Confused as ever with potential situation
Hello everyone!!
I am having a bit of a dilema regarding a situation we have been "presented". The BM has had drug issues in the past but has been clean for about a year. She is currently taking low doses of hydrocodone for dental pain but will get off of that as soon as dental issues are resolved. The thing is she has been thinking that it may not be as easy as she initially thought it would be to stay off the drugs. So, she is considering going through methadone treatment. This way she can be monitored and not worry about slipping up. She is about 4 months pregnant so it's going to be quite a wait for us. My husband is ready to move forward but I am more hesitant. I'm not sure what the side effects are from methadone but from what I have read there will be some level of withdraws (depending on how the baby's body handles it) and potential beavioral issues in the future. Every once in awhile I read a story about how children have thrived without any repercussions even if they spent a couple of weeks in detox. I like everything about this case but the methadone (and the wait. But I was willing to wait before the methadone came into play). I just hate to pass up this situation but I hate to accept it and realize too late that we jumped into more than we could handle. ANY insight will be great.
I am at the point that if I hear one person say, "Why don't you just adopt" I may totally freak out. Adoption is not that easy. It's expensive and heart wrenching. Sorry to go on like this but I just don't know where to turn. I am waiting on a call from OTIS to get more information.
Re: Confused as ever with potential situation
I haven't researched methadone, but for my work I often have to talk with our local methadone clinic. Several of my patients are on it. I think calling a methadone clinic and discussing what they tell pregnant women might be helpful too.
In our recent situation, we were already matched before she got comfortable and disclosed that she did drink a few beers in early pregnancy and also once on a holiday after she knew she was pregnant. We had to pray about the situation, but we do believe her and one of the things that several people advised us was that we knew what she had done and that in some situations, we might not have any idea what a birthmom might have done. Just something that we considered. I agree that adoption is definitely a scary and emotional road. I know it'll be worth though!
Do research on methadone and other drugs, and determine what you are comfortable with for exposure. Talking with pediatricians may be helpful too.
Not to scare you.... but we have a close friend that is an ER doc. When we talked to him about a potential situation with a birth mom who was taking oxy for dental issues, he said that dental issues are huge red flags in the ER. His experience is that opiates are easier to get in the dental community and "regular drug users" will tap into this arena to get opiates. He told us that from his experience that someone using oxy for dental pain had a very high probability of also using meth.
Just his opinion through his experience... I am sure others will have their own experiences to share.
All of that said, though, you may be comfortable with the risks... and that's perfectly fine. I think the hardest part is determining what your personal threshold is with these drugs.
Best to you....
There is a show "I'm pregnant and..." The one I saw was a woman who was pg and on Methadone. Her baby was born small and spent about 4 months in the NICU even though he was full term. It looked like a horrible withdrawl for him. It broke my heart. Crying non-stop, in pain etc. I spent 8 weeks with my son in the NICU and there is no way I could do 4 months of that hell.
I used to work at a rehab and from my experience you only go on Methadone to wean yourself off something really strong like heroine. The whole dental thing on pain meds sounds fishy to me. How bad is her dental problem that she has enough meds to get addicted to them to need to go on Methadone?
Rowen Alexander born 10 weeks early 1/28/07
www.4wquestions.blogspot.com
In our research we were also told you go on methadone to wean yourself off of another drug. I never came across any information that said people use it as a preventative if they're not currently addicted to something. Not to say that couldn't be the case though...
If it is a possibility to use it in that manner, I would imagine her dose would need to be fairly low since she isn't currently abusing anything (if her story about the oxy and dental pain is true) vs. someone coming off of something where they would need a higher dose. They also step them down, so she'll gradually get smaller and smaller doses with the hopes that by delivery she will be on a very low dose and the baby will go through minimal withdrawals.
I would advise you to speak with the a methadone clinic and some addiction specialists and maybe a NICU doc who can give you some guidance. We were open to considering methadone on a case-by-case basis.
Our son's BM was on a high dosage of methadone for an oxy addiction from a car accident. Unfortunately, pain clinics are very popular in FL and oxy is extremely addictive. C did experience w/d. We spent 5 days in the hospital before convincing the doc to discharge us to our pediatrician. Our pedi set up a w/d treatment program for him when his w/d became more severe (intense screaming, muscle tremors, etc).
Several of the baby's in the hospital were in w/d. One little girl wailed non-stop from the moment she was brought in. It was really quite heart breaking.
In our situation, we were comfortable with the situation because C was already born when we were matched. He scored well on his apgar's. We were aware that w/d symptoms typically occur 5-10 days after birth, but we were still comfortable with it. Honestly, I think we would have passed on the situation if we had been presented with it prior to birth.
And ditto the pp that methadone is typically used to treat an addiction, not as preventative. Our SW told us of horrible stories where the BM used methadone as an additional drug (and kept on using the underlying drugs).
GL. I know what a difficult decision it can be.
So, here's my update on the situation. In a way it kind of took care of itself but it was difficult none-the-less (sp?). Anyway, I was really struggling about whether or not to proceed with this situation. I have spent the last two days learning more about methadone and pregnancy than I ever thought I would! So, our caseworker met with the BM yesterday and I called her this morning. The BM has not started the methadone treatment and is trying to find an alternative to methadone. Either way, I had decided not to proceed with the sitation if it involves a methadone treatment. I just don't want to go through the detox phase. I have waited so long to have a baby and I just can't bear to spend that kind of time away from him or her and watch them go through detox. There is more to it than that but that's just one factor. Anyway, on to the "how it worked itself out" part. The CW told the BM about two families taht were interested in (us and another couple) her. In the end she chose the other couple. From what I understand it was a tough decision for her but there was just one thing that she liked better about the other family, which is fine. So, that just confirms that this one wasn't meant for us. It definitely made it easier to walk away from the situation knowing that she didn't pick us.
I have the hardest time letting go of these situations. I am just too close to be able to see clearly sometimes. Also, it is so hard to finally let go and I just go through this grieving process when I do. It really tears me up to come to the conclusion that it just isn't the right one. Does anyone else feel the same?
Anyway, thank you to everyone for all of your replies and experiences. It truly helped.