How do you do church with kids?

Mrs.BoomBoom · May 2011

I'm totally frustrated (was practically in tears today) about mass. Q loves church. Loves the lights. Loves the singing. Loves the people. The problem is, he talks. He is usually quiet while we're all singing or while we're all reciting prayers...then, as soon as it's only one person, he starts talking with them. We've tried 'sushing' but it does nothing. I feel like we spend the whole time sushing and then trying to shift him and then finally with one of us getting up with him and walking to the back or outside...then coming back in and starting the whole sequence all over.

The Catholic Church doesn't have drop-off daycare until the kids are at least 3 and the parish we go to doesn't have a back room with glass walls.

At this point, I see 2 options...I go alone or we don't go until Q's older. I just always thought that church was for the whole family and this makes me incredibly sad.

Any suggestions?

TheMutleys · May 2011

Gavin is a lot younger but he does the same thing. He likes to 'sing' along while others are singing. He also likes to start making all sorts of noises as soon as it is quiet. I assume that it is because of how we converse with him. I wait until he is quiet before I start talking to him, and then he starts making noises when I stop.

While I was somewhat embarrassed at first, I realized that people don't mind a baby or little kid that isn't crying. We've had several people come up to us to tell us how well behaved he is. (After I spent most of the mass wondering if we should just leave because of his sounds.) One of our priests even commented on how spirited and happy he is.

If you love going to mass as a family, I would continue to go. He will learn the rituals in due time. Until then, if he is happy talking, I would keep him in church and continue participating in mass. I would only take him outside if he was fussy or unhappy and disturbing others.

I don't know if it makes a difference, but we usually go to 5PM Mass on Saturdays. It is a little less crowded than the 10AM on Sundays, and there seem to be more families with young children at that time.

Mrs.BoomBoom · May 2011

TheMutleys:

I don't know if it makes a difference, but we usually go to 5PM Mass on Saturdays. It is a little less crowded than the 10AM on Sundays, and there seem to be more families with young children at that time.

Thanks. Good point about the time. We have problems with the normal 'kid' masses because they're during nap times.

ladipale · May 2011

I agree with Mutely, as long as he is making happy noises, I wouldn't worry too much about it. We go to the 'family' mass and so far E has slept through all the times we have gone, but we'll see what happens as she gets older.

Roni.Cedra · May 2011

I think it is fine personally, and I plan on having my daughter come to church with me. If she chats, she chats. People that I know seem to be ok with everything except possibly noise during the homily/sermon (as one old lady told me once, she has heard the liturgy a million times, she doesn't need to hear it to know it). In addition, if they aren't tolerant, how do they expect kids and Q to learn to behave during church?

My friend takes her daughter with her every Sunday. She never uses the cry room or the nursery because she wants her daughter to know that when it is church we do this and that, not the other. It take patience and will power, but her daughter is a rock star now.

Good luck!

f&s2006 · May 2011

Hm... well I guess it depends on how disruptive it feels to you - if you and DH are not enjoying church because of the stress from Q, then honestly I might try to find another church to attend that does have a drop in day care.

P loves the much and people at church, so what we usually do is have him hang out at the beginning and end - basically the singing part at hte beginning, then off to the nursery, then pick him back up for communion, prayers, and singing... I feel as if that way we ALL get to enjoy the service - both together as a family in part, and also as just attenders who get to listen to the sermon too.

Though, that said, most parents I know, they just switch off in some way during the service, esp if the kiddo doesn't take to being left in the nursery by themselves... so even if there IS daycare it's not always a guarantee of a quiet service.

pink.dutch.tulips · May 2011

i've gone to church 3 times w/ dd .. all holiday services (2 easters and a christmas) thankfully i've been able to sit by families w/ other kids her age OR people i've known forever who are more than forgiving of a certain babbling toddler.

when she got REALLY fussy, i'm lucky enough to have the option to take her to the glassed in narthex so i can see and hear the service while she races back and forth. once she settles down, we go back into the service. my church has these kiddie bags that have coloring books, crayons, a magna-doddle .. quiet things to keep kids occupied. you might want to think about making doing something similar.

each time, i'm AMAZED at how my mom handled FOUR of us in church by herself (remember my dad's a minister, he was up front) and somehow managed to keep us quiet. i feel like it's a juggling act w/ ONE !

Mrs.BoomBoom · May 2011

Thanks everyone. He's totally happy and not running around or anything. Maybe it bothers me more than it does the people around me (but it drives me nuts). Big holidays (like Easter) have not been an issue. It's so crowded that his little bit of noise doesn't make a difference. It's the normal Sunday masses that I find problematic. He was much quieter when he was littler. I actually kept lectoring (doing the readings in front) for his 1st 9 months. I don't know a single Catholic Church with drop off, so, that's not an option.

ladipale · May 2011

Mrs.BoomBoom:
Thanks everyone. He's totally happy and not running around or anything. Maybe it bothers me more than it does the people around me (but it drives me nuts). Big holidays (like Easter) have not been an issue. It's so crowded that his little bit of noise doesn't make a difference. It's the normal Sunday masses that I find problematic. He was much quieter when he was littler. I actually kept lectoring (doing the readings in front) for his 1st 9 months. I don't know a single Catholic Church with drop off, so, that's not an option.

What church do you go to? I thought most had the infant/little kid room with the glass windows. But I bet it bothers you much more than him, I took mental note the last time we went to mass and when i heard another baby crying, I barely noticed, but when E fussed I got super anxious. When babies are happy, most people respond to them and smile at them, etc.

Mrs.BoomBoom · May 2011

ladipale:
Mrs.BoomBoom:
Thanks everyone. He's totally happy and not running around or anything. Maybe it bothers me more than it does the people around me (but it drives me nuts). Big holidays (like Easter) have not been an issue. It's so crowded that his little bit of noise doesn't make a difference. It's the normal Sunday masses that I find problematic. He was much quieter when he was littler. I actually kept lectoring (doing the readings in front) for his 1st 9 months. I don't know a single Catholic Church with drop off, so, that's not an option.
What church do you go to? I thought most had the infant/little kid room with the glass windows. But I bet it bothers you much more than him, I took mental note the last time we went to mass and when i heard another baby crying, I barely noticed, but when E fussed I got super anxious. When babies are happy, most people respond to them and smile at them, etc.

We go to a small parish and there is just one large room...no glassed in room. The other parish we used to go to had closed circuit TV with big screens in the parish hall. I hate those rooms because usually the kids are left to run wild in them (rather than 'it's church, we try') I know once he's older and he can color or whatever it won't be as big of a deal (and he'll understand when we tell him he needs to be quiet)

tiki_t · May 2011

I didn't see if it has been mentioned yet but in case it hasn't...

Some churches now stream their services online for people who can't get out. I know a few moms that don't feel comfortable taking their kid to church but really miss the experience. They started finding services that they could stream and it has really worked out well for them. It's a better than nothing solution.

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