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2nd Trimester
How do I involve DH more?
I got a complaint from DH that I was leaving him out of the whole baby thing. He asked when I was going to be done with my book and accused me of hogging it. I wasn't even aware he wanted to read What to Expect, until he complained.
He was also upset that I shot him down on his idea to build a crib. I'll let him build the changing table or dresser but I just think the crib would be a bit much. He says I'm taking away his ways to be involved and seemed genuinely crushed when he opened up about it. I'm not sure what I should be doing to involve him that I'm not. He comes to the u/s each time and he is more than welcome to take the book from my dresser when he wants it!
Any ideas?
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Re: How do I involve DH more?
Have you asked him what he might like, in order to be more involved? Besides building the crib I mean. My DH asked to do the same thing and I said no.
Maybe you could read the book together and talk about it. He could read a book to your baby (belly) each night.
aaawww!! My dh wants to build the crib too. At first I thought the the delivery man should build it. But if he wants to do it hey why not. So I'm letting him build the crib.
You should go to the book store and get him his own baby book. I bought dh a book for him since he wanted to learn whats going on in my belly and learn more about the baby. Also I let him help me out filling out our baby book journal. and we read the book sometimes to each other.
It's very sweet that he wants to be involved first hand,
Hi! I usually lurk, but I'll throw my two cents in on this topic! Let DH know that you are so happy he even wants to be so involved (that's pretty awesome!) They have pg books just for "expectant" fathers that he may be interested in reading since he seems to want to read your book. Also, let him do his "dad" thing. If he is capable of building a changing table and dresser, why wouldn't you save that dough and let him build the crib? Is it a safety issue? Once the diaper changing begins, you'll be happy to have such a hands on DH! lol. Maybe you guys could go to a couples parenting class, pick out baby names toghether, pick out the layette toghether, do a photo session... He might just be feeling left out because you're #1 with baby until it gets here.. just reassure him that he is a major part of your lives and even by helping you (cooking, cleaning, rubbing your feet, etc!) he is doing sooo much!
HTH and H&H9
Awww...that's so wonderful that your DH wants to be so involved. He sounds super excited. Where I'm from, there are plenty of dead beat daddy's.
But anyways, if you don't feel comfortable with him building the crib, I wouldn't go for it. There are lots of other ways for him to be involved & from over here, it sounds like he's pretty involved already. My DH sometimes talks to the baby
He also helps out more around the house, & also goes to nearly every doctor visit. He did kind of hint to me that he wished I would quit calling our child "MY baby" because I think it makes him feel left out...
I don't know what to tell you other than ask him what he wants you to do to help him feel more involved. But he also needs to know that somethings you just won't feel comfortable with...like him building the crib (I totally agree with you, unless he's like a certified carpenter or the like).
Also, all you can do is try to involve him as much as possible, but there obviously is a physically limit to how involved a father can be ;-) Hope things get better for you both!
Thanks for the input ladies!
I'll have to look at getting him his own book to read. I don't think my book will be that applicable to him. He just wants to know the development and what signs of problems to look for. We miscarried a few months back and it really caught him off guard so he wants to understand everything this time. Any recommendations on books that your husbands like?
And yes, I feel like him building a crib is a safety issue. He did say there are kits you can buy that make sure the guidelines are met so I'll have to look. It just freaks me out a little. Plus we are in an apartment! Where is he planning to do this? I agree its sweet that he wants to though.
Make a pregnancy ticker
I bought my husband the book "The Expectant Father" maybe he would like that. I wish my husband wanted to be involved more, he hasnt even opened his book yet.
DH bought himself a couple of daddy books. "The Expectant Father" and "Pickles and Ice Cream". Pickles and Ice Cream has a lot of developmental stuff in it. DH is more into the tips on how to be supportive and get ready to be a daddy.
We read our books out loud to each other at bedtime and cuddle. It's awesome.
My best advice is to let him make at least half of the decisions and to talk to him about what's going on with the baby and you. DH is picking the color for the nursery and comes to most of the doctors appointments. I also enlisted his help with my crazy medicine schedule. It was his job to wake me up every morning at 6am for my blood pressure pill and progesterone. Also his job to bring me something to nosh so I wouldn't be queezy the rest of the morning. Once the progesterone was stopped, he's now my shot reminder and eager assistant. I'm also very diligent about telling him when the baby's moving and letting him try to feel them too even though they're too small for him to feel yet.