Community› The Bump Message Boards› Parenting
Parenting
New Discussion
Options

Need advice on how to get R to leave...

AviatorJJAviatorJJ
in Parenting
We are having a major problem getting R (my 4 year old) to leave a place that he doesn't want to leave like the Children's museum, playdate, park. I will give him a choice "Do you want to leave now or in 5 minutes?" of course he picks 5 minutes and that's fine. Then I give him a warning...leaving in 2 minutes. But then when it's time to go he runs away from me, screams, hits, cries and I literally have to drag him out of a place. It is so embarassing!  Needless to say he is getting big and dragging him out is not easy. Got any advice? What do you do? What kind of punishment would you give him? This is pretty much the only time he flips out.


Rowen Alexander born 10 weeks early 1/28/07

www.4wquestions.blogspot.com
Report Reply to Post

Re: Need advice on how to get R to leave...

  • Options
    ZenyaZenya member
    The last time my 4 year old had a fit leaving somewhere I made a BFD out of it and the next time we left the house I told him if there was any drama when leaving, we would have to stay home from the park for a while until he could deal.  I don't know if that was the right approach but it did work.  
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
    Report Reply
  • Options
    veloelleveloelle member
    When I'm firm w/ DD and laying down rules, I will tell her the deal and make her repeat it. So in your instance, it'd go (sorry, it's hard to do breaks on my phone): Me: DD, when we go to the museum, I will give you a 5 minute warning we are leaving. When I tell you it's time to go, we are leaving. Can you tell me what I said? DD: when you say it's time to go, we have to leave. Me: that's right. Making her repeat it reinforces it and I think it gives her some ownership. And if she throws a fit, she sits in TO at the location. Immediate discipline.
    DD 7.28.06 * DS 3.29.10
    image

    Christmas 2011
    Report Reply
  • Loading the player...
  • Options
    AviatorJJAviatorJJ
    explain big fat deal pls? like you just talked about it or actually punished him?


    Rowen Alexander born 10 weeks early 1/28/07

    www.4wquestions.blogspot.com
    Report Reply
  • Options
    ZenyaZenya member

    imageAviatorJJ:
    explain big fat deal pls? like you just talked about it or actually punished him?

    Well, he really lost his head and even hit me.  So we drove home and I put him in his room.  DH went into him and lectured him.  Then I went in and lectured him ("having a huge fit leaving somewhere is unacceptable.  hitting me is absolutely unacceptable.  Here is how we leave a place.  Here are my expectations. Here is how you must behave if you want to be able to do fun things.  What do you think will happen if you lose your head like that when we have to leave again?  Yes - we won't be able to go back until you can figure out a new way to deal.   blah blah blah").

    And then like the PP before we left the next day I laid out EXACTLY how he'd have to behave when we were leaving complete with a Q&A session.  

    It all sounds so stupid writing it out but really I just made it a huge deal.  It was a huge deal b/c he hit me. 

    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
    Report Reply
  • Options
    AviatorJJAviatorJJ

    He hit me today too...man was I pissed! These are all really good suggestions. Keep um coming!  Thanks



    Rowen Alexander born 10 weeks early 1/28/07

    www.4wquestions.blogspot.com
    Report Reply
  • Options
    DandRAgainDandRAgain member

    Ditto Zenya....

    It would be a BIG deal if my kids ever hit me....BIG deal....HUGE.  There would be a lot of loss of priveledges, toys, and anything fun for a LONG time (long relative to their age, of course).

    I have a big pet peeve when I see a kid hit the parent, and because the kid is little, the hit wasn't hard, whatever, the parent sorta blows it off.  A hit is a hit.....it is unacceptable if the kid hits another kid, or if the kid hits a baby, so why do parents ignore it when kids hit htem??  (Not saying you did!!!  I've just seen this...my SIL lets it happen often to her and it drives me NUTS!!!)

    I would potentially cancel plans for somethign coming up either the same day or next day if there was something going on....

    And there would be HUGE lectures before we go again....no more options...I think maybe by giving him the one option, he thinks he can "beg" "cry" whatever to get another 5 minutes.  No more options of staying or going.  This is the time we are leaving, end of story.  And if there is crying and pouting that makes it hard for us to leave on time, then it will be an afternoon in the bedroom so mommy can catch up on things that need to get done.

     

     

     

    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"