Crazy rant inside

cookie_queen · May 2011

*this post had a different title but I changed it. I'm not changing the post because I need to get this out.

WTF was I thinking? Why are we cycling now? I am not strong enough for this. I'm terrified it won't work. I can't handle it not working. I can't fail again. I'm terrified of being pregnant. I can't fail again at that either.

I want time to stop. I want to rewind and not do this. I want to rewind and have my babies back. I don't want to be in this place right now. I don't want this.

I'm so scared and sad. What made me think I could do this? I can't.

OCW2010 · May 2011

I wish we were friends IRL. I'd come over and just wrap you up in a hug. I'm sorry Cookie.

Sunshine05 · May 2011

***big hugs, cookie***

Mayan2011 · May 2011

I am so sorry you are feeling this way right now. HUGE ((hugs))

theworms · May 2011

first of all tons of ((HUGS))

i am so sorry for all you've been through, it's so unfair. i wish your babies were here with you. i so wish i could rewind for you.

my loses were so much earlier than yours but the night before each beta i have had a breakdown and sobbed and screamed so scared of every possible outcome.

i say feel what you need to feel, scream, sob, punch things.

more ((HUGS))

bbakersgirl75 · May 2011

My heart goes out to you hun! I am so so very sorry ((Big Hugs))

Temp590840000005378 · May 2011

I'm so sorry!! No one deserves to go through everything you have, it's truly not fair at all!! You are a strong person, don't forget that!! ((BIG HUGS))

scooterq · May 2011

Huge ((hugs)) lady

madelyn07 · May 2011

I'm so sorry you are having such a hard time, cookie. It is all very justified.

We are all here for you..no matter what!

(((hugs)))

kthappy76 · May 2011

Oh honey, I'm so sorry. I wish there was something I could do, but you are stronger than you think you are right now. You can make it, either way. (((huge hugs)))

hollymichael · May 2011

I'm so sorry. ((Hugs))

I know my journey has been much different that yours so I can't completely relate, but I can tell you that I am absolutely terrified right now. After so many cycles with a BFN, I can't fathom the thought of another one. I am so scared of finding out the results next week that I feel sick to my stomach. Thinking of you and hoping for good news tomorrow.

Edwina.McDunnough · May 2011

Huge huge hugs Cookie! I truly wish I could make things right for you. Or somehow make things easier. Thinking of you and hoping you find the strength and courage that I know you have within you.

etoyama · May 2011

Huge (((((((HUGS)))))))) sweet Cookie. I wish I could fix everything for you. I would.

cookie_queen · May 2011

Thanks ladies.

It's good to have you all in my corner. I don't know what I would do without you.

Now if someone could just pass me some xanex and a bottle of vodka so I can sleep tonight that would be great.

(J/K to the last statement, though I really might need it tomorrow night depending on how things go)

Imanurse03 · May 2011

I'm so sorry you're going through such a difficult journey. Big hugs to you.

jillmatheny · May 2011

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way, but it's normal and most importantly, you CAN do this. You are a strong, stong girl and you survived a traumatic event that has made you even stronger. You can get through anything, I promise. My thoughts and prayers are with you, along with a million BFP vibes!!