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2nd Trimester
panucci1314
member
Bridesmaid vent
panucci1314
member
I
have posted before about this topic and tomorrow being the bachlorette
party I am freaking out again. I know my hormones are going crazy due
to pregnancy but I am a very emotional person normally. I am in my BF
wedding and am 28 weeks pregnant, one of the other bridesmaid has been
trying to get pregnant for over a year and had one miscarriage(which she
would have been pregnant at the wedding) She has made really rude
comments to me, saying she hopes she can make it the wedding because my
belly disgust her. She has no clue has she is going to spend a whole
day with me and have to see my belly and hopes no one ask me about my
child because my pregnancy is gross and disgusting to her and makes her
sick to her stomach. I have been very nice and just was civil at the
shower, but she made a huge deal and in front of everyone because I
couldn't stand for 2 hours while my bf was opening gifts. All this was
done sober, now I know she is going to be drunk tomorrow and I just keep
thinking if she is this mean to me sober, how will she be drunk? I know
its all about my BF and that's the only reason I am going because my
mom n DH told me I shouldn't go because its hurts my feelings every
time.But I stay away from her and I don't ever make comments about being
pregnant infront of her, but I am big you can tell, people want to
touch my belly I can't help it and its not my fault.
Sorry so long!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Bridesmaid vent
It is your friends day so you must go, especially since you are a bridesmaid. If this other BM happens to start mouthing off to you or making rude coments, you should very politely pull her to the side so that no one else can hear and tell her that you would appreciate it if she thought about your mutual friend for a minute and how her comments may be affecting her big day. This day is not about either of you and she needs to remember that. Sympathize with her if need be about her not getting pregnant, but you don't need to apologize for the fact that you are. Offer your support, but she needs to lay off the comments.
I just don't understand how those women can be upset with other women who don't have trouble getting pregnant. She should be happy that others don't have to go through what she is since she knows how painful it is.
BFP #1 3/13/13, MMC 4/17/13, D&C 4/19/13
BFP #2 8/7/13, Beta at 4w6d = 3,796
It's really easy - feelings aren't rational. Once you understand that and understand that losing a child is all consuming, you get that you can't control your feelings. There's also a difference between getting pregnant and staying pregnant.
As for the OP, I agree with pulling her aside and refocusing her on the point of the day. She sounds like she's not dealing well with her loss and is taking it out on you. While that's not fair to you (or the bride), it's also likely not personally against you. She's just using you as an excuse to spread and express her pain. Try to ignore her comments as best you can and if she needs a "Come to Jesus" refocusing moment, give her one.
As someone who had a miscarriage, I can't imagine saying (or thinking) anything like that. SHe doesn't know if you struggled yourself to get pregnant. Please don't let someone ruin this special time for you. I really don't know how to handle someone like that.
Personally, I don't go to bachelorette parties (at least not the alcohol part of the night) while pregnant. It's not fun for me and/or the others that would have to deal. I mean think back to being in a bar and being the sober driver, it sucks. Now add all the pregnancy hormones and an obnoxious crowd of drunk people to the mix. I know I personally wouldn't want to deal with that right now. Luckily, all my friends who have been engaged this year are doing bachelorette parties out of town so I have a good excuse.
I don't see anything wrong with just going to the dinner portion of the night before it gets out of hand and that chick makes some more ignorant and mean comments to you. Anyone should understand, I mean you are 28 weeks pregnant. I can't be on my feet that long and I'm only 24 weeks.
Wow. Just wow.
With that said, OP, you don't have to take her behavior. It sounds like a defense mechanism to protect herself, but she doesn't have the right to belittle you. This is a touchy situation because I feel like I know why she is doing it, but that doesn't make it right. I would pull her aside and try to make peace with her. Tell her you understand why it hurts her to see you, but it isn't about you or her, and she needs to keep her comments to herself. If it doesn't stop, then call her out when she does it.
It's not your fault and having suffered a loss I know how hard it can be, but she's taking it a little overboard. She has personal issues that she needs to sort out. I understand you not wanting to be around her, but I wouldn't bail on my friend. And while two wrongs don't make a right, the next time she says something rude I'd call her on it. Tell her you're disgusted by her behavior when she says she's disgusted by her pregnancy. Let her know that you understand it may be difficult for her but your pregnancy is no more gross than hers would be and you don't appreciate or need her bullshyt.
I know some will disagree with this approach, but I have suffered a loss and at times it was super hard to be around other women with children and women who were pregnant, but I would never be so rude and honestly it seems hateful.
Yes, I remember your other post. Back then (before the shower), I thought it had only been the alcohol talking, that she was hurt but wouldn't actually act on it when sober, especially in respect to your mutual friend.
So she has taken it to the next level, huh? Sad. So sad. I cannot believe any person in the world would in their right ming really say stuff like that to a pregnant woman ("it should be me", "your belly is disgusting", etc.). That is clearly a special creature...
Anyway, I don't think you should suffer in silence. If you don't want to complain about her to your bf, then maybe you should consider not going yourself. It is definitely too much stress and it is not doing your bf any good either, so... but this is a reallly complicated situation anyway you look at it. You have a person who has decided to be difficult and cause awkwardness...
Good luck!
I totally disagree with you. And beleive me I have been through it trying to get and stay pregnant....I do not at all think its a stupid statement at all.
To OP...I would just tell her I am sorry for your loss but you need to stop attacking me. I dont think you need to take her aside...its fully ok to stand up for yourself.
br