What would you do if a family member is stealing your baby name?

Kcirar726 · May 2011

Im so mad. My brother in law's girlfriend is pregnant and due 2 1/2 months before me. When we found out he was having a girl my husband asked what names they were thinking of. He said they hadn't really come up with anything yet, so my husband said ok, we call isabella. So now his girlfriend keeps saying her name choices are between Serenity and Bella. WTF How can they consider using Bella when they know we are using Isabella? It's the same thing. My husband has said something to his brother and his brother is insisting they wont use it, but I know that when it comes down to it he'll do what ever his girlfriend wants and by then it will be to late. Would you say something to the girlfriend, or let it go and try to come up with an alternate name just in case? I have already been refering to the baby as isabella and bella, so I feel like that's her name already. Im so mad and stressed, I don't know what to do. Sorry this was a long rant.

crystal959 · May 2011

Unfortunately, no one owns a name. If it bothers you that much, yes I would think of a new name.

Isabella/Bella is number 1 name in America. She'll be sharing a name with approx 22,067 other little girls, does one more really make a difference? And she might not even like the NN Bella, she might go more towards Izzy or even just Belle.

etoyama · May 2011

cadegani:

Unfortunately, no one owns a name. If it bothers you that much, yes I would think of a new name.

Isabella/Bella is number 1 name in America. She'll be sharing a name with approx 22,067 other little girls, does one more really make a difference? And she might not even like the NN Bella, she might go more towards Izzy or even just Belle.

Yes

NativeFloridian · May 2011

This is one of the reasons why FI and I are not telling anyone in our circle the name we're choosing.

Honestly? Normally I'd say to proceed as planned and name the baby whatever you want to. But since she's due before you and has the ability to snatch the name out from under you, you should probably come up with an alternative. I'm sure you can come up with a variation of the same name that's just as lovely.

And really, she may not choose the name, so I'd say keep your original choice at the top and come up with a backup just in case.

Also, if you're anything like me you can try dropping all kinds of nifty names to see if you can throw her off track by tossing something out that she likes better than the name you chose. It's not dirty, it's strategy.

At any rate, try not to stress too much or hold onto your anger. In the long run, a name is just a name - your baby is going to be precious no matter what!

Matt Dvorak · May 2011

I've had numerous parents tell me to never tell the name your using until baby is born for 2 reasons: 1. People will criticize it, and 2. People will "steal" it. Apparently both of these issues are super common.

A coworker of mine early in pregnancy told me her future boy name list (she's not even trying to get pregnant right now, just has a list already!) and I admit, one of them I ended up liking and passed along to DH (who turned it down). She isn't a close friend and I now live far away, so it wouldn't be a big deal, but sometimes hearing a name makes you realize that you really like it! So it's best just to keep your mouth shut if you don't want others to decide that you've come up with a good name

ohfour · May 2011

I also have to agree with the fact that you picked the number one name for baby girls in the U.S.....so she's going to have to share....with like, everyone. I mean it sucks that a close family member is picking something so close, but maybe she really likes it too and doesn't care if they have similar names?

LJR 84 · May 2011

Well, if they "stole" the name, then so did 894651987 other people.

If you like it that much, then I'd just use it anyway. No one owns a name. I find it extremely annoying when people try to claim a name.

itsmevkb · May 2011

First off, no-one is stealing anything.

Secondly, name your baby whatever you want even if your brother ends up naming his daughter the same thing.

Cilley · May 2011

That is a very popular name these days. Hope you have an alternate name. Before I was married or had kids, I had dreamed of naming my baby Isabel, but then Twilight came out and a friend named her child Isabel. Plus, I have a cousin named Isabel, so I had to go for an alternate name when I found out we were having a girl. It sucks because you try not to name your kid with a name that one of your fam or friends has already used recently. Hope you find a name that you like!

melaniedel · May 2011

So start telling EVERYONE in the family your plan to name the baby Isabella. Then if she names the baby Bella, peole will say isn't that your cousins baby name? I understand why you would be upset. I would be too. We are not telling anyone anything though until the birthdate. Not even my Mom, which is so hard, but worth it. Ugh, that is stressful. I agree with pp though, name the baby what ever you want anyway. I like Iza or Izzy for nick names, too. GL.

Sara*n*Ryan · May 2011

melaniedel:

So start telling EVERYONE in the family your plan to name the baby Isabella. Then if she names the baby Bella, peole will say isn't that your cousins baby name? I understand why you would be upset. I would be too. We are not telling anyone anything though until the birthdate. Not even my Mom, which is so hard, but worth it. Ugh, that is stressful. I agree with pp though, name the baby what ever you want anyway. I like Iza or Izzy for nick names, too. GL.

While I agree with the other PP, I do think this is kind of a good idea:)

This is exactly why we aren't telling anyone our name choices. It's hard not to tell, but I don't want to hear people's judgements and this way if my SIL were to choose a name on our list, I can know it wasn't on purpose or something. My SIL (two weeks ahead of me) & BIL told everyone their name choices at 10 weeks! We still aren't even 100% on anything at 26 weeks. And they are having a girl and naming her Ava, the now number 2 name, has been number 1 for a few years and is the same name as my one-year-old niece.

eesome · May 2011

If you love it, use it. The family will just have a Bella and a Isabella.

You could always make a joke in front of her and see what she says. Say something like "This is going to be so weird. When our kids are playing together I will be screaming for Isabella and you will be screaming for Bella and our girls will get confused!" Then laugh it off.

Either something will click and she will consider changing it, or she will think that's cute and will keep it. GL!

jessicaclare · May 2011

itsmevkb:

First off, no-one is stealing anything.

Secondly, name your baby whatever you want even if your brother ends up naming his daughter the same thing.

This. I have to admit, I laughed when you said your husband "called" Isabella. That just sounds so juvenile to me.

If you like it, use it. Your niece and your DD will probably think its really fun to have the same name, and you can always use different nicknames. No one owns a name.

nhinze01 · May 2011

This makes me laugh because when I was pregnant with DS I really wanted to use the name on my brothers "Baby Name List". He wasn't even expecting at the time and I begged him to let me use it, I even tried to pay him for it!!!! lol but he really liked it so I backed off, now I can't imagine my son being named "Brogan" and not my sweet little "Kamden". Good luck

Mrs White · May 2011

Posts like this drive me batty. You sound like a spoiled little kid. No one can steal a name. If you are set on the name use it. If it bothers you to have the names similar and she uses it then change it. It is not the end of the world.

beachgirl10 · May 2011

If I were you, I wouldn't worry about it until their baby is born and a name is "written in stone". Obviously, they get first pick since their child will be born first. I have never understood this whole name calling thing, but I have a SIL who got mad that I got pregnant before her because of the whole we thought of the same name thing. Turns out, neither one of us ended up using the name.

I have 2 SIL's now due 5 months after me. My feeling is, I get first pick at any name I want. One rule we use is we don't use family names without talking to others in the family. Other than that, any name is up for grabs and the first baby born gets first pick.

I have to agree with above PP. Isabella/Bella is a very popular name right now, so your DD will be sharing that name with several little girls probably anyway.

Kcirar726 · May 2011

Im well aware it's the number one name thanks to twilight, but we thought of this name long before that and it's the only girls name we agree on. ?i know that she will have six other bellas in her class, but for her cousin to have the same name isn't ok with me. Sorry if you all think we're so juvenile, but to me your baby's name is very important and the fact that they agreed not to use it, but then say they will anyway is what bothers me the most.

BK33 · May 2011

Personally I wouldn't care about it and I would still use the name. But, I can understand how you feel. Wait and see what they decide when their baby comes. You may not need to worry about it.

I must say that reading through these responses to your post, some people on this board should learn how to express their opinions or offer advice without being so demeaning. It's just not necessary. Everyone is entitled to the opinion and feelings about things and the purpose of this board is to express those opinions and feelings freely. You don't have to agree but you dont need to be rude either.

itsmevkb · May 2011

Kcirar726:
Im well aware it's the number one name thanks to twilight, but we thought of this name long before that and it's the only girls name we agree on. ?i know that she will have six other bellas in her class, but for her cousin to have the same name isn't ok with me. Sorry if you all think we're so juvenile, but to me your baby's name is very important and the fact that they agreed not to use it, but then say they will anyway is what bothers me the most.

It's her cousin, not her sister. Do you realize how many sons and daughters are named after their parents or grandparents? What is the difference between those people having the same name and your daughter having the same name as her cousin?

I agree that your baby's name is important which is why I suggested you name your daughter the name you love no matter what your brother chooses to do.

JennyAnne022776 · May 2011

Crash Into Me:
You don't own the name. You should have kept quiet until the baby was born.

Yup. Lesson learned.

We announced our names to immediate family only. But that's because my two SILs aren't even married, let alone thinking of starting a family. I knew I would have no issues with my sister and BIL (BIL doesn't even care for one of our names much). I have said nothing to anyone else because I don't want opinions or feedback.

Iove.wins · May 2011

I don't mean for this to sound as snarky as it's going to come across... But choosing the #1 girl's name in the US if you don't want someone "stealing" it was probably not the wisest move.

I agree with PPs that next time, maybe you should keep your LO's name a secret... I'm just glad your SIL decided not to use Serenity. Indifferent

crystal959 · May 2011

Iove.wins:
I don't mean for this to sound as snarky as it's going to come across... But choosing the #1 girl's name in the US if you don't want someone "stealing" it was probably not the wisest move.
I agree with PPs that next time, maybe you should keep your LO's name a secret... I'm just glad your SIL decided not to use Serenity.

I don't think her SIL has given birth yet. Serenity is still in the race. I'd rather my niece's name be very similar to my daughters than have to tell people my niece's name is Serenity. Ick!

Monsieur_et_Madame_Ha · May 2011

My 2 cents:

- If you REALLY like a name, then use it.
- If the name you like is the #1 name in the US right now, then expect other people (and I don't mean just random strangers) to want to use it too.
- You can't "own" or "call" a name. If you REALLY don't want your DD and your niece's name to be so close, then a backup name is in order, just in case.
- Your niece isn't born yet. Your SIL has time to change her mind. And so do you.

In a sense, this might be a blessing in disguise. Think about it. What if your SIL was due 2-1/2 months AFTER you and named her DD Bella? Then you would be stuck with Isabella and Bella and there would be nothing you could do about it. By having your DD second, you at least have the option of choosing another name, should she in fact go with Bella.

abell77 · May 2011

Nobody owns a name, so no one can steal a name or lay claim to a name. If you want to name your daughter Isabella, go for it. If they name their daughter Bella, honestly you just need to let it go.

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