Mom hurt that I didn't invite her to ultrasound..
BeautyfromAshes
member
Ugh. Seriously, what would you do in this situation?
I have a high risk pregnancy so in the first twelve weeks they did an ultrasound at each appt. to check for the heartbeat. They were litereally two second vaginal ultrasounds, and honestly all you could see was a flicker of the heartbeat.
Well last week I had my NT scan and took my sister since my dh couldn't go. It was my first abdominal one and I even took video at my doc's office for my dh and mom etc. to see later.
Last night my mom asked if I would be getting any more, and I said just the 20 week anatomy scan unless something goes wrong. She later told me that she was very hurt that I hadn't invited her to any ultrasounds and now there was only one left and "You probably want your husband there instead of me." Um...YEAH NO KIDDING!!!
I love my mom but are you serious? No, I am not inviting you to my vaginal ultrasounds, or the anatomy scan which will be an incredibly special moment for me and dh to find out the sex of our last baby!!!
I was so mad, and still am. What would you say in that situation? Or am I overreacting?
Re: Mom hurt that I didn't invite her to ultrasound..
I think your mom is overreacting. It's not her business - she got to decide who came to ultrasounds when she was pregnant.
Anyway, it's too late now. She wasn't there, the end. And in my opinion, she shouldn't be at the next one. That's between you and your husband.
I would honestly tell her that I didn't want her there, and it was a personal thing. You took your sister only because your husband couldn't make it, and you were most comfortable with her being there. Personally, when I have my mom with me anywhere, I feel like a kid. And I wouldn't want that feeling when I'm trying to see my own baby.
DS #2 - 4/2/14
I think she was saying that her sister is her best friend, not that she brought 2 ppl. I think your mom is way over reacting. I totally understand where you are coming from. What I don't understand is why your mom thinks she should be there over DH? I'm not sure I would be "angry" at her but you have no reason to feel bad.
I completely agree.
She said her sister, a dr. and her best friend...so I read it as 2 people as well.
Nonono I meant that my sister IS my best friend, I did not bring my best friend AND my sister. Sorry if it sounded that way.
I also agree with this.
Okay, well that sounds a little better than if you had chosen a best friend over your mom.
With that said, I think you both are overreacting, but I still understand where your mom is coming from. All you can do is tell her you're sorry and you didn't mean to make her feel left out. I wouldn't drag it out into anything bigger.
It's totally what you want. Everyone is going to feel differently.
It was just my DH and me at the first one, and then talked to him about how he would feel if my mom came with BOTH of us to the 2nd one. I am the only daughter and my brother's wife won't invite my mom, so I wanted to. The DH was fine with it. We may ask my MIL to come to a later one (probably 20 week.) We want our family involved as much as possible. This is a HUGE deal for all of us.
It's just going to be the DH and me at the NT Scan, too....just for personal reasons.
Again---up to what you want. Just know that your mom is probably VERY excited too...she wants to be a part of it.
Sounds like she wanted to be included and was hurt that your sister was there and she wasn't. My mom didn't go to any of my appointments or u/s with DD or this one. Maybe consider taking her to one of the elective ultrasound places for a Mother's Day gift.
my read shelf:
My mom went with me to my first appt with this baby because my DH couldn't get off work. They ended up doing a quick u/s, vaginally, and she was there. She didn't see anything.
She had been in the delivery room when I had DD, too. She was great support.
You have a right to feel whatever you feel. None of us knows how your relationship with your mom is (and I am not in any way implying that it is not good). Maybe some people are closer to their mothers than you are and that would make them feel guilty for not inviting their mother to the US. That doesn't mean you have to feel the same way.
For me, my mom and I are pretty close but I would not feel bad about not inviting her to an US. And if she got upset, I would be upset that she was making it all about herself. Sorry, but it's not all about her. I know it is a special time for grandparents-to-be and my child will be my mother's first grandchild. But it is still not about her - it is about me, my DH, and our baby. My mom understands that completely and supports it (actually encourages it), but if she didn't, I wouldn't feel bad about it.