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to have him come to the hospital, or not?

lilbrownie08lilbrownie08
in Single Parents

I am 36 weeks pregnant, and haven't been with the father since December when I moved out because I had enough and I couldn't take him or our relationship anymore. I moved back home with my parents which I am so grateful for. I could go on, and on ranting about all of it, but long story short, by my choice we do not communicate unless by private messaging on FB, I have his number blocked so he cannot contact me, and he really is not involved in anything, by my choice. If it were up to him he would come to dr appointments and what not but I just don't feel comfortable with him there and it's all just a show to him and how he looks in other people's eyes. He claims that he will be apart of our child's life when he's here, and a lot of people like to tell me I should be grateful for that, but honestly, if it were up to me, I'd rather he wasn't.

...Anyways, like I said, I could go on and on..but the point of this was to get some opinions on when I go into labor if and when I should let him know? My mom is my support person, she will be the only one in the delivery room with me, and I spoke to a lawyer and she made it very clear that if I know there will be drama with him present at the hospital that it is not worth the stress and trouble it will cause me at that time...but he likes to make me feel guilty saying "these are times he will never get back..." but then I think these are times he could've had if he wouldn't have been such a d-bag....what's a girl to do?! My mom is pretty set on not having him there, and waiting to tell him about our son's birth until after we are home and settled in...

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Re: to have him come to the hospital, or not?

  • achase123achase123

    Want advice from someone who has been there?  Don't do it.  I had XH in the room (we had split when I was about 8 months along).  If I could do it all over again I would not.  He was either pouting because he wanted it to just be him and I and he couldn't get over that we wouldn't get back together afterwards or he was crashing (coming down from his drug high from the night before).  It was uncomfortable with my BFF and my mom around him, although they did their best because they wanted me to have a good experience. 

    He didn't deserve to be in there but I gave into the guilt and the "I'll never get back this time".

    He made his bed, and it's time for him to lie in it.  You decide based on your feelings and  yours alone, not some misguided guilt.

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  • Meliss227Meliss227

    I didn't have my son's father in the room with me. I had my sister and best friend. 

    I left him when I was 4 months pregnant. I blocked him from calling or texting. I stopped telling him about doctor's appointments. I do not regret any of it.

    I knew when I was delivering because I was induced and saw him two days before at work and he didn't ask me anything about our son so I didn't bother to tell him about the induction. I didn't call him after I delivered either. He found out because he had his friend stalk me on facebook and saw my profile picture which I had changed to my son. He then called my sister and left a message and said "he saw an infant on facebook and wanted to know what was going on" What did he think was going on?

    I am glad I didn't have him in the room, I don't think I could have handled him and I know my sister and friend would not have been happy about it either. It can get pretty stressful so don't have him there if it will add to the stress.

    Good Luck! 

    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
    "There comes a time in life, when you walk away from all the drama and people who create it. You surround yourself with people who make you laugh, forget the bad, and focus on the good. So love the people who treat you right, pray for the ones who don't. Life is too short to be anything but happy. Falling down is a part of life, getting back up is living."
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  • cbbccbbc
    I agree with your mom. If he wasn't a douchebag, you guys would still be together and he'd have the opportunity to be there. Plus, labor is stressful. I wouldn't want someone I didn't like in the room with me. I would definitely extend an invitation to come over once you are home though. That way you can always say that you did reach out to him after the baby was born. GL
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  • AmandaJordan1985AmandaJordan1985 member

    I went through the same thing. In the end, my ex was there and I kind of wish he wasn't. He wasn't there for me through my pregnancy after promising to be (I realize we weren't together but those were his words, not mine) and when we were at the hospital his parents acted like he was gods gift just because he brought me flowers - ya, like that makes up for all the other BS. My sister was there also and i'm so glad she was.

    In the end, go with what you think is best. You really don't need the extra stress while in labor.

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  • katie_cjkatie_cj member

    I didn't split with my ex-FI until Jake was a year old. But if I were you, I would NOT have him in the room.

    Negative energy just doesn't have a place in the labour and delivery room. You should only have people who support YOU 100%. 

     

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  • dimakedimake
    Stress can stall labor, so if you think he will stress you out - give him a call when it's all over.  Don't give in to the guilt trip.
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  • lilbrownie08lilbrownie08
    thank you everyone! definitely helps a lot to hear from others in similar situations...
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  • crystalt426crystalt426 member
    I have to say that I disagree. If you don't want him in the labor room with you, he can at least wait outside. They have waiting rooms for that very reason. He sounds like he wants to be involved with your child. If you block him out now (even if he is just doing it as a show) it's going to bring lots of resentment later in life. You have to spend at least the next 18 years making decisions with this person about your LO even if you aren't together. At the very least call him after the delivery when you are recovering to come to the hospital.
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  • lilbrownie08lilbrownie08
    Honestly, I don't think it's worth having him there. I don't know what it's going to be like, I could have a good delievery or a bad one. I don't even need him in the waiting room, just knowing that would be stressful on me and this may sound selfish, but it is about us moms at that point in time...what our bodies are going through, I don't need the added stress of him at the hospital when it's recovery time and when I have four different nurses doing this and that to me and then trying to learn how to breastfeed. Waiting till I am at home and can relax and he can come have a supervised visit with his son, that's different. I realize I have to deal with him for the next 18 years, but this is something he should've thought about before he put himself in this situation. This is not how I wanted it to be, but by his actions, this is how it lead to be. These are my first memories that I had to do by myself that I will never get back also.
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