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WWYD (family/travel related)
So . . . long story short (ish): my grandfather lives in Syracuse and is 93. They moved him to a nursing home a few weeks ago and going downhill really fast. We were going to go visit him over Memorial Day weekend, but it looks like he might not make it that long so my dad wants to go this weekend instead.
I'm going to go, absolutely, but can't decide if DH and J should come with me. We'd be leaving mid-day Friday and coming back Sunday afternoon, so a quick trip.
On the one hand, it would be nice to have them with me (especially on Mother's Day, although . . . whatever). It would give J one last chance to see his great-grandfather, and there's actually going to be a lot of family there so it might be kind of fun (?) aside from the goodbyes.
On the other hand, it would entail a 6+ hour drive and probably getting a hotel room for two nights. And we have had a crazy couple of weekends the last few weeks (traveled to WV last weekend, ILs visiting the weekend before, and our staycation before that when J stayed with my mom). If it weren't for this coming up we would have done NOTHING all weekend because we really need some down time. I think J could probably really use a little more "normal" weekend and I honestly wouldn't really want to go through the hassle of packing up the car again. My other concern is I'd feel bad leaving DH to deal with J alone all weekend.
I know my grandparents and the rest of my family will be fine with whatever I decide, so that's not an issue.
Any thoughts? Would you bring your LO or not? Can you tell I'm stressed? I've never lost a grandparent before and I'm a little blue.
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Re: WWYD (family/travel related)
I would bring him. You will never regret the opportunity for DS and your grandfather to see each other one more time, even if it may be a tough weekend for you and LO.
I am so sorry you are going through this difficult time.
I'm sorry for what you're family is going through and having to make logistical decisions on top of it is never fun. My first reaction to your dilemma was that you should go solo. I just traveled for my great aunt's funeral (so, no goodbyes, but there was family time and lots of running around) and considered DH and the kids and I driving the eight hours to CT. We decided it was too much for the whole family to fit into one weekend - we'd all get worn out, the kids wouldn't understand what was going on, and the kids' needs would have to supercede everything.
I think it depends on what you want to get out of the weekend. If you really want J to have one more visit with his great-grandfather (even though neither of them may really comprehend what's going on), have some "happy" time with family, etc., then bring him. If you want to focus on your last visit with your grandfather, spending as much time with him and any other family members as possible (without being tied to a toddler's schedule), and supporting your parents...then leave him home. Also, not to be morbid, if there's a chance your grandfather could pass before you arrive or over the weekend, that'll throw all your plans out the window and you might have to adjust last-minute. I assume your DH and J would go with you for the funeral (but maybe not attend the formal events), so any visiting with family can be saved for then.
I'd bring my DH and DS. Like you said, it will likely be the last time they spend time together and I'm sure your grandfather would really appreciate seeing your son. Babies light up peoples' lives - it would mean so much to him and your whole family.
Plus, I would need my DH's support. My hubs is my rock especially in situations like this.
I am so sorry your family is going through this. However, I hope it is a peaceful experience for you all. My thoughts will be with you.
I should have mentioned, he has pretty severe Alzheimer's - I don't think he recognizes anyone at this point. Ugh. Although he does love babies . . .
TTC #2: BFP 12/17/11, m/c 1/7/12 and D&C 1/12/12
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i'm so sorry you are experiencing this.
i would def. bring him. your grandfather's mind may not appreciate the presence of you and your family, but his spirit will.
and J may not understand the importance of this trip and this visit, but you can remind him of it when he is older and when he is an adult, it may help shape the way he views family and the role members play in each other's lives.
6 hours in the car may seem like an eternity (i just made 2 back-to-back trips to NY, one on Easter weekend, with both kids, one of whom doesn't travel well, so i feel your pain!), but it's a snap in the span of a lifetime.
This. Babies do wonders in these kinds of situations and having DH there will be a great source of comfort. Yes, the travel will be a pain, but I think in this case it's worth it!
Emotionally, what do you want (taking the logistics of packing and travel out of it)? Will it help you to have them there, or will it be stressful? I say go with that, and, as Tim Gunn says, make it work.
As a PP said, if it will be helpful to have them there for support/distraction, it will be worth it to bring them. If you want some family time without distraction, leave them at home. J and DH will be fine either way in the long run.
Lastly, I'm so sorry you're going through this. Regardless of what you decide to do, I hope you get some quality time with your grandfather while you're there.
I am so sorry
My grandmother died with advanced Alzheimer's a year and a half ago. It is such a terrible disease...