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Single Parents
Desperately Need Advice
So... Fiance and I recently split up, and while he stayed in our home, my 3 month old daughter and I moved back to my parents house. I have always been the primary caregiver because her dad never did anything while we did live together. (Never cleaned, never cooked, and never helped with the baby!(That's why I left)) BUT, he now wants to step up and be her father... He says that he deserves the right to have the baby stay overnights with him once during the week and every other weekend. I am not for it at all because 1. He doesn't know how to care for her like I do 2. Never did anything before, how can I trust he will take care of her 3. I'm afraid it is going to cause developmental issues for my baby. SHE IS ONLY 3 MONTHS!!! and 4. He is not helping support her financially!
We have not gone to court, but I am not sure on what to do. I really don't want my daughter sleeping anywhere else other than her crib with her mother... He keeps insisting that I be fair, but isn't it for the best interest of my daughter, not what he wants....? What am I supposed to do? Should I allow overnights with him? I am truly against it, but am I being unreasonable?
Please help!!! I need advice desperately!!!!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Desperately Need Advice
My ex-FI wanted 2 overnights per week. I was 100% against it mainly because I am BFing...not because I think he can take care of him. However, I just calmly reminded him that DS has a 1-2 hour "fussy" period every night where I need to pace back and forth with him to keep him from screaming. He quickly agreed to daytime visits only.
Long story short, remind him how it may inconvenience him and he'll probably back off. If he doesn't, you have every right to say no. Also, get a custody order soon stating when he is or isn't allowed to have the baby. Then there's no question about it!
ITA with everybody who said you need to establish legal custody and support orders...
If he wants to be an involved father, then allowing him to be one is what is in the best interest of your child. It might be too soon for overnights, but a few hours at a time he should be OK.
I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. She is only three months old. I don't know if you are breastfeeding or not but that would be another factor as to why she shouldn't be away from you. Him asking to have her overnight is not in her best interest at all.
So I'm finally on my computer so decided to follow up with my earlier response. For one, I'm a HUGE advocate for the dad having just as many rights as the mom.
1. Did you know how to care for her right after she was born? You had to learn it correct? So give him a chance to. If you don't let him see her then he won't get this chance.
2. He didn't take care of her before because he had you around to do it and he didn't have to worry about anything. You not being around will force him to.
3. Him having her will cause developmental issues? Really? That's perhaps one of the dumbest things I've ever heard.
4. Have you filed for CS? If not, then him not supporting her financially is partly your fault. But that has nothing to do with him spending time with her.
What reasoning do you have for him not to have her overnight? Are you breast feeding? If not, then there's really no reason for him not to have overnights. Yes, she's young. But he's her father. He has as much of a right to have her as you do.