LO's under a year and visits

Re: LO's under a year and visits

• sweetie0228 member

  May 2011

  Meliss227:

  This past Saturday was C's 4th visit with his dad away from our apartment. The visits have been anywhere from 6 hours to almost 8. He has taken him to his parents' house twice and his house twice. I have no idea what they do there, if they follow his schedule, how many people are around him, etc.

  Put this out of your mind, b/c you can't control this and unless you want him to control you and what schedule you follow and how many people you have around the LO you don't get to make rules during his parenting time.  SUCKS I know.
  

  When C gets in his dad's car he is fine but when he comes back he is miserable. From Saturday evening to Monday morning he will not let me put him down, I can't even go to the bathroom without him crying, he wont go to anyone else (he loves my sister and refuses to go to her), normally he loves going to daycare but on Monday mornings after his visit he acts like he wants nothing to do with them. 
  

  I feel so bad for C because he will cry uncontrollably and it was so bad this past Saturday that he made himself sick. It's also getting to be pretty rough on me too because I can't do anything without him attached to me. 

  This is all transition for the LO.  He is just trying to make sense of his world and doesn't want you to disappear.  Nothing bad is necessarily happening at visitation but he doesn't want to do it again soon. It's hard.  It's frustrating.  The BEST thing is to stay consistent and right back to the schedule.  There is happiness and stability in schedule.
  

   Does anyone have any suggestions? He is only 9 1/2 months so I don't know how much talking to him and telling him he will be fine is going to do. When he comes back I keep on his schedule and try to play with his different toys and go out to keep him occupied.

  Any help would be great! Thanks! 

  In all honesty,  years ago when my kids did visitation it took a good 2-3 days of consistency and rules and schedule for them to be "normal" again.  And yes it seemed like as soon as they were back in the groove they had to go back again.

  I can't say it gets "better" it just becomes part of the normal.  And as LO grows and this is the routine, it will get less crying till he is sick and more "but dad lets me at his house"
  

  

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• Meliss227

  May 2011

  sweetie0228:

  This past Saturday was C's 4th visit with his dad away from our apartment. The visits have been anywhere from 6 hours to almost 8. He has taken him to his parents' house twice and his house twice. I have no idea what they do there, if they follow his schedule, how many people are around him, etc.

  Put this out of your mind, b/c you can't control this and unless you want him to control you and what schedule you follow and how many people you have around the LO you don't get to make rules during his parenting time.  SUCKS I know.  

  Thanks, Sweetie. 

  I know I can't control what goes on there or who is there. I ask where they are going so I know if C is out of the state and if he fed him but I don't even ask what they do and I don't care as long as he comes home they way he went. 

  Part of me was just wondering if its just the different schedule, people, food, activities is what is making him act miserable when he comes home. We do go right back to his schedule and I will continue to do that.

  Not that I want him to tell me "but dad lets me do this at his house" but then at least I would know why he is acting how he is.

  It breaks my heart when he cries and I can't fix it. 

  
  "There comes a time in life, when you walk away from all the drama and people who create it. You surround yourself with people who make you laugh, forget the bad, and focus on the good. So love the people who treat you right, pray for the ones who don't. Life is too short to be anything but happy. Falling down is a part of life, getting back up is living."

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• Mrs.Keith2B member

  May 2011

  Everything as Sweetie said, as usual

   

  Unfortunately, this is all part of raising a LO in a divided home. It's extremely frustrating at times, and definitely painful for us when we see how our LO's are acting when they return. Your LO is at an age where he's still trying to adjust to life, and this is all part of that process. Like Sweetie said, just make sure you jump right back into your schedule when you get him back. I'm dealing with the same thing -- I get my DS back at 4PM on Sunday's after a weekend at his dad's, and he's usually returned to me exhausted and hungry. I give him a snack and try to hold off on dinner until the normal time of 6:00PM, but it's difficult. It's even more challenging trying to get DS to stay up until 7:00 PM for his normal bedtime. However, that one evening of challenges is all it takes to get him back on schedule by the following morning.

   

  It's frustrating and exhausting, but it sounds like you're doing all of the right things.

  
  

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