One last post about recent events with IL's (long)
Here is what I said to them via email...
I am sorry that she is upset, however those pictures did not belong to her to begin with, she took them from our facebook and made them her own without our permission. I can understand wanting to share our joy with others but not at the risk of the babies. By posting pictures for the "public" to see (and yes Mom's account settings are public) she is allowing complete strangers to see OUR babies. I can even understand her printing them out and carrying the photo album around to show people, but to put them on display like that isn't fair to us.
She also mentioned that Lisa doesn't like to look at the pictures so there for I blocked access so that Lisa wouldn't see them. Did she do the same thing and make sure Lisa couldn't see them?
I can clearly see there is going to be a HUGE issue with the babies coming home, etc. because it seems like there are no boundaries. I am a little upset that all three of you came out into the babies area at the NICU knowing that only two people per bedside are allowed and yes I did hear mom get huffy when I mentioned something to the nurse because I didn't want any issues. I have heard them preach to each and every parent about the rules on visitors and I am sorry I am not going to be the one to bend or break them. Yes a few minutes was ok with the nurse because of the holiday but it still makes for issues with other parents and could have even gotten that nurse in trouble too.
I know that Mom wants to help when they come home, but she will not be here every single day. I even talked to her and explained that the first few days that Blake is home and when they are both home, we want that time for ourselves to adapt to the babies and to get them used to their new surroundings without over stimulating them. I do not want to see them back in the hospital because they couldn't handle the change. But even with this she has went on to say how she will be here everyday with me. That's not what I want, nor is it what I need. I appreciate her wanting to help out but I do not want to be smothered either. Just like we always have, we will call when we want or need help.
Neither one of us is comfortable with Mom taking care of the babies by herself, because of her pshycal condition. That's not just for the babies safety but her own. I know she would feel horrible if she dropped one of them or heaven forbid something were to happen and she would panic and not remember what to do. It's not comforting when we can see how much she is going down hill for lack of a better term. Not to mention the fact that they are going to come home on a variaty of medications and/or machines. It will be a lot for us to process even with dealing with it everyday, I can't imagine how it would be for you guys to have to be responsible for all of that without being prepared.
It is important for the babies to have a relationship with all of their close family, but again not at the babies expense. I have no problem having you guys over to visit and would never keep them from you, but everyday is a bit much. You both have always been there for us and been supportive, however sometimes that support comes off as being over bearing and controlling. And I wish desperatly that I didn't have to be the one to address all this but we all know DH never opens his mouth to say how he feels, instead I hear a raft of sh!t about it.
I hope that both of you can understand where we are coming from. Things are vastly different from when you had your kids, and even more so with them being preemies. Their needs are much more different then your average newborn.
Re: One last post about recent events with IL's (long)
I think we had a similar issue about 5 years ago
My MIL sent her pastor to the NICU to pray over the babies. Thing 1: She knew we didn't want random people in the NICU and I ended up having to ask someone to leave so he could come in since we could only have so many visitors at one time. I hadn't been able to shower, was still recovering, not feeling well and still in the hospital myself.
My MIL babysat for us so I could work and the boys were able to be at home. MIL started calling herself mommy to our boys. She would change them if she didn't like what I had dressed them in, told me her way was better than my way, etc. It came to a head around their 1st birthday when she called everyone up and changed the date of their party. Her response? I waited X amount of years to be a grandmother and you can't take my power away. We stopped talking to her for a bit and we ended up having to put the boys in daycare. After several months she called and changed her tune. It ended up I needed her help. My husband had to travel for work and I was pregnant again with severe HG.
You keep doing what you have to do momma to keep your babies healthy and happy, let the world roll.
wow. so sorry. it is terribly sad that during your nicu life, and your worry over your babies, the true selfish identities of people come out.
Found out what a loser bil is once LO was born, and released from the nicu...needless to say, lo is almost 11 months, bil saw him for the first time at 9 months, and then for a little on easter...oh and we live close, so there wasn't an excuse. If it was up to me, he will never be around him again.
I'm not on here a lot but I wanted to let you know you are not alone. We no longer speak to MIL because we have had many similar conversations. We were tired of her threats, her lies, and her selfish manipulation. We have also had several conflicts with FIL's family (divorced) over this as well.
It is hard - this should be one of the happiest times of your life. But FWIW I think you are doing the best thing by establishing boundaries and I am so happy for you that your DH stood up for you.