- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
2nd Trimester
Epeter1
member
Its those kinda of comments....
Epeter1
member
..that i swear hurt the worse.
I know she doesn't mean it half the time...she has a tendency to speak before she thinks.
With my husband in VA for training, I'm staying at my parents house. I was cleaning up the living room and found my old piggy bank. I picked it up to find it was FULL of change. I didn't remember leaving it that full. I went to ask my mom why she took my bank instead of putting it in my room or something- she says " I've been filling it. Sorry- I thought you had left. Didnt know you'd be coming back" in one of the most spiteful manners ive heard.
She does this a lot since i moved back in. I had moved to GA with my husband some months ago before he got his new orders. Then i found out i was pregnant. I wanted to have the baby here...where my family and his family can see her and then follow him to his new location after the babys born- and my mother agreed. But since ive been home shes been making comments about the fact i HAD to move home.
Let me set this straight. I didnt HAVE to move home. I had friends i could have stayed with til he was done his training, then i could go to his new location with him. Her & my dad insist they want me here- to help with the baby and such- but then mom makes comments like this that make me feel so unwelcome.
My husband keeps telling me to just wait it out- to not listen to her, just ignore her. But its really hard when ur own mother doesnt want you here.
She made another comment yesterday about how i wasnt working. I had transfered my job to GA originally, only to get screwed out of it. When i found out i was pregnant, my DH & I decided it was best if i just not go back-seeing as we were moving so much, and no one wants to hire someone whose pregnant anyway. I buy -my own food and they wont take money for the water or electric but still she makes comments about how im not working.
I'm sorry this is so long. Its just very frustrating. And my DH just doesnt understand how badly this all hurts me. Waiting it out just makes it seem even more painful. I have enough stress with this pregnancy without worrying about her too.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Its those kinda of comments....
If your husband is at military training (and it sounds like he is,) then you should be receiving a housing allowance that would allow you to live on your own. My DH is at training right now and yet here I am, living in our house with our dog just fine. I didn't have to go home or live with friends because the military acknowledges that my DH and I are married.
Also, I believe you've posted before about difficulties with moving home during his training and myself and several others advised you to move out. I'll do the same again: move out, be independent, this isn't the only time your DH will be gone. He'll deploy, maybe for 6 months, maybe for 18. You need to have a system in place where you can handle his absences and keep a stable home life for you and your upcoming child. Good luck!
Aside from the move home/stay debate...everyone has an opinion.
I believe that you need to be an adult and explain to your mother that her comments hurt. Ask if she has had a change of heart since you moving in. A plan can seem fine until you're living it. I think your DH needs to be a little more understanding,but he's also training and probably has enough on his plate.
After your discussion with your mom you want to move. Why not find an apartment/condo to move into until you PCS? The only way I'd stay where I felt unwelcome is if DH's training was almost over, around 30ish days left. I'd would explain to your DH all the reasons your moving and then listen to his point of view. Good luck!
Sorry to hear about what you are going through. Do you think it would be helpful to talk to your mom about how some of her comments make you feel? It may be good if you could remind her why you both decided that it was a good idea for you to move back in. Ask her if she wants you to contribute to the household, financially or maybe by helping do laundry etc.
If you do talk to her, focus on what your feelings are. She may not intend her comments to be taken that way. Be mindful that hormones are involved so you may be reacting more negatively to some of her comments (i know that is happening with me, but i am not as far along as you are). Good luck clearing the air so that you can enjoy the rest of your pregnancy.
Sorry you have to deal with this right now. My mother and I learned a long time ago we get along so much better when we do not live in the same house. We have a wonderful relationship, we are just way too much alike. Right now DH is at OCS for 3 months and I am home with DS and the dog. A friend asked me the other day why I didn't just move in with my parents for 3 months and I just laughed. They live 30 minutes away right now and that is absolutely perfect.
Is there a way you move somewhere close, but in your own home? That way they can still be there to help with the baby, but you will have your own space. Hopefully y'all can work it out so you don't have any resentment toward your mother. GL!
I don't know your entire situation so I won't comment about living with them vs. not living with them.
I will say that I have a mom too and she makes comments about stuff all of the time. I understand how that can be hurtful!
Unless your parents put a gun to your head and forced you to stay with them you made this choice knowing the possible consequences that may come with moving back into mom and dad's. If you don't like it you can either ignore her, stand up to her, or move out. It sounds like AF knows what she's talking about. See what sort of housing allowance you can get and move out. You can get something temporary in the same town so your parents are still there to lend support but they won't be THERE.