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2nd Trimester
NBR- What age would you let your kid?...
My sister is turning 11, and instead of a birthday party this year, she asked for tickets to a Kesha concert. Now, I don't really listen to pop music, so I had to look up who the heck Kesha is (yes, I live under a rock). I watched a few videos on youtube, and googled some lyrics, and I'm pretty bothered that my 11 (!) year old sister is listening to her, and that my dad and stepmom are paying big bucks to see her live.
I may be in the minority... I don't know. I'm pretty strict about what DS watches/listens to, and plan to continue that while he is under my roof. A lot of it has to do with DH and I's morals and beliefs, but that aside, why would you want your daughter to look at someone like Kesha as a role model?? All of her songs seems to be about partying, getting drunk, etc. I totally remember dancing around my bedroom with my girlfriends, acting like Spice Girls... I'm sure she does the same with her friends. I mean, at that age, the music you listen to does influence you.
Am I overreacting... would you have no problem letting your 5th grader listen/see a singer like this? If yes, why? If not- what age would you okay it?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: NBR- What age would you let your kid?...
Married since 06/19/2004|Anna born 11/19/2006|Charles born 11/1/11
Double undergrad graduation May 2011| Me: Psychology, DH: Communication| A long journey!
<a href="http://s21.photobucket.com/albums/b268/gussiebutt/?action=view
If I didn't agree with the message/lyrics/dress/ect I'd never pay for it. DD would have to be older (16 maybe, or 17) and pay for it herself.
It depends on the artist, and who my daughter is at that age... so it's a tough one.
I find that I freak over things that my parents do with my little sisters (11 &13) things like Monster energy drinks
but I guess it depends on each parent and each child.
uuuhhh....11 at a Kesha concert?! I'm with you. NO! Her lyrics are a little too adult for that age group.
I'm with you....
I also don't like Lady GaGa or Katy Perry's lyrics either....hate that my 10 year old niece is so obsessed with them.
Maybe if you show the parents the lyrics they will see why you don't agree with it and follow along?
Eh.. as long as Mom or Dad are going with I dont see the big deal. I'm sure she has put no thought into what the lyrics mean. It's her birthday, it's just a concert...it's not like she's asking to go to Marilyn Manson.
Agree! I consider myself lenient and Kesha is pretty trashy. I can only imagine what her concerts are like.
Go Phils!!
Okay... glad to see I'm not the odd one out here. I do get what PP said about Spice Girls and their lyrics, but I feel the pop music that was big in the 90's was a little more innocent... and the kind that wasn't, was at least more of an innuendo.
My sister has recently moved away from listening to the Disney kids, and thinks they're "uncool". She listens to Kesha, Lady Gaga, Katy Perry, Rhianna. I don't really think that showing the lyrics to my parents would do anything, I just was kind of curious for myself. I may try and take some time out with my sister next time I see her, and talk with her about what she thinks these singers are cool, and what she thinks about the lyrics. Maybe if I open up the conversation with her about, she may continue it with my folks... Idk.
I'd have to agree with you! Completely inappropriate for an 11 y/o IMO.
My daughter is 12 and used to listen to that sorta stuff. She has since graduated to "emo/ scene" music. I really don't mind what she listens to. She is so much like I was with the experimenting with hair colour and clothes. She even has something pierced other then her ears. GASP! I allow her to experiment, be herself and make decisions for herself. My husband has taken her to a few concerts locally. I don't like music like Ke$ha and yes she is trashy, but my 7 year old who now likes her isn't going to go out and start partying like a rockstar because of it. She also likes Miley Cyrus who is becoming trashy as well. As long as my kids have positive role models at home, the music shouldn't matter too much.
*I'm now ducking my head in preparation for the yelling*
Agreed.
Of course I would not want Ke$ha to be my child's role model, but I wouldn't want any(well, at least most) pop star/musician/actor to be their role model. At 11 I didn't pay any attention to lyrics. Sometimes now I hear a song that I loved as a kid and think, wow, I'm glad I had no idea what they were talking about.
So I guess to answer the question, I wouldn't mind as long as one of the parents was going with and my child didn't try to dress up like Ke$ha to the concert. And trust me, that was hard to say because I can not stand her or her music.
That's the rest of what I wanted to say. My 7 year old doesn't listen to the lyrics nor would she know what a "bottle of Jack" means. She loves the beat and dances like a maniac. As for the music I used to listen to I have one example. George Michael I Want Your Sex. lol I had no clue what that mean but oh my did I love that song.
Out of curiosity, what does she have pierced?
Also, for me it's not so much the lyrics, but that I am sure a Kesha show would be too much for an 11 year old. Like I said earlier, that girl is dirty and trashy. If my child would want to save their money and buy tix, then fine, but I wouldn't contribute to it. I also would not expect them to be able to save $$ until they are teenager and I would be ok with them going at 16 or 17.
Go Phils!!
ITA. This is a tough issue, but I think no one learns to make decisions unless they are allowed to make their own decisions on their own personal matters. And musical taste, for instance, is a very personal thing.
Plus, everything that is forbidden instantly becomes more attractive to any teenager, if not to any child as well. Of course I wouldn't like to see my sweet little girl dance to a "b!tches wanna go down" kinda song, but I know that my not liking it will not make her like it less - in fact, it may work just the opposite way. The best thing you can do is trust the education you have given your child, respect their personal space and try to relax and wait for them to come around.
Besides, nowadays you have the internet and a whole revolution in the communications. You can't effectively shield your kids from that kind of thing unless you lock them up indefinitely. I'd be more worried about her physical safety at the concert (fire hazards, stampedes, weirdos, criminals etc.) than with the content of the performance - that content would be within her reach whether I liked it or not.
Welcometowonderland, you said it so well! "As long as my kids have positive role models at home, the music shouldn't matter too much." That is so true. I have seen so many people keep their children from art (yes, that is what it is even if we don't like it) fearing its supposed malevolent influence while at the same time setting really crappy examples at home (having horrible disrespectful exchanges with their spouses in front of the children, making racist/sexist remarks at dinner tables, bragging about cheating their taxes or being otherwise dishonest, being generally inconsiderate towards other people...), when their own behaviour is something that has much more impact on their kids and could actually be controlled by them very effectively. *Not saying that is the case with the OP, though - I don't know the OP - I'm just pointing out a common occurrence*
All the best!
I have such mixed feelings about this. To me, 11 is so young. But to 11 year olds it's so different. Nowadays it seems like they are growing up so much quicker. I mean, 9 year olds have facebooks and cell phones--iPhones!
I agree with what PP said about allowing your child to make their own decisions. I can not STAND Kesha but if it is what my child enjoys--then with my guidance I would allow it. I wouldn't let my child go to the concert by themselves--no doubt about that. And I wouldn't allow them to leave my house dressed similarly to Kesha. But a little glitter and washable hair color and fun is allowed.
They need to learn on their own and if they have your guidance along the way then they should be ok.
Well, I posted a picture of her taken about three weeks ago. She has her nose pierced which was a decision made by my husband and I. I know most of you won't and don't agree, but it doesn't impact who she is as a person. She helps around the house, does her homework, is loved by her teachers and principal and takes the time to play with her younger sisters. I got the lecture from my MIL and my mother about it being about appearances and blah, blah.... I was never allowed to do anything out of the ordinary so when I became of age I got pierced and tattooed. I want her to be free to make her own decisions and mistakes. That's how I believe people learn.
Sorry the picture is so big. lol
Hmm, this is an interesting issue. When I was 11, 12, 13, I was majorly into TLC, Usher, Alanis Morrisette, and Green Day. They all certainly have lyrics that would give parents pause, and I knew them all by heart. I understood much of the overtly sexual or drug-related content. But I didn't really care about what they were saying, and it certainly didn't influence my behavior. I don't think most intelligent children at 11+ decide to try sex and drugs because their favorite pop stars talk about it. They're influenced by their frends' behavior, and your behavior, FAR more than by what they listen to.
I wouldn't take my 11 year old to a Kesha concert, mostly because of all the other 11 year olds there whose parents let them dress like child prostitutes.
That being said, I wouldn't take my daughter to a Taylor Swift concert either. I think she has an equally horrifying message about female sexuality.
I don't see what the big deal would be. I mean, she wanted it, right? So many people pierce their babies ears before they are old enough to even understand what goes on... I don't care where it goes, I just care that it is the kid who wants it. It is her body, it should be her say. And she is the one who will care for it to avoid infections and such.
I'd draw the line at tatoos, though, but only because there is a serious risk that she'd grow and the ink would get distorted.
Great pic, BTW. She is very stylish.
Your mom sounds great! I'll definitely use that six months criteria.
Aww thanks. It will make her happy to hear that. She's had a tough few years.
If I asked my parents for something like a piercing or to go to a concert, I would have to pay for it myself. By the time I saved the money, I didn't feel like spending it all on that one thing. It wasn't worth it to me. I guess it taught me about hard work and maybe even the value of a dollar.
I did want tattoos and piercings, though (my nose), but there was no way my parents would sign for that and I think that is totally understandable. I got a tattoo at 18 and at 19 I got a tattoo and my nose pierced. I like that approach to it.
Go Phils!!
Hmm... I understand the thought that outlawing something makes it more attractive, but I do think that there needs to be boundries. I think there is a big difference between listening to songs on the radio, buying the cds, and actually going to the concert.
At 11, personally, I wouldn't let my child do any of the above. At that age, I would be pretty strict about what stations and artists he/she can listen to. Once they got to middle school and high school, I would probably be more lenient on listening to songs on the radio, etc., but I can honestly I wouldn't be buying cds (or downloads) that I didn't approve of, and would probably return any questionable cds that were given as gifts. When my child can buy their own music/clothes/tickets, I will be more than willing to discuss and negotiate certain things, but at the same time, they are living under my roof... and I'm sure there will always be certain music/clothes/movies/etc. that DH and I aren't comfortable with our child having.
As far as letting them experiment... I think it's healthy, to an extent, but I think it's equally as important to instill in your child that their appearance affects them. I don't judge someone for how they look, but the world does.
i don't think you're overreacting at all! i plan on being completely involved in all aspects of what my DD listens to, watches, and her friends. i also probably live under a rock, but songs about partying, drinking, sex, and drugs are literal to children, even though then may be metaphorical for adults. it doesn't mean you are controlling, it just means that there are better influences out there for children (ie, i listen to a lot of Jack Johnson, whom sings about love, sharing, etc.). i think that when they're at the age that they understand, and/or have enough life information to make good decisions on their own, then they can do what they'd like as far as influences go. (15 or 16?)
my dad took me to my first concert when i was 15. he drove my friends and i there, and waited in the car for us (he didn't want to go in). he made sure we made it there fine, made it home fine, and weren't there to drink. totally acceptable, and even at 15 i didn't think it was "lame".
another example: i have a 13yo hair client of mine that has some kick a$$ parents that take her to every concert she wants to go to. they buy tickets for themselves too, and they all have a good time. she told me a story about the first time she smelled some funny smoke in the crowd, and because her parents were there to be honest with her and explain it, she didn't feel the need (now) to try it.
i guess, what i'm rambling on about, is that it's alright if your kid wants to go to a concert at a younger age, but make sure to be there to steer them correctly through the crowd so they don't get caught up in the lyrics.
My parents thought I was an angel, and I broke every single rule. I just did it behind there backs and lied to them shamelessly. There are songs I used to listen to in the 90's (that were not so innocent) that now make me cringe.
All the people I knew with accepting parents grew up to be well adjusted and got all the crazy stupid things out of their systems before college.
Unfortunately, all the kids that grew up with strict parents either lied to them, or went a little too crazy in college and got into trouble.
I do think 11 is too young for a concert, any concert, because of hearing damage. I would suggest that they make sure she wears ear-plugs.
One last point to make.... I understand that the world does judge and it truly does suck. My 12 year old daughter has been an object of bullying for years due to her weight issues. She's not obese, but she is overweight for her age and has been since she was 2. We have had her tested for thyroid issues, diabetes..... etc with no real answers. We eat healthy she swims, rides bikes and walks everywhere. Anyways, it got to the point where she was talking about how things would be better if she were dead, began cutting herelf and put a knife to wrist crying saying she wanted it to end. She tried to be what the other girls were. Listen to their music, wear what they wore. I had to instill in her (and her counsellor agreed) to screw what people thought and be herself. She's a self proclaimed "emo/scene" kid now. She has her nose pierced, listens to what she wants and dresses in what she likes. She is finally at a point where she is happy and becoming well adjusted. She is at a new school, is popular and is loved by her teachers despite what she looks like. They even tell her they love her hair when it's a new colour.
So while I do agree to a certain point that people are judged on how they look, the things that were concidered weird and unacceptable then, are becoming more common and acceptable now. I feel like teaching my kids that they can't look a certain way because they will be judged based upon that only continues to teach them to judge others. I also truly hope that no one has to see the pain in their child that I saw in Hanna because she wasn't like everyone else.
I think that she looks great! I have no issues with allowing kids to experiment with their apperance. Its not hurting her, she is safe, loved, and well cared for. She is just figuring out who she is. My parents are VERY morally conservative and they let my experiment with my appearance (with some rules about modesty) but hair dye and earrings and piercings were totally game. I did it all. The funny thing is that now I am just a plain jane. I never got a tattoo. I dont even want to wear earrings anymore. I would support your parenting choice 100% about the appearance thing.
To the poster: I would not do the concert bc I would not encourage her love for the singer by taking her to the concert. I try to downplay. I try to find better role models for my son than these stupid actors/singers. Maybe you can take her to the movie soal surfer (which is so inspiring) and talk to her about the difference between a role model like the surfer in the movie vs. the singer Keisha.
Again, ITA. The world will always judge. Even if you look "right", it is impossible to always be "right". There will always be someone to think that the words you use, the way you look, your personal tastes in art, or in men, or in women, your sexual orientation, your sex drive, the amount of money you make... are "wrong". There is no pleasing the world and setting your kids to think that if their noses aren't pierced they will have an easier time in the world is, well, setting them up for disappointment, IMO. And for hating that girl who has her nose pierced and still has an easier time in life than they do. It gets them thinking that all they have to do to be accepted is look a certain way and that is so not true. And then, when they realise that they have to go further, they will try to kill whatever is "wrong" within them to conform. Because they think that is what it will take for them to be happy - being accepted. And they will hurt and hate themselves and that has to be a mother's worst nightmare. Do I speak from personal experience? I only wish I didn't.
I am bissexual. I've never been hiding out in a closet, but there were times when I did wish I were... "right". So much so that I ended up having a hard time accepting myself for who I am. And I am sorry, but, for the judgey people, no amount of "right" clothes and make up will cover up the fact that I like girls and boys. They will just say that I am a fashionable dy!ke.
Welcometowonderland, reading what you wrote brought tears to my eyes. I am glad Hannah pulled through and I am absolutelly certain that your support and acceptance were fundamental for her to feel better about herself. And I am sure she is very special. No one that sensitive and strong just fades into the background and unfortunately, the price to pay for being that extraordinary is, on occasion, feeling outcast and lonely and wondering what's it all for. But what doesn't kill you does indeed make you stronger and if she hangs in there, she will find that she is one of those rare people who can change a little bit of the world. How? By breaking those very barriers she so struggled against, she shows the world that it can be done. That it can be different. That just because that is the way things are, it doesn't mean that is the way things should be. And as hard as it is to see her bang her head against that glass wall time and time again, I am quite sure it beats the hell out of being the mother of a drab, conforming, saltless little girl with no personality.
I hope you are proud of your Hannah. Hell, I know I am and I didn't make her!
What you wrote also made me tear up. I am so proud of Hanna. She amazes me every single day with her strength.