not experienced it myself because I know "you have no idea what it's like unless you've been there and done that". I'm not trying to be that girl at all. I'm just trying to ease your fears. I hope it helped Smile

Fletcha · May 2011

It has definitely helped me to read, read, research, and read some more. I LOVE reading birth stories (natural are the least scary for me usually!) and watching birth videos on youtube.

myantonia · May 2011

FWIW, a C-Section is no cup of tea. As the PP said, you'd be electing for major abdominal surgery... which is hell to recover from when you have a newborn. I know. I'll be opting for a VBAC this time, one reason being because I know that nothing can suck worse than a C-section

COmommy · May 2011

myantonia:
FWIW, a C-Section is no cup of tea. As the PP said, you'd be electing for major abdominal surgery... which is hell to recover from when you have a newborn. I know. I'll be opting for a VBAC this time, one reason being because I know that nothing can suck worse than a C-section

I had the opposite experience with my C-Section and had a very easy recovery. I am electing to have a repeat C-Section because it was so easy last time. Everyone is so different. Planned C-Sections are so much easier to recover from than emergency C- Sections, since your body was already in labor and sometimes already pushing.

COmommy · May 2011

I was just as scared as you were about labor and giving birth. I told my OB that I wanted a C Section when I was around 19 weeks with my daughter. Turns out that she was breech anyway, so it became necessary. I had an uncomplicated, scheduled C-Section at 39 weeks and had a great recovery. I will have a repeat C-Section this time around. If that is the birth experience you prefer, voice it to your OB.

nic326 · May 2011

Listen, I HATE anything to do with hospitals, blood, needles or blood and guts. I dont belong anywhere near a hospital if Im not losing a limb or near death. And I was terrified. But to be honest it was not bad at all. And I was in labor for 30 hours. The absolute worst part was when my epidural failed and I felt all the pain but other than that is was really no big deal. Everything goes so fast and you're experiencing so many different emotions its almost like you dont really have time to stop and "think" about what is really going on. You'll be fine!

ladyraejewelry · May 2011

i was scared too.. but after going thru it, i thought it wasnt all that bad.. next time ill try to do it without the epidural.

Lambie. · May 2011

To whoever suggested it, watching the buisness of being born is an f-ing terrible idea if you are already afraid of labor. Have you even seen it? I am an OB nurse and there are no labor shockers to me but even I couldn't watch that while I was pregnant.

BrookeNYC · May 2011

This is my first pregnancy, so I can't speak from personal experience, but this is what I've heard from several friends: Labor is such hard work that when you're in the midst of it, all you can do is concentrate on the task at hand; there is no extra brain energy available for fear. You will be totally focused on what you have to do and won't even remember that you had nerves or anxiety.

ladyraejewelry · May 2011

whats funny, is that youll forget about most of it.. and ready to do it all over again!

getnmarried910 · May 2011

Will your doctor even do an elective c-section? They should be on an as needed basis ONLY. The recover is much longer, and it's a major surgery. Labor and delivery is no big deal. Call me crazy, but it's my favorite part of the entire process. Yes, it's going to hurt, and it could be long or short, but it's not that bad at all. Just because some friends had horror stories (and you shoul dtell them to just keep their mouths shut-they aren't helping your anxiety at all), it doesn't mean you're going to. I have friends that had horror stories too. My deliveries were awesome (in partial thanks to the epidural!).

And just FYI-just because you have an induction, doesn't mean you automatically end up with a c-section or that it's more painful. Yes, those are risks, among others, but not always the case. Two of my three were induced and I'd take the inductions over spontaneous delivery any day. My spontaneous delivery was the worst pain I have ever felt.

getnmarried910 · May 2011

MrsLeanna:
InfamousQBert:

i'd advise doing some reading on natural birth, and maybe watching "the business of being born". your body was made to do this and there are really interesting things that happen during birth to make you better able to handle it, both mentally & physically. nowadays, most of the horror stories i've heard/read have actually come from women who had all the interventions, like induction with pitocin, and episiotomy and such. if you're healthy and have a doctor/midwife and staff who support a natural birth, you're more likely to have a gentle, happy, healthy birth, than if you go the highly medicated route that a lot of hospitals push.

check out the natural birth board. those ladies are great and can answer a lot of questions and calm a lot of fears.

A big huge disagree from me.

To each their own, however I had all the evil interventions and I had a wonderful, easy, quick labor. I was induced, had an epidural and an episiotomy. My labor was 4 hours start to finish. I was on my feet an hour after I gave birth. I was scared also, but the best advice I can give you is that once you're in your 3rd trimester, you are SO big and uncomfortable that you will do ANYTHING to get the baby out. You will hear stories about labor and deliveries that had had problems and things go wrong, but they are not the norm. And unlike the PP said, not due to interventions, sometimes things happen. Definitely educate yourself, and if you choose to go the natural route, then good for you! However, don't be scared into thinking it's the only way. Because there are many options.

I agree with you MrsLeanna. I had two induced deliveries, one spontaneous, and the pitocin induced deliveries were far better. I was up walking to the bathroom an hour after delivery both times. My epi had already worn off, and it was wonderful. My spontaneous delivery was so incredibly painful, and I couldn't walk after delivery. I have never torn either.

Also, I'm going to give a warning. I have seen the Business of Being Born, and while there is good information, it is incredibly one-sided.

nark · May 2011

You will be FINE. Just look around you, and remember that every single person you've ever seen or heard about in your whole life was born from a woman. Take some deep breaths, and enroll in a prenatal yoga class or something.

BakerMommy · May 2011

I would suggest reading Ina May's Guide to Childbirth. The first half is all inspirational birth stories that definitely leave you thinking "I can totally rock this birth thing!" The rest of the book is about natural childbirth, and if you decide to go that route, I'd recommend hypnobabies. It's extremely positive, and a big part of it is releasing your fears about childbirth. Best wishes!

MAMAxB · May 2011

You have 8(ish) months to prepare/learn/etc.

Just remember that your body was CREATED for this. Therefore YOU were created for this and CAN do it

I was blessed with an amazingly easy first labor (cross my fingers that all will be!)

But just remember you will have lots of support/time to learn

DO NOT have a C-Section just because.

Janimal · May 2011

YOU get to decide what birth experience YOU would like to try for. Whatever you choose, will be the right thing, whether it's going for a "natural" delivery or getting an epi or having a C section.

I think that it might be helpful to you, to work on conquering some of your fear, no matter what you choose.

Labor is NOT like you see in the movies. Movies are dramatized for entertainment. Many many many women give birth all the time without crazy OBs running around the hospital, screaming profanities at their loved ones, and having ridiculous complications! It really doesn't have to be like that.

If the pain is worrying you, you can get an epidural pretty early. Sure, going into labor hurts, but for me it was like really bad period cramps. If you can handle your period, you can handle the beginning of labor. Just get your azz to the hospital fast for an epidural and you really should/could be spared all the pain stuff.

As for C sections, there are advantages to having a nice schedule birth, sure. However, the recovery can be tougher. But I wouldn't let that scare you either. I had a C section and although I couldn't drive for a while and had some limited motility, recovery was not awful.

If you do opt for a C section, or get one out of necessity, that's totally ok. Don't let anyone judge you for that decision. Ultimately, your job is to get a healthy baby. That's it. However you get there is a success. Talk to your partner and to your OB, and make whatever decision you feel good about. People around here tend to clutch their pearls and get all judgey when a woman expresses she wants a C section. But we each have to make our own decisions about our health. So do what you need to do to feel ok. I encourage you to make a decision not based in fear though, because YOU CAN DO THIS. YOU WILL have a BABY!

lvisser · May 2011

COmommy:

myantonia:
FWIW, a C-Section is no cup of tea. As the PP said, you'd be electing for major abdominal surgery... which is hell to recover from when you have a newborn. I know. I'll be opting for a VBAC this time, one reason being because I know that nothing can suck worse than a C-section

I had the opposite experience with my C-Section and had a very easy recovery. I am electing to have a repeat C-Section because it was so easy last time. Everyone is so different. Planned C-Sections are so much easier to recover from than emergency C- Sections, since your body was already in labor and sometimes already pushing.

What she said. I was in labor for 30 hours and pushed for three... by the time i had my c/s with my oldest, i had to recover from both a vaginal and c/s birth because of how swollen i was...

my repeat c/s was a breeze...even with 2 under 16 months...

MAMAxB · May 2011

It really is case-by-case.. my SILs & I had our first babies in a three month time frame..

They both had epidurals & were induced with 24 hrs labors and 37 hrs labors. Both of their babies were fine and healthy, as was my only 9 hr labor

lp0 · May 2011

I have to say that I'm feel very much the same way you do though it's not keeping me up at night. Three of my friends have had really terrible experiences and two of them ended in c-section. Both of them said that the c-section wasn't bad at all and the recovery was not as bad as they had expected. They both said they would rather have a c-section the next time around.

The whole idea of L&D completely freaks me out. I plan to talk to my doctor about what the best choice for me is since I would like a c-section. I don't think my doctor will go for an elective c-section but I want to discuss everything with her. I agree with previous post that you shouldn't let anyone make you feel bad about your decisions. Everyone is different and whatever you chose to do to get your baby here safely is your decision.

Want a personalized experience?

Scared to death about going into labor...

Re: Scared to death about going into labor...

Choose Another Board

Search Boards