Did you have or need help with second LO after childbirth?

I will apologize for the length of this in advance... 

BG: I have an 8yo DD, and my DS will be 1 and a few weeks when this LO arrives. 

My DH & I are on different pages when it comes to whether or not we will need help from family when this LO arrives. He plans to take a week off, but says we "will need help and should plan for a month of help if we can".  My mom & stepmom both live 2 hrs from us (mom's schedule is out a month in advance which will make planning difficult, and stepmom is retired), and MIL lives 12 hrs away (and works at a school so a visit, other than a weekend stay, may not be an option).  My DH does not work weekends so I would think that time should be just for our family to get used to the new routine.

I have voiced my concern that I don't want to deal with ppl in our home after childbirth.  When I had my DD I lived with my mom and, therefore, my "say" was alot less than now when I own my home.  Delivery and recovery with my DS was easy, breastfeeding was a different story. I've told my DH if I do decide to have help that there are a few rules:

1. Help means cooking, cleaning, laundry, errands, caring for DD & DS - not holding the baby while I look after the house & older children.  This is not a vacation.

2. No one is to be upset with me should I become emotional during their stay.

3. My mother would, preferrably, visit first - you all know how the postpartum days/weeks can be, I don't think I need to go into details.

4. If anyone cannot abide by those rules they need not come, and should they decide mid-visit that they cannot abide they will be asked to leave.

 My DH agreed to all of the boundaries I layed out, however he knows how high maintenance his mother is which is why I really do not see this working out well. She is the reason he chose to move 4 states away for employment.  Each time she visits the two of them have at least one argument which leads to that fact being brought up (not my idea of a peaceful recovery). Since she does not get to see the GC much she will try to take over (she visited when DS was 3 wks old and took over bath time the 2nd night she was here; at the Thanksgiving visit I was hounded about sending her pictures to which I stood up for myself, needless to say she was appalled).

My mother smokes and while she does so outside it is of no help to me if she needs to get her fix in while the older ones need her, let alone the third-hand smoke issue.  My stepmom seems to be the only one I would be most comfortable with - she is not a boundary stomper, baby hog, and she goes with the flow .

The help would be staying with us also, we have recently finished our basement so we would have room to accomodate them without uprooting someone from a bed and would still have the living room on the main floor as well.  I would think with the distance that they would stay for at least 5-8 days each, perhaps the thing to do is limit to 3 days each week? 

I suppose I am looking for other's experiences as to the lesser of two evils - do my best to deal with the children on my own or deal with people in my home who will work on my nerves?  I'd rather get opinions before I bring the topic up with the "helpers", then decide I'd rather they not come after all.  This is our last baby and I do not want the experience ruined by others if I can help it.

Thanks if you're still reading and for any advice you have for me!!