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Cincinnati Babies
Need sleep/soothing advice (long)
Oliver will not fall asleep on his own- what can I do? He goes to bed btwn 7:30 and 8:30 and usually wakes at least 3 times (9:30ish, 2:30ish and 5:00ish) before being up for the day btwn 6:30 and 7:30.
I usually nurse him before bed and I try to place him in bed drowsy but awake. Usually with a few shhhs and a hand on the back he'll fall asleep. But the wakings during the night are another story! If I go in and try and comfort him, I have to pick him up and rock him, otherwise he just stands in his crib and screams at me. If I let him cry he just cries and cries and cries. My pedi told me to try not going in, so last night when he woke at 2:30 I let him cry, he stood up in his crib and cried for over an hour. It was crazy! I watched him on the monitor, he spent the entire time sitting then standing, then sitting, then standing, Up and down over and over again. He made absolutely no attempt to lay down or to soothe himself. I wasn't sure what to do b/c at that point I felt like I was in it- you know- like if I want in then he'll figure next time he just has to cry longer until mommy comes in. But I finally went in and tried to lay him down, pat his back, etc. But he wasn't having it. I ended up picking him up and rocking him.
I think I have two problems, one he stands up basically the entire time- he's like a drunken sailor swaying up there exhausted but he won't lay down. And two he doesn't soothe- he won't take a pacifier or suck on his thumb or find a lovie. Oh, and three, I'm tired 
He does't seem hungry- I've tried feeding him and he'll eat but he is voracious or anything. He's not wet or too cold. Sound machine is on.
I need advice. I don't mind CIO if it'll work but I certainly don't want to let him cry just for the sport of it. How can I help him fall asleep and put himself back to sleep?
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Re: Need sleep/soothing advice (long)
DD didn't self-soothe and also didn't sleep. Straight CIO with no checks was a trainwreck for us. What worked for us was a combo of 2 methods. I started with the Sleep Lady Shuffle which is a little like Ferber but you are in the room with them. That was what finally taught her how to self-soothe because the moment I left she flipped out and couldn't figure out how to get herself to sleep. Being in the room really helped her figure out things on her own without being panicked.
Once I knew she could at least lay down and go to sleep on her own without being held, we did very mild ferber, going in every 2-3 minutes, staying 2-3 minutes and just gauging how she did whether to go in or give her a bit longer. Don't be afraid to combine or alter sleep training methods, one thing I learned from having DD was no method is made one-size-fits-all.
Miller- we did try Ferber a few weeks back, it just didn't work for him anytime I went in the room and then left he got SO worked up and I felt like it just started all over again.
Superchicy- thanks for the tip! I sort of tried that approach for naps a while back (which are also a nightmare) and it was sort of working but then he got sick and 2 teeth so we are starting over on all accounts. I may give that a try at night. Question, did you have to deal with your DD standing up in the crib? I'm not sure if I should just ignore him or keep laying him back down. I really think that is our biggest problem- he used to fussa bit an dthen fall asleep about half the time but ever since he can pull him self up he just won't lie down. Straight jacket maybe?
DD did stand up. So what I did with SLS was just soothe her standing up for a while and then lay her down when she was calm and repeat until she decided to just give in and lay down. She eventually got the hint that I was going to stay there and would lay down and let me pat her. I just slowly backed off night after night on how much I soothed her and let her figure out getting to sleep while I was there. It honestly took a couple weeks or so for her to lay down and go to sleep on her own with me there, but she did figure it out. I didn't do the backing out of the room thing SLS mentions, I just always stayed by her crib and she figured it out.
Once we got that far and I knew COULD soothe on her own, that's when we did the mild Ferber so we didn't need to stand there while she fell asleep. She was 13 mo. when it all clicked and worked and we saw progress in 3 days with the Ferber, STTN some nights within a week.
This is almost exactly what we did - we started with Sleep Lady Shuffle and then did Ferber.