flaky best friend...help.

bridetobe6808 · May 2011

My best friend has become super flaky over the last couple of years. I love her dearly and we are still best friends, but I just can't really count on her anymore. When I told her I was PG she immediately asked if she could plan the shower. I told her of course she could. She is supposed to be getting married in 12 days and I just got a text that the wedding was off and she's headed to rehab. WHAT!?? Honestly, I am not shocked the wedding is off, but rehab?? I know I am only 14 weeks, but I can't put my baby shower in her hands. How do I tell her I am not going to have her plan it?

CBC08 · May 2011

If her wedding's off and she's going to rehab, I doubt your baby shower is front and center in her mind. If she says anything about it, just tell her not to worry about it and that your top concern is her wellness, which is what she should be focusing on.

Edited to add- Honestly, I am not generally a snarky person at all, but YOU sound like the one who is a flaky friend. I can't imagine how hard it would be to have to call off my engagement 12 days before my wedding and go into rehab. I would certainly hope that if I were in a situation like that, my friends would be there to support me, not to bug me about throwing baby showers or inform me that my help is no longer wanted because I'm having a rough time. Sheesh.

pam1005 · May 2011

I would just let her get the help she needs and if someone else offers to throw you one let them. I'm sure she is not worried about the shower right now and probably wont be in the right frame of mind to help for a bit. If she still wants to help when things for her calm down, then let her do it or help another person who is planning you one.

cozylittlecave · May 2011

If it comes up, tell her not to worry about it at all. If someone else offers, let them throw one. Please don't bring it up to her. With all due respect, no matter what her past history is, calling off a wedding and rehab trumps future baby shower by a ton.

Instead of telling her you don't want her planning it, maybe you could ask her if there's anything you could do to help or if she'd like to talk about it? I'm sure calling off a wedding and heading to rehab is kinda a big deal for her... I'd think her problem (not yours) should be the focus here. If it's genuinely not, then I'm not sure you guys are actually still best friends... And I'm sure I'm out of place saying this- and not trying to be rude, but if you're best friends, shouldn't you have had some inclination that she could be heading to rehab??? I mean... to be completely shocked that she's going to rehab doesn't seem like you're that close imho. And if it was a serious problem she was successfully hiding, why aren't you more concerned?

LaTi07 · May 2011

Honestly, you don't exactly sound like the best kind of friend to have around. She's going through some obviously tough times right now and your main concern is your baby shower? Really?

Angel0423 · May 2011

I highly doubt your baby shower is on her mind at all right now! And I am sure being demoted from host is what she's looking for from you as a "best friend" right now. Your shower (if someone else offers to throw one) is months away! If she's been "flaky" it's likely because her life has been in crisis for some time and I assure you she needs support more than you need gifts.

bridetobe6808 · May 2011

Woah woah woah. ok...maybe a backstory should have been added. Her wedding has already been post poned twice. ( this is her 2nd wedding ) She was set to get married in Vegas and she post poned the wedding. A large portion of guests already had plane tickets! She decided to put it off 2 months, then she rescheduled again to a different date. So, the whole wedding being called off is not a shock, no. The rehab, I don't think anyone had a clue. She takes sleeping pills and anti-depressants, but she has never given anyone a reason to think she would need to be headed to rehab. Last time I talked to her she told me how fabulous everything in her life was. Honestly, I had no idea. I mean, we don't live in the same state, so I don't see her on a daily basis. I guess it is hard for people to undertsand my perspective when they don't really know her history...Glad to see I am making friends on this site...guess I'll keep my comments more to myself. **ouch**

Angel0423 · May 2011

bridetobe6808:
Woah woah woah. ok...maybe a backstory should have been added. Her wedding has already been post poned twice. ( this is her 2nd wedding ) She was set to get married in Vegas and she post poned the wedding. A large portion of guests already had plane tickets! She decided to put it off 2 months, then she rescheduled again to a different date. So, the whole wedding being called off is not a shock, no. The rehab, I don't think anyone had a clue. She takes sleeping pills and anti-depressants, but she has never given anyone a reason to think she would need to be headed to rehab. Last time I talked to her she told me how fabulous everything in her life was. Honestly, I had no idea. I mean, we don't live in the same state, so I don't see her on a daily basis. I guess it is hard for people to undertsand my perspective when they don't really know her history...Glad to see I am making friends on this site...guess I'll keep my comments more to myself. **ouch**

yes, you make her life sound like it sucks even more, or maybe just her romantic relationship... but that doesn't show how she's a flaky friend to you and deserves to be demoted when she's going through a really tough time. My bestfriend lives in another state on the other side of the country and I haven't seen her in over a year, but if she told me she was taking sleeping pills and anti-depressants and I watched her wedding plans crumble repeatidly I wouldn't believe her when she said life was fabulous. I'd keep a closer eye on her and talk to her more, try to plan a visit if possible.

bridetobe6808 · May 2011

Ok...I finally talked to her and got the whole story. I will spare you all the details because they are pretty intense. Oh..and she takes anxiety meds not anti-depressants. Of course I want her to take care of herself. I didn't post this to have people call me a bad friend because I am definitely not the one should ever be accused of that. She knows I'm here for her. I was simply venting/asking advice from other PG ladies, but thanks everyone for being so nice.

Lari29 · May 2011

I agree with what PP have said, even with your back story. I'm sorry that your friend is going through some tough times here. But really - you're only 14 weeks along. Baby showers commonly are around 30 weeks or even later. I think you're being a bit premature worrying about a baby shower. There's plenty of time for someone else to step up. And who knows - you may end up with more than one baby shower (or none). Who knows. I would not expect your friend to be able to host - clearly her well being is way more important at this time.

Lari29 · May 2011

bridetobe6808:
Ok...I finally talked to her and got the whole story. I will spare you all the details because they are pretty intense. Oh..and she takes anxiety meds not anti-depressants. Of course I want her to take care of herself. I didn't post this to have people call me a bad friend because I am definitely not the one should ever be accused of that. She knows I'm here for her. I was simply venting/asking advice from other PG ladies, but thanks everyone for being so nice.

Yes - please spare us the details. I wouldn't want my personal problems publicized on a public forum regardless how anonymous this may seem. You're not being a bad friend - I just want you to kind of put things in perspective. Don't stress about a baby shower until you're at least well into the second trimester. It just seems a bit premature to even think about it right now.

cherokeemomma87 · May 2011

I totally agree with all the PP. You are worring about this way ahead of time, and it seems kind of insensitive to be asking about your baby shower when she is going through something like this. And if she was taking any kind of meds for depression or anything similar on top of sleeping pills as well as the wedding getting pushed further and further back, why would not think that anything was wrong? Can you not add 2 and 2 together?

JennV514 · May 2011

bridetobe6808:

My best friend has become super flaky over the last couple of years. I love her dearly and we are still best friends, but I just can't really count on her anymore. When I told her I was PG she immediately asked if she could plan the shower. I told her of course she could. She is supposed to be getting married in 12 days and I just got a text that the wedding was off and she's headed to rehab. WHAT!?? Honestly, I am not shocked the wedding is off, but rehab?? I know I am only 14 weeks, but I can't put my baby shower in her hands. How do I tell her I am not going to have her plan it?

To answer your question- you don't tell her you're not going to have her plan it. Let it be for now. It is way too early in your pregnancy to be worrying about your shower. Focus on taking care of yourself, your baby, and being there for your friend.

ashleah83 · May 2011

I get that your feelings are hurt that PPs noted you weren't coming across as a good friend yourself, but they were just being honest based on what you communicated - I don't think they were intentionally trying to flame you.

If my BFF was acting all flaky like this I'd be super worried about her - I mean I'd probably be crying I'd be so upset she was going through this and I was far away/preggo/unable to be there. Honestly my baby shower wouldn't have even occurred to me. I was pretty surprised reading your post and follow-ups that baby shower was on your mind.

Anyway like PPs said I wouldn't worry about it at all. Someone else will step up for you, I'm sure and if/when BFF brings it up you can let her know she doesn't need to worry about it, but can help X plan if she'd like.

heather_09_15_07 · May 2011

If my friend was going through that, the baby shower would be the last thing on my mind.

LaTi07 · May 2011

bridetobe6808:
...I didn't post this to have people call me a bad friend because I am definitely not the one should ever be accused of that...

You basically came out saying your friends life went to h*ll in a handbasket, but OMG what about your shower. Yeah, that IS being a crappy friend. If my best friend was going through major life issues like this, I would be by her side having her back. Not posting her personal drama all over a public message board for some sympathy.

mybobofo · May 2011

Ummmm... I can not believe that with your friend in that much trouble you are worried about your shower. Can't believe it. I know that PPs may not mean to intentionally flame you, but I do. That's insensitive and insane.

Maybe she seems flaky to you because she's really not up to dealing with your self-centeredness when she has real serious issues going on. Real. Serious. Issues. FYI Your further explanation of her situation is just digging your hole a little deeper.
If you don't want to be flamed on a public forum, don't post the details of your "best friend"'s relationship status as a vehicle to gain sympathy that your shower may be cancelled. And please, Please don't bother her with this right now. She's going through enough.

Ms.Jade · May 2011

I'm also shocked that as your best friend goes through what is surely the most horrible time of her life, you are thinking of you damn baby shower. You should be ashamed.

Want a personalized experience?

flaky best friend...help.

Re: flaky best friend...help.

Choose Another Board

Search Boards