Didn't acknowledge Mother's Day...

JennieDamon · May 2011

My husband unfortunately had to work today. Before leaving today, he kissed me goodbye like always, but didn't even acknowledge that today was Mother's Day to me. I even spoke to him on the phone earlier at lunch and asked him if he called his Mom today and he said yes.

So I was thinking...We had a disagreement the other day. I bought a potted plant for his mom and mine. He asked me if I got one for his sister too, whom we are very close with. I said no because she's not my mom. I feel like Mother's Day is for reconizing your mother and all she does. He feels like Mother's Day is for reconizing all the good mothers around you that you are close with (like close Aunts and sisters). He tried to prove a point to me and asked, "Well then, do I have to wish you a happy Mother's Day then, if you're not my Mom?" And of course I told him no, he can do whatever he wants. We agreed to disagree on the topic.

Now I am only pregnant with our first child, should I not be upset for not celebrating Mother's Day Since I am only a Mother to be? Am I being unreasonable? Don't get me wrong, my husband always treats me like a queen. To be honest, better than I probably deserve! Do you think he is proving a point to me? My other thought is the day is not over, maybe I'm a little down for nothing.

What do you ladies think?

dubbles1984 · May 2011

I say keep your chin up, the day isn't over yet!

I kept getting text messages from my close friends wishing me a happy mothers day (baby #1 on the way) and I told DH that and he was like "why?" I said "Apparently, I have a small child growing in my womb." He said "oh crap, I hope I'm not in the dog house. Happy mother's day!" I honestly wasn't expecting him to do anything for me.

MrsBag3L · May 2011

I absolutely don't think you are being unreasonable. I would be really upset if I were in your shoes. I think he is being childish. I don't think it is a big deal just getting your mom and his a potted plant and not your sister in-law. We send my mother and MIL flowers every mother's day, but the thought never occurred to me to send it to my sister in-law. Hopefully he'll make up for it when he comes home from work. If not...

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!

Julie822 · May 2011

Truthfully, I can see where your husband got confused a bit. If you really told him it should be about celebrating your own mothers, he might feel like you didn't want a big deal about it this year, and that was a somewhat sideways way of tell him. It might be worth talking it out a bit more, especially if you are upset about it.

cnw112784 · May 2011

my husband didnt say anything to me either, and my mom and grandmother said nothing to me either, they just keep saying " You get to celebrate this next year!" maybe giving actual birth is the right of passage for mothers day...I said somthing to my husband about not saying anything to me about it and he said he was thinking maybe he should have done something...but now that I think about it, its not that big of a deal I guess, next year it will probably be all about me next mothers day since no one in my family has had a baby in 14 years, so its been awhile since theres been a new baby....so I can let today slide....I got to hear my baby's heartbeat yesterday, while I was in the ER for a bad cold while my husband waited with me for 4 hours...so that means more really than a card he snatched at hallmark, I know how he really feels, and sounds like you know how your husband really feels too, sounds like hes a good guy Smile

JennieDamon · May 2011

cnw112784:
my husband didnt say anything to me either, and my mom and grandmother said nothing to me either, they just keep saying " You get to celebrate this next year!" maybe giving actual birth is the right of passage for mothers day...I said somthing to my husband about not saying anything to me about it and he said he was thinking maybe he should have done something...but now that I think about it, its not that big of a deal I guess, next year it will probably be all about me next mothers day since no one in my family has had a baby in 14 years, so its been awhile since theres been a new baby....so I can let today slide....I got to hear my baby's heartbeat yesterday, while I was in the ER for a bad cold while my husband waited with me for 4 hours...so that means more really than a card he snatched at hallmark, I know how he really feels, and sounds like you know how your husband really feels too, sounds like hes a good guy

I think you should get to celebrate it THIS year! I think we become mothers the day we concieve. I mean we really start taking care of our children starting that day by taking care of ourselves! We watch what we eat, go to prenatal appointments, protect our bellies and do tons of research about everything because we only want the best for our babies from day one!

So I say HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY to you too! And he really is an awesome husband! Better than any card could put into words!

mattandbekah · May 2011

Julie822:
Truthfully, I can see where your husband got confused a bit. If you really told him it should be about celebrating your own mothers, he might feel like you didn't want a big deal about it this year, and that was a somewhat sideways way of tell him. It might be worth talking it out a bit more, especially if you are upset about it.

I kind of agree with this. You said it was for your mothers, and although I personally feel that mothers-to-be are/should be included in Mothers day, its not uncommon for the husband to not feel that way. I dont think that is an intentional thing, I just dont think they think of it...I know my DH didnt when I was pregnant.

Junebug060609 · May 2011

I know it might not be the majorities opinion, but I'm not comfortable celebrating Mother's Day until I have a child at home. Perhaps that's his line of thinking too.

PearlPink · May 2011

If it makes you feel any better I'm pretty sure the only reason I got flowers sent to me is because my mom and her boyfriend emailed to ask him where to get me a gift certificate for a pedicure from for me for Mother's Day. The next day he ordered flowers. I haven't talked to him yet today but we will see if he remembers lol.

Sorry your husband is frustrating you, but I do see why after the 'argument' you had he wouldn't say it. You should have told him that although you aren't HIS mother, you ARE the mother of HIS child. I would probably have mentioned that MIL isn't your mother but you got her a flower. Frankly if he wants to get SIL a gift so badly HE should do it, but I think he is being silly to expect you to do that.

JennieDamon · May 2011

It's just this Mother's Day means so much to me. One year ago since this month last year we have had 3 miscarriages. This is my 4th pregnancy. Doctor finally figured out that I have a hormone problem, so all is well now and I will get to carry to full term this time. We really truly are even more appreciative of becoming parents after all the strife and grief. He even bought me a at home fetal heart doppler so I can listen to the baby's heartbeat whenever I want as a "Second Trimester" gift. (We could never get passed the 1st trimester with the other babies). I just thought he would have recognized it, today of all days.

KozieKim · May 2011

Junebug060609:
I know it might not be the majorities opinion, but I'm not comfortable celebrating Mother's Day until I have a child at home. Perhaps that's his line of thinking too.

I would have to agree with this. Especially for men who dont have any children in the home. They dont understand the connection that we have to our babies growing inside us. I would expect him to at least say Happy mothers day..but not so much celebrate it yet. As for the SIL--Hell no. Mothers Day are for mother figures in our lives...not just anyone who is a mom. Nearly every woman I am close to is a mom that would be damn expensive to buy them all a gift! Not to mention absurd!

kchojn · May 2011

I agree with pp that say you gave him mixed signals. Based on your own account you told him he didn't have to wish you a happy Mother's Day. I think that had that conversation never occurred he probably would have done something incredibly sweet for you because he does think Mother's Day is about celebrating all mother's and not just your mom(in-law). I think once you said that you believe that you led him to believe you do not want him to do something for you for Mother's Day as you are not his mom.

If you would have said you didn't get SIL a flower like your moms because you thought you should just get her a card because of money or what-have-you, than he would have probably gotten you a card at the very least. I know with hormones and you are clearly upset that he made a point not to say Happy Mother's Day, maybe you can talk about it with him again. I mean this in the nicest way, didn't he get the point across that it is nice to be recognized as a mother even if it's not from your children? You can still appreciate SIL and all she does as a mother, and wishing her a Happy Mother's Day probably feels good to hear from others besides just her children. Maybe just let him know that this bothered you more than you realized, if you haven't changed your mind and still believe that Mother's Day is a holiday for children to their mothers than there's not much for you to be upset about.

I hope you resolve this though, because you really should be having a Happy Mother's Day! I hope you day gets better!

DreamAmor · May 2011

I kind of see both of your point of views. You told him that it was to only acknowledge your mother (which I disagree with) but he should have still wished you for the day. You are a mom but, to men, it's different. I wish everyone, who is a mother, a happy day because the acknowledgement is always appreciated.

So, Happy Mother's Day, to you!

Lambie. · May 2011

I can understand why the poor guy might be confused.

rkto · May 2011

Junebug060609:
I know it might not be the majorities opinion, but I'm not comfortable celebrating Mother's Day until I have a child at home. Perhaps that's his line of thinking too.

I agree.

my husband asked me if he should buy me something. I joked and said "do you want a father;s day gift?" We both thought it was ridiculous

LadieBumbles · May 2011

My Dad never gives my Mom anything for Mother's Day (not a card, a flower, nothing!). So, maybe he is trying to prove a point, maybe he didn't think he needed to based on your prior conversation? Who knows? Are you going to ask him?

blu-eyedwife · May 2011

Junebug060609:
I know it might not be the majorities opinion, but I'm not comfortable celebrating Mother's Day until I have a child at home. Perhaps that's his line of thinking too.

I agree with this sentiments. I was actually shocked so many women on this board were expecting something for mother's day. But after seeing so many women expecting presents for simply having babies I guess it make sense.

I think Mother's Day is a way to thank our mothers (or mother figures) for everything they've done for us. However, my baby isn't really at any sort of stage to thank me for anything yet since the baby is still a part of me -like an arm or a leg. Therefore, a gift or card for mother's day is from myself, to myself. Seems kinda silly. Like getting a birthday card from my right earlobe.

And before anyone hops on the "she's just bitter because her husband probably won't buy her anything" train, DH wanted to get me something for Mother's Day and I told him not to because I'm not a mother yet.

sleepingbeauty · May 2011

well, i hate to say it, but you kinda set yourself up with that whole "you don't have to wish me a happy mother's day" thing. as far as you "not being a mom yet", i gotta say i think that's bs. with all you've been through in pg, and all that you're sacrificing to benefit your child, you bet your ass you're a mom!

Ess-elle · May 2011

JennieDamon:
I feel like Mother's Day is for reconizing your mother and all she does.

You said it. You feel you shouldn't do anything for someone that isn't your mother, but someone who's not your child should do something for you? Perhaps he's going with your thoughts on this one since people are (generally) more comfortable being treated the way we treat others. If you're uncomfortable acknowledging "not-MY-mom" moms on mother's day, perhaps he felt you'd be uncomfortable if he acknowledged you for the same reason.

triple_sevens · May 2011

Junebug060609:
I know it might not be the majorities opinion, but I'm not comfortable celebrating Mother's Day until I have a child at home. Perhaps that's his line of thinking too.

I feel the same way, and I asked DH not to do anything for me this year (he said he didn't feel comfortable doing anything anyway).

But my ILs sound the way yours do--everyone buys gifts for every mother in the family. I think that's stupid. Why should my MIL buy me a mother's day gift? Why should my SIL? Why should I buy SIL one? I'll get her a birthday gift or a holiday gift. But my family's not big on gifts for anything but Christmas anyway. We get small birthday gifts for each other and go all out on Christmas. We try to send cards and make nice phone calls more than buy presents.

Saemilyn · May 2011

You told him he didn't have to wish you a happy Mother's Day. So he didn't. It's that simple.

KnoxBride06 · May 2011

Junebug060609:
I know it might not be the majorities opinion, but I'm not comfortable celebrating Mother's Day until I have a child at home. Perhaps that's his line of thinking too.

This was DH's feelings, I'm certain. He is so afraid of jinxing it.

alison2379 · May 2011

I'll be the dissenting opinion here. I received four Mother's Day cards, one from my husband. I also received a pair of diamond stud earrings. My husband pointed out that a "push" present would be wonderful in October, but I would practically be in hiding for the first few months after the birth of our child, so wouldn't it be nice to have a beautiful gift now that I can enjoy especially as pregnancy becomes more challenging. He considers me a mother, even though my baby is not an outside baby yet. This required absolutely no prompting, pushing or hinting from me, and I was totally floored.

So, asking Mother's Day to simply be acknowleged seems like a small request to me. Our bodies have been turned upside down and we have all kinds of new sensations, feelings and worries.

cantalopes24 · May 2011

alison2379:

I'll be the dissenting opinion here. I received four Mother's Day cards, one from my husband. I also received a pair of diamond stud earrings. My husband pointed out that a "push" present would be wonderful in October, but I would practically be in hiding for the first few months after the birth of our child, so wouldn't it be nice to have a beautiful gift now that I can enjoy especially as pregnancy becomes more challenging. He considers me a mother, even though my baby is not an outside baby yet. This required absolutely no prompting, pushing or hinting from me, and I was totally floored.

So, asking Mother's Day to simply be acknowleged seems like a small request to me. Our bodies have been turned upside down and we have all kinds of new sensations, feelings and worries.

I agree with this, but I am also of the feeling that you shouldn't tell someone to celebrate you on a certain day. If YH is going to do something, he's going to do it. You (not Alison) specifically told him you didn't care, so why would he do something you went out of your way to tell him not to?

sjBear123 · May 2011

The Mother's Day in '06 when I was pg with my son, I do remember that I wanted to be acknowledged. But my mom and MIL also said, "You'll get to celebrate this next year!" I kind of understand it now. Every year MD gets more important to me because every year I feel less and less appreciated (even though dh is a wonderful husband and father and does more of his fair share at home). But I did want to be acknowledged that first year, and if I'm remembering correctly I think I got a card from dh. I hope yours acknowledged you later. If not Happy Mother's Day to you!

Soon2BMrsSikes · May 2011

He probably would have acknowledged it if you hadn't specifically told him NOT to. You can't be upset if he did what you told him to. No wonder guys say girls are so confusing.

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