How are you compromising with DH?

weddingbells2010 · April 2011

My husband and I are NOT on the same page with our name preferences... I don't even think we're in the same "book". I like classic girl names, like Charlotte and Grace, and very Irish names for boys (Aidan, Liam, Connor). My husband's name is Christopher (Chris) and he's apparently emotionally scarred from years of having to go by his full name in school because of multiple Chris's in his classes. He wants a unique name that will not be confused with another "John or Jane". I'm down for creative, but the ones he comes up with don't even make sense as real names and are just weird.

How are you ladies getting along with this compromise with your spouses? Any similiar issues?

StefaniePace · April 2011

My H and i never agreed on a boys name.. and to make mattes worse he never even came up with any! He just hated mine. Ugh

Thank god we are having a girl!

DarrenAndMelissa · April 2011

I'm in the same boat. My husband will not let the name Malin (pronounced may-lin) go! I would love to name DD #2 something like Charlotte or Catherine (DD#1 is Caroline), but hubby doesn't like them. But I'm getting pretty used to Malin so that name may stick afterall.

Michellie7 · April 2011

I posted about this earlier... but my hubby is insistent on naming this boy Wayne after his father. I reeeeally don't care for it as a FN, so I just keep searching for names and suggest them to him, with Wayne as the MN. I'm hopeful that one of these days I'll find the perfect one that he actually likes.

MommySteph2009 · April 2011

I compromised with DS, and I feel like I'll be compromising again with DS # 2. My DH has nixed all my choices both times, the first name must be Irish in his eyes, hard for me to come up with one I like that is not overdone.

braveangel2 · April 2011

We're compromising on the choices - we both have input, but he gets the final vote on the middle name when she's born. It's fun for us...sort of a Christmas morning moment. Yours sounds less fun, and I don't envy you. I would live by the Social Security name site in your case - you can find less-used names there (think past the 500s out of the top 1000), but find something classic. Less common doesn't have to mean alien. For instance, the name, Linus is familiar to many people, but it doesn't chart in the top 1000. You should also look what's popular now vs. what was popular in his time. Granted, Christopher is a pretty popular name all around, but you're basically trying to predict what your peers will like. Hanging out on forums like one is a good way to tell what's being talked about and used. Or heck, go check out the month board for the current month and watch the birth announcements.

https://www.ssa.gov/oact/babynames/

Keri Marie · April 2011

I had 4 names on my list (3 girl, 1 boy) -DH liked one of my girl names and agreed to boy name as mn

DH had 4 names on his list (2 boys, 2 Girls) -I hated his girl names and lovedboth boy names

We are lucky to have started off with personal lists.

forensicmama · April 2011

Maybe you could use some website like the SSA website to find a classic name that is not among the most popular. Anything below maybe 50, the chances of there being two kids with that name are slim. My DD is Anna. Her name was 23 for her year and I've never come across another Anna.

Here are some examples from 2009... classic, but not popular. (Below the top 500)

996 - Gretchen

988 - Hugh

940 - Joyce

945 - Howard

926 - Ann

931 - Fletcher

917 - Eloise

922 - Clinton

846 - Edith

824 - Winston

814 - Deborah

781 - Irvin

772 - Kiersten

769 - Judith (Love the nn Judy)

763 - Susan

757 - Corinne

708 - Clark

692 - Greta

686 - Heath

662 - June

652 - Sullivan

626 - Irene

Irena - it isn't even on the top 1000... I love this name.

598 - Reginald

617 - Virginia (This is a family name in my hubby's family. There's a Ginny and a Ginger. I love it.)

609 - Atticus

603 - Giana

582 - Eve

575 - Helena

573 - Ada

567 - Adelaide

570 - Lucille

543 - Sylvia

549 - Gideon

553 - Asa

516 - Sandra

527 - Joy

530 - Franklin

536 - Frederick

505 - Wendy

504 - Moses

509 - Dorian

checkrdtop · April 2011

My BF has rejected practically all of the names I like. I think our situation is reverse in that I like overly creative names and he likes regular names. We are compromising in that we will discuss all the reasons we do not like a name and just focus on finding names we both agree on. While it was hard for me to give up just about all my names that I'd been planning on using for YEARS, he has to do the same.

Clerk9 · April 2011

DH & I were pretty far apart with most of our girl names, & we each had a different favorite. Even though there was a name I already loved, I kept on looking & tossing out ideas to DH. Eventually, we came up with a "compromise" name (which seems to be the frontrunner) & DH let go of his favorite. So now it's down to two: the compromise, & my favorite. (But I think the compromise will win.)

My recommendation: don't give up. Keep on looking & encourage your DH to do the same. And try to let go of the idea of having to absolutely be 100% in LOVE with a name...it makes it much easier if you realize that there are many more names out there that you'll like enough & can live with. Once it's attached to your LO, I'm sure you'll wind up loving it anyway.

GL!!!

welcometowonderland · April 2011

I'm not even sure how to go about compromising with my husband. For starters, he likes very plain names ie: Thomas, Hank (ewww), Gary (his fathers name) and second he is really insistant on naming the baby whether boy or girl after his parents. I have posted this before, but his parents are horrible people and treat me like dog crap. I have tried to tell him I refuse to name my child after one of them s a result, but he insists on honouring them in that way. UGH... I prefer names that are a bit unusal, but not crazy.

jencastorri · April 2011

With our two girls, I picked the FN and MN and DH could have cared less and that was fine by me. This time around, I wanted his input....that has been the biggest issue so far. Im a granola muncher and he's all athlete. We werent in the same book for a long time. I would name a little girl Sunshine in a heart beat....he would never dream of it! Its good because he balances out my weird choices. About a week ago he told me he wants our boy's MN to be Alexander because its his and his fathers MN....Up until then, the baby's MN was going to be Cypress (my choice clearly) So now baby #3 will be Cypress Alexander. It took a long time to choose a boy name for us, but I did end up choosing the girl name again. He loves it though. Lula Magnolia.....at least its not rainbow sunshine!

ames71 · April 2011

You two sound similar to my DH and me. I prefer slightly off-beat, but fairly classic names (think old man/lady names), he likes something legit, but not common. I loved Max, but he needed something with a bit more spice. So our compromise was Maddox with the nn of Max. Works perfect for us. Smile

JennV514 · April 2011

We're each taking our 2 favorite names to the hospital, to see which of the 4 he looks like before naming him.

Allie30 · April 2011

Anyone else vastly curious as to what names this husband has come up with that "don't even make sense as real names and are just weird."

My husband and I made a list of our top five. We each had veto power, which helped immensely when it came to, me, say, not putting on the list things I knew he'd never go for (sigh, Beatrix). We went with our mutual second choice.

Also, introduce him to the SSA list -- names that were ridiculously popular when he was growing up are not really up there anymore, while names he never heard (Ava, etc) are commonplace.

honkytonk_kid · April 2011

Allie30:
Anyone else vastly curious as to what names this husband has come up with that "don't even make sense as real names and are just weird."
My husband and I made a list of our top five. We each had veto power, which helped immensely when it came to, me, say, not putting on the list things I knew he'd never go for (sigh, Beatrix). We went with our mutual second choice.
Also, introduce him to the SSA list -- names that were ridiculously popular when he was growing up are not really up there anymore, while names he never heard (Ava, etc) are commonplace.

Yes!

OP, what are the names? Post what you like and what he likes, maybe we can help you find a compromise!

brideandbreve · April 2011

My DH and I are generally on the same page. We both like classic names that are familiar to most but not trendy.

The only issue we've had was over unique spelling. We both agreed early on in our relationship that if we had a daughter, we'd name her Erin. It was a verbal agreement so I had no idea he was planning on spelling it "Aeryn." (My husband liked the spelling which is from a sci-fi series.) I tried to be kind and see if I could live with it, but once I actually got pregnant we agreed to spell it "Erin."

I mean, he doesn't throw around a lot of names, but I do and he's vetoed a couple of them. We have our 2 boy names picked out and we just settled on our 2nd girl name, so I think we're pretty good at the compromising.

Jenny952 · April 2011

DH is dead set on 1 boy name and he won't even consider others. I don't hate the name he likes, but I'd like to at least talk about others. I'll probably give in ONLY if I can choose the middle name and all of our kids' names afterwards. There has to be a unique name out there that your H will like but that will still be "normal" enough for you.

And I can kind of appreciate what your H says about his name. I'm Jennifer and don't like that there are many variations of what I could call myself - Jennifer, Jenny, Jen - and lean more towards names that don't have nicknames. I like names like Finn, Sean, Jude. GL!

ubermoose · April 2011

I think you both need to focus a bit on where the other is coming from, because you both have very legitimate points. He doesn't want your child to have to share a name with several classmates thoughout his or her school days, because sometimes a name does feel less special when it's overly common. You want a name that feels classic and established.

For starters, I think it's fair for him to make the concession that the kid needs a real name. Sure, it's not cool to feel lost in a sea of Christophers. It's also not cool, though, to always have to tack on explanations (for spelling, parents' oddball taste, etc.) with every introduction.

Then, you can concede to avoid the most common/fastest rising names. Check out the SSA list, and agree to stay out of the top 50/100/whatever names.

mpstochlinski8 · April 2011

Im right there with you! I like some different names but DH must of gotten the idea we're having super heros for babies. He wants names like, Thor and Vladmir to name a couple. I like Oliver, or Levi for a boy. Girls forget it, we are so far off its not even funny. We both can't stand the others name ideas! We'll be finding out what we're having hopefully at 18wks then its time to get serious with the name stuff. I dont know how we're gonna do this but my fingers are crossed we can agree on 2 names at the least! I told DH in a joking but kinda serious way...Im the one carrying them and pushing them out so I feel I get a 70% say in names, lol He didnt go for that theory

good luck

weddingbells2010 · April 2011

oh my goodness! Sorry for the delayed response, but it took me awhile to read all of your comments Thanks for the feedback... especially all of the suggested names!

My husband likes girls names like Paisley, Brycelynn, Ansley and Maddelyn, and for boys, Ryland and Maslin. Hopefully I haven't offended anyone who plans to name their little peanut by these names, but they are just not for me! I can't picture my child by these names.

My favorites for a girl are Avery, Addison, Charlotte or Grace. For boys, Owen, Aidan or Liam.

lansingteacherbride · April 2011

JennV514:
We're each taking our 2 favorite names to the hospital, to see which of the 4 he looks like before naming him.

I LOVE THIS IDEA!

As the original poster said my DH and I aren't in the same book never mind the same page as to what to name little one. I must say I'm glad to here I'm not alone. I like classic names for our baby girl Caroline, Catherine or Sophia. He had names like Zephrina, Zola and Parker (not a fan of gender neutral names). He does have a couple names that I'm okay with like Adele and Ingrid.

I have very definite ideas about names. My sisters all had very Ukrainian names growing up. This might have been fine in Western Canada where there are alot more Ukrainians than our smaller town. My name is a name that has a Ukrainian and English variant. So in school/work I am known by English name and at home by my Ukrainian name. I know how they got teased and how it was a pain having to teach everyone their name.

The thing is DH can be very stubborn. At this point he is basically refusing to talk about names in a serious way.

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