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June 2011 Moms
mrsbookworm
member
DH Not Interested in Childbirth Class/Books/Videos
mrsbookworm
member
I am almost full-term and starting to get a bit anxious about my "birth partner," my DH. We hired a doula, but I wanted him to still provide support and be engaged in this labor & delivery process too. I begged him for his availbility for classes for weeks early in my 2nd trimester when I finally gave up & realized that he just wasn't interested. Then, I bought him the Birth Partner book and marked pages that I thought were must-reads; he misplaced the book and now that I have found it, he still hasn't picked it up. I bought a home study course, thinking this might be more conducive to his busy work schedule, but he hasn't read any of the handouts/workbook or listened to the Birth Partner CD. I wanted him to watch 'The Business of Being Born', but he is always 'busy' whenever I suggest watching it. What gives?
This is our second child, but he was not very helpful with the first labor & delivery (quite frankly). He was more like a sidelines observer than a supportive participant until it was time to push when he held one of my legs and was chanting "push!" We went to a 1-day intensive course last time, but that course was not helpful. How did you get your husbands engaged or have you given up on that too?
This is our second child, but he was not very helpful with the first labor & delivery (quite frankly). He was more like a sidelines observer than a supportive participant until it was time to push when he held one of my legs and was chanting "push!" We went to a 1-day intensive course last time, but that course was not helpful. How did you get your husbands engaged or have you given up on that too?
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Re: DH Not Interested in Childbirth Class/Books/Videos
We were seeing a couples counselor and I brought it up there that I felt I was alone in what is supposed to be 'our' pregnancy. I guess it helped hearing it in front of an objective 3rd party. He's still nowhere near as engaged as me, but he's definitely stepped it up a notch.
I guess this worked for me because we needed to see a counselor anyway... not sure if that applies to your situation. Sorry your DH is so unhelpful regarding pregnancy and birthing. I hope he is more involved when it comes to parenting. I guess I let some stuff go under the assumption that MH will be more involved when the baby is 'outside'.
I know when DH and I are having trouble communicating bringing the subject up outside of the house is helpful. Sometimes I'll suggest we go out for lunch or coffee and then breach the subject there. Use "I" statements so that he doesn't feel attacked and just tell him why you want him to be more involved and then bring up the fact that you've been trying to get him involved and ask him why he doesn't want to be. Maybe there's an underlying issue he doesn't feel comfortable talking about.
Just thoughts.
GL!
luckily my husband is very involved with everything related to our LO.
but if he wasnt... I would def be making plans for another labor coach.
In the beginning my DH wasn't really on board, he "supported" me with whatever I wanted...but didn't really SUPPORT me, KWIM?So I talked and talked and talked to him. I did research and showed it to him. He has come with me to my appointments when I was with an OB practice and still comes now that I am with a MW and he actually sees what I was talking about, where I was coming from. He is totally on board with what WE want for our baby and how we want to bring our baby into this world. It is funny because sometimes he is even more of an advocate for NCB than I am lol.
So, my advice is don't give up- really talk to him as to why you need his support.