Need a nice way to tell my mom....

IAM4UK · May 2011

So, my mom watches all 3 girls 2 days a week.

We have told her on numerous occasions that you must follow the rule, "One up, both up" when feeding to keep them on the same schedule.

Sure enough, EVERY.SINGLE.TIME I come home she tells me that the are off schedule. By off schedule I mean that one needs to eat at 1pm and the other at 2:30pm. That just doesn't work in my house. I can't be feeding babies all day especially with Katie and general housekeeping, cooking, etc.

It takes me 30 minutes to tandem feed both girls at the same time. My mom knows and can tandem feed. Her reason for why they are off schedule....she doesn't like to wake a sleeping baby. Ugh!

I have bitten my tongue on so many occasions and just keep telling myself, free childcare. However, it just makes for an awful night for us. So, do I keep biting my tongue and let it go or how do I nicely tell my mom that she needs to stick with one up, both up.

My mom and I have an awesome relationship by the way and we talk about everything. For some reason, she just can't wake that sleeping baby. Drives me batty.

KYmama9286 · May 2011

Is there any way you could like write out a very specific schedule (like the girls need to eat at 11, 2, 5) and say that the pedi was very particular that they eat at those specific times/intervals to make sure they stay on track? I dont know....I am kind of a chicken when it comes to stuff like this and would find some other way other than just saying "this is how we do it and we need you to follow suite".

Do you secretly think she is uncomfortable or overwhelmed trying to tandem feed? Sorry I'm not much help but that would be very frustrating.

teacherjess · May 2011

My mom was the same way when she visited and would babysit. I'd ask her to have Leah up by a certain time so that she wasn't napping four hours at a time, and she'd just say, "Never wake a sleeping baby!" when I'd ask about it. So frustrating, and I wish I had better advice for you. Maybe a night with the twins would help her realize it

.

identicaltwins2be · May 2011

I am very blunt with my mom - especially when it comes to my kids. If she is doing something I don't agree with I will come out and say it. There were a lot of times when the boys were smaller she would say she didn't want to wake them (or whatever the situation might be) and I would tell her that was fine but she wouldn't be able watch the boys anymore. She would always laugh and say, ok, I know. Now, she doesn't watch them for me while I work or anything so it was (is) always like a "treat" if we would ask her to watch the grandkids. That might sound harsh but she respects what we want as the parents and will generally stick to it if I remind her.

Moesten · May 2011

I am of the "free childcare" camp as long as they aren't being harmed, which they're not. I know that oftentimes when my mom watches my kids it means K is likely not going to nap. Not what I would want but not harmful and just part of the price I pay for free child care.

If the schedule is truly imperative I would hire someone who will respect your desired schedule.

tiffyr0se · May 2011

I would tell her how difficult it us on you when they're off schedule. Really explain it, and why your schedule is strict (there are 2 of them so it's important to be on schedule so they sleep at the same time at night, so we still have time for K, etc). She probably just doesn't understand WHy it's important to you.

Miller238 · May 2011

Moesten:

If the schedule is truly imperative I would hire someone who will respect your desired schedule.

I don't agree with this. I am sure your mom would be super hurt if you would hire someone else. Not to mention, your relationship may change. And it's not like you are asking her to do something crazy, like drive all three of them all over the place or do all of your laundry, etc. You just want her to wake them up to eat together.

Has Joe ever mentioned anything to her about it? Maybe she would listen to him? I know my mom would be more inclined to follow my husband's orders than mine.

anotapotamus · May 2011

Have you shown her how you wake the second child so that it isn't a screaming fit?

When people follow the 'never wake a sleeping baby' philosophy, it's usually b/c they think the baby will start screaming the moment you wake them up. Maybe your mom is afraid of trying to deal with one screaming while she's trying to feed the other. If you've found a way to wake the second child peacefully - and she sees for fact that she won't be dealing with a tantrum - she may be more apt to cooperate.

Superchicy · May 2011

I totally know where you are coming from. My mom watches DD and her schedule would sometimes be a mess because of days at my mom's. I would just be brutally honest about how much it affects your life at home and how it affects the other kids, and say you know you that she doesn't want to wake a sleeping baby, but if she doesn't it affects everyone at night. I've had to put my foot down (gently) a few times with my mom and it just really took being adamant about something and how much it affected us. It's so hard sometimes to say things about raising your child to a parent since they've been there, done that, yadda yadda.

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