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I can't vent about my marriage IRL, so here you go

DesignsOnYouDesignsOnYou member
in Babies on the Brain

I haven't talked to my husband in 3 days except basic caveman responses of yes, no, etc. so we can get through the day.

Neither one of has said "I love you" in almost 3 days as well which is REALLY weird b/c we're one of those annoying couples that says it all the time and at the end of every phone call.

We're at an impasse it seems and neither one of us is willing to give in. We're both so stubborn but this feels like the longest one of these standoffs has gone on. Everyday it continues feels like it's hurting our relationship even more.

Ugh, I can't talk to anyone of my friends about it because they probably couldn't be unbias (they would probably side with me) plus I think discussing marital problems can be very tricky since you might make up and move on but the friend will always remember.

Anway, don't know what the point of this is except to get it out.

"If you find a mate in life, you should be loyal. In your case, grateful."
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Re: I can't vent about my marriage IRL, so here you go

  • Le OliveLe Olive member
    What are you at an impasse about?
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  • Mysterious_wifeMysterious_wife member
    Haven't you left him before?
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  • akaluttsakalutts member

    Been there and it blows. I hope you guys are able to find a way through it soon :(

    Big Hugs!

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  • DesignsOnYouDesignsOnYou member

    imageMysterious_wife:
    Haven't you left him before?

    Um, no. Definitely confusing me with someone else ;-)

    "If you find a mate in life, you should be loyal. In your case, grateful."
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  • Mysterious_wifeMysterious_wife member
    imageDesignsOnYou:

    imageMysterious_wife:
    Haven't you left him before?

    Um, no. Definitely confusing me with someone else ;-)

    oops.  

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  • DesignsOnYouDesignsOnYou member

    imageLe Olive:
    What are you at an impasse about?

    Kind of a long story I'm hesistant to share but it involves him lying and/or willingly hiding something from me depending on how you look at it and then when I freaked out he says I'm being controlling about this particular aspect of our life so that's why he didn't tell me.

    "If you find a mate in life, you should be loyal. In your case, grateful."
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  • Le OliveLe Olive member
    Well... I wouldn't be speaking to him either then! Three days does suck, though. I totally understand not telling your IRL friends.
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  • caffinated_tulipcaffinated_tulip member
    That sucks hun. I have no advice but I'm sorry and I hope you guys sort it out quickly.
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  • Lambie.Lambie. member
    imageDesignsOnYou:

    imageLe Olive:
    What are you at an impasse about?

    Kind of a long story I'm hesistant to share but it involves him lying and/or willingly hiding something from me depending on how you look at it and then when I freaked out he says I'm being controlling about this particular aspect of our life so that's why he didn't tell me.

    Is is something dumb like spending money on baseball cards or major like "I'm going to the gym" when he is really going to the bar?

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  • mylittlesunshinemylittlesunshine member
    sorry you aren't able to tell your IRL friends. As my dh says...take the higher road and just be the first one to start a converstation about what it is that is bringing on the silence. Maybe he is waiting for you to make the first move...sucks...but it wouldn't hurt to try. Good luck
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  • danlexi04danlexi04
    I'm sorry. I've been there and it sucks so no judgment from me. I also don't do lying even if it's over something stupid so if I were you I probably wouldn't be speaking to him either. I hope it gets better for the both of you.
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  • DesignsOnYouDesignsOnYou member
    imageLambie.:
    imageDesignsOnYou:

    imageLe Olive:
    What are you at an impasse about?

    Kind of a long story I'm hesistant to share but it involves him lying and/or willingly hiding something from me depending on how you look at it and then when I freaked out he says I'm being controlling about this particular aspect of our life so that's why he didn't tell me.

    Is is something dumb like spending money on baseball cards or major like "I'm going to the gym" when he is really going to the bar?

    Um, I would say it probably falls somewhere in between the two.  To me,  the biggest thing was lying about it to my face... that bothers me more than anything.

    But then he comes back with basically you've been a controlling b about this issue and so I don't want to tell you about it... which honestly, has some truth to it - but I can't get over being lied to.

    "If you find a mate in life, you should be loyal. In your case, grateful."
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  • LyssapeeLyssapee member

    Even if he was "at fault" the longer the silence goes on the worse it could get.  If possible, I would try to start a conversation with him.

    Sorry you're going through rough times.  I hope it gets better for you soon. 

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  • cbbccbbc
    imageDesignsOnYou:
    imageLambie.:
    imageDesignsOnYou:

    imageLe Olive:
    What are you at an impasse about?

    Kind of a long story I'm hesistant to share but it involves him lying and/or willingly hiding something from me depending on how you look at it and then when I freaked out he says I'm being controlling about this particular aspect of our life so that's why he didn't tell me.

    Is is something dumb like spending money on baseball cards or major like "I'm going to the gym" when he is really going to the bar?

    Um, I would say it probably falls somewhere in between the two.  To me,  the biggest thing was lying about it to my face... that bothers me more than anything.

    But then he comes back with basically you've been a controlling b about this issue and so I don't want to tell you about it... which honestly, has some truth to it - but I can't get over being lied to.

    I'm sorry. I hate being lied to as well. Hope you guys can work it out soon.

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  • DrBeepersWifeDrBeepersWife member

    imagedanlexi04:
    I'm sorry. I've been there and it sucks so no judgment from me. I also don't do lying even if it's over something stupid so if I were you I probably wouldn't be speaking to him either. I hope it gets better for the both of you.

    This.  If he lied (whitheld the truth) he would be punished to the furtherest extent...pending it was over something some what serious.

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  • ExcitedtostartExcitedtostart member
    imageDesignsOnYou:

    But then he comes back with basically you've been a controlling b about this issue and so I don't want to tell you about it... which honestly, has some truth to it - but I can't get over being lied to.

    No judgement here. I would say this to him, that yes you've been controlling about this issue, but you can't get over being lied to. Let that start a conversation. GL!

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  • cookie_queencookie_queen
    imageLyssapee:

    Even if he was "at fault" the longer the silence goes on the worse it could get.  If possible, I would try to start a conversation with him.

    Sorry you're going through rough times.  I hope it gets better for you soon. 

    this. 

    Can you two go out just the two of you soon to talk without distractions?

     

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  • Lambie.Lambie. member

    Just because he thinks you have been controlling, even if true, doesn't mean he should lie or with hold information.  He could say "look, I want to talk to you about this and when I have done that in the past I feel like you have responded in a controlling way so I would really appreciate if you could have an open mind about this conversation".  Of course he is a guy so that didn't happen.

    Maybe start a conversation by saying "Hey, you mentioned I have been controlling about this so can we please talk about it and I will try and keep an open mind?"  And be sure to mention at some point that lying is not an ok solution to his problem.

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  • ExcitedtostartExcitedtostart member
    Just a question, but is this about porn?
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  • kittybits21kittybits21 member
    imageLambie.:

    Just because he thinks you have been controlling, even if true, doesn't mean he should lie or with hold information.  He could say "look, I want to talk to you about this and when I have done that in the past I feel like you have responded in a controlling way so I would really appreciate if you could have an open mind about this conversation".  Of course he is a guy so that didn't happen.

    Maybe start a conversation by saying "Hey, you mentioned I have been controlling about this so can we please talk about it and I will try and keep an open mind?"  And be sure to mention at some point that lying is not an ok solution to his problem.

    this. have you considered counseling? would he agree to go if you asked?

    I say counseling because this is how it started with my husband, but I didn't catch him in the lie until it snowballed and turned into something huge and it caused a separation. I don't mean to sound foreboding and all debbie downer, I just wanted to illustrate that counseling is an easy way to head something off.

    GL!

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  • sourapplemartinisourapplemartini member

    imageExcitedtostart:
    Just a question, but is this about porn?

    I totally read this as "What about porn?" in a suggestion to save the marriage, hahaha.

    Sorry you're going through this. It sucks. 

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  • cbbccbbc
    imagekittybits21:
    imageLambie.:

    Just because he thinks you have been controlling, even if true, doesn't mean he should lie or with hold information.  He could say "look, I want to talk to you about this and when I have done that in the past I feel like you have responded in a controlling way so I would really appreciate if you could have an open mind about this conversation".  Of course he is a guy so that didn't happen.

    Maybe start a conversation by saying "Hey, you mentioned I have been controlling about this so can we please talk about it and I will try and keep an open mind?"  And be sure to mention at some point that lying is not an ok solution to his problem.

    this. have you considered counseling? would he agree to go if you asked?

    I say counseling because this is how it started with my husband, but I didn't catch him in the lie until it snowballed and turned into something huge and it caused a separation. I don't mean to sound foreboding and all debbie downer, I just wanted to illustrate that counseling is an easy way to head something off.

    GL!

    Counseling saved my marriage too. I am so, so glad we went.

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  • kyfirewifekyfirewife member

    YGPM

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