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Babies: 3 - 6 Months
Failing at the wifely duties
Anyone else feel like they are failing because they can't keep the house clean, stay on top of the laundry, get the grocery shopping done, and get meals on the table with a LO? I have been feeling like a bad wife. Staying at home 3 days a week, I SHOULD be able to get all this stuff done but I just can't seem to do it. DH has been really supportive and doesn't expect me to get it all done, but I do. Nothing stresses me out more than when my house is in shambles, and it's always in shambles these days. DH offered to hire a housekeeper if it will help me. And while it would help with the house, it wouldn't help my feeling inadequate as a wife and mother. Why can't I get everything done?!?? When will this get easier? Does it get easier??
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Re: Failing at the wifely duties
DH and I both work 40 hours a week, and somehow I still always get stuck with the dishes, laundry and food prep 99% of the time. When DH asks, "What's for dinner?" I usually say, "I don't know, what are we having?" lol.. lately it's been a lot of 5 minute meals (Freschetta pizza, breakfast for dinner, sandwiches, etc). As far as the rest of the housework, it usually ends up being put aside until the weekend. I really wish we could afford a maid, and it would be awesome if we had a grocery service in our area! I figure, perfection is too much to expect. So we just roll with the punches and do what we can WHEN we can.
totally know how you feel and im home 24/7. DH helps a ton with griffin and household chores though so i'm reeeally thankful for that. i just try to do one thing a day (ex. laundry today, vacuum tomorrow etc). i hate cooking so we usually just do easy, fast things we can bake or fry (terrible, i know). i dont know if it ever gets better but i think you settle into a new routine. i just accepted that im not super woman lol
if my DH offered to get a housekeeper i would totally agree! id also want a nanny and chef lol just kidding but take help when you need it or youll burn out fast.
i wish i could do that (wake up 3 hrs before LO) but griffin doesnt STTN and i totally value my sleep. im such a cranky monster if i dont sleep at all lol
I feel ya ! When I feel like I am slacking on my duties, ex: letting the dishes go etc. I remember what kind of parent I want to be. I know she won't remember how clean the house was, but all the fun times we had playing and going for walks. My DH stays home with her on wed while I work so he totally gets it. Sometimes you don't know where the time goes, and if you have an hour to yourself, you question
1.feed myself ?
2. Shower ?
3. Sleep ?
4. Try and do something Not baby related ? YEAH RIGHT
and..... Say Yes to the housekeeper at least get one on Friday, so you can get out of the house for a bit, and then enjoy the weekend. If you don't want one, please send them my way.
First off, take your DH up on that offer!
Make a list of things you would like the housekeeper to do and let them do it. Then you can focus on the day to day wipe down, making dinner and taking care of your LO. Its a HUGE job and I was never able to get it done if DH didnt do half of it. So if your DH isnt rolling up his sleeves, then let him pay someone else to.
My house is in slight disarray today but in general, I mange to get that and dinner done...just don't ask how bad I smell, how tired I am or how badly I need a hair brush or clean shirt.. I need to find some balance for my own sanity. I am a full time sahm and I feel like if I don't do all my "duties" then I'm not earning my keep. H doesn't expect me to do anything but care of Molly but I do. He wants me to give myself a break.
I get things done by setting a 15 mn timer when she naps, I pick one chore and do it. I do this about 4 times a day and then I spent 1 hr total cleaning.
I wish I knew when it would get easier.
This
And it does get worse..lol my toddler can ruin my clean house in less then 5 minutes. I do feel like I can keep up better this time then I did with ds. But it's still not spotless ever.
Mother, oh Mother,
come shake out your cloth,
empty the dustpan,
poison the moth,
hang out the washing
and butter the bread,
sew on a button and make up a bed.
Where is the mother whose house
is so shocking?
She's up in the nursery,
blissfully rocking.
Oh, I've grown shiftless as Little
Boy Blue (lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).
Dishes are waiting and bills are past due
(pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peekaboo).
The shopping's not done
and there's nothing for stew
and out in the yard there's a hullabaloo
but I'm playing Kanga and this is my Roo.
Look! Aren't her eyes the most wonderful hue?
(lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).
The cleaning and scrubbing
will wait till tomorrow,
for Children grow up,
as I've learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down, cobwebs.
Dust go to sleep.
I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep......
~Author Unknown ~
I hate cleaning. I hate cooking. I like being lazy.
Sadly, I also like living in a clean house and eating meals so I am occasionally forced to scrub the toilet and make some Easy Mac.
All kidding aside, my DH and I split everything straight down the middle. I work, he works, I'm not June Cleaver and this ain't 1957. He can fold his own dang laundry.
Also remember this: you have a baby. Said baby's happiness and well being take priority to trying to fulfill a Stepford stereotype. I understand that it's stressfull to have things in disaray when you are used to a well organized household, but cut yourself a little slack. Your life has changed monumentally. It's going to take some time to find your rhythm.
Hire the housekeeper.
I agree, spend time with your LO. I am a clean freak when it comes to my house but ever since bringing JJ home I just haven't been able to keep up. I also work out of the house FT which makes it even harder. I've learned to let things go and to worry about it later. I'd rather spend time with him then worrying about the house. Instead, I've made a cleaning schedule for myself. I usually get things done after he goes to bed. The daily tidying can get done, but all the dirty work gets done after he goes to bed or while he's napping on the weekends. It's worked out for me so far and I've learned to not stress so much.
That's how I feel too. I like the timer idea. It may help me balance "me" time with the household chores when LO goes down. I always either try to do everything at once or I feel like doing nothing because I'm exhausted and need some time to breathe.
I might need to do this... I usually get up when E gets up, but maybe I start getting my stuff done early instead. 3 hours though, holy crap! What time does Finn get up??? I'd be up at 4am every morning... I think maybe I'll just get up an hour before him
Oh, he does. I don't want to discredit him at all, he's been amazing. He's done all the laundry and the majority of the grocery shopping and cooking since LO came along. Which IMO is totally backwards. He works so hard all day every day, and he's the one that's been doing a lot of the housework to boot. I'm staying at home and I want to do it, and I feel I should. I had this idea in my head that it would be easy and I could take care of the house and him and the baby like a perfect wife. Like Baz said, I don't feel like I'm earning my keep.
LOL! Pretty much this.
I totally feel your pain.
I've been home with LO since she was born, and when I was home during pregnancy I was able to keep things spic and span all the time, so I got used to having a clean home. With only me to look after LO all day, cleaning up falls to the wayside. It's starting to drive me nuts. On top of this, I'm leaving to go back to school in two weeks which means DH and LO will be on their own. DH has no idea how to operate the interior of the house because he's always been in charge of the exterior's upkeep. I'm worried, haha. If I can't keep up with it all and I'm at home all day, how is DH going to keep up with it after a full time job?!
So no advice, sorry. But some camaraderie!