Advise needed about court hearing...
My STBXH tried to take our DS on Sunday night. I was forced to stay elsewhere with him. I won't go into all the details of everything else that transpired that night, but because I wouldn't hand DS over to him on Tuesday (as per his demands) he called the police on me. They actually recommended that I file a temporary restraining order against him because they said what happened constitutes domestic violence. I did and now next week I have to go to court. They said to bring witnesses and evidence.
What is going to happen in court? I have a lawyer, but I'm still nervous. He didn't usually do this stuff in front of other people. He did this, but why do I still feel like I did something wrong? Anyone else go through something similar? How did it turn out for you?
Re: Advise needed about court hearing...
You'll probably have to present your evidence showing that he has or is likely to commit an act of domestic violence. Was a police report written for the incident you mentioned? If so, get a copy of that report. Do you have any other evidence or events that constitute domestic violence? I don't know the process in NJ, but each time I've gone to get my OOP against my XH I had to present my evidence and then the judge signed off on the order.
Are you trying to have your LO listed as protected on the restraining order? If so, be prepared to present really solid evidence that your STBXH has or is likely to commit acts of violence against LO. From my experience, judges are very hesistant to put kids on the restraining orders because so many false accusations fly during divorce/custody disputes (I've seen many women try and fail while waiting my turn for my OOP hearings). I was able to have my LO listed, but I had very solid evidence to support my claims (I had documented reports, not just me saying that XH was a threat).
On another note, do you have temporary orders yet or have you at least filed for temporary orders (regarding custody/visitation)? If not, I suggest you have your lawyer draw up emergency temporary orders and file them ASAP. Without some sort of court order in place regarding you LO either one of you could take off with LO and it would be perfectly legal.
DS is on the Temporary restraining order and my lawyer filed any and all paperwork this past wednesday. The domestic violence at this point was against myself and it was the police that were called to my house by my STBXH that suggested the TRO. I'm not looking to have him barred from DS life...it was more that he set events in motion that left me very little choice in how this was handled. I'm not looking to make the order permanent because I am now removed from the marital home.
On another note, I do have MANY events of verbal abuse and what would constitute domestic violence (not hitting or punching, but other things). Of course, many of those incidents were when we were not with other people. STBXH can be very charming around other people...get him alone and watch out.
This. Just please be sure to get custody taken care of asap. The victims advocates are super helpful too and they're free.