Coming to terms with losing dreams of natural birth
jcsumm0
member
I've always known I wanted a natural childbirth. While pregnant, I've taken Bradley classes, read tons of books, done my Bradley exercises, and was feeling so, so excited and empowered by my birth plans.
However. My baby has been measuring small since my 20 week ultrasound and we have found out in the last few weeks that my fluid is low and the baby's abdomen measurements indicate IUGR. I'm on bedrest and having weekly BPPs, and if the baby doesn't pass them, we will discuss delivering early. If we make it to 37 weeks, they will induce me at that point, because there is more risk to the baby in than out. So I'm looking at a best case senario of a successful epi-free induction at 37 weeks, but IUGR babies often have a hard time tolerating labor so I have a higher risk of a c-section.
Obviously, my biggest worry at this point is getting the baby here safely, but I'm also so sad that my birth is going to be so different than what I hoped, and I'm worried about how that will effect me, future babies, and breastfeeding this baby.
I don't know if I really have a question for you ladies, I just had to get this off my chest. I'd love to hear any words of wisdom from you.
Re: Coming to terms with losing dreams of natural birth
I think what you have to remember is that the end result is the same...regardless of the process--the result is a sweet baby to love.
VBAC's are becoming much more common now and I wouldn't worry about that bridge until you come to it.
I will certainly be keeping you and your little one in my thoughts and prayers.
Thanks for this source, and thanks to all the posters for the support. It really means a lot to me, and I'd love to hear from others.
I hope that baby continues to do well and you do get the most natural birth that you can.
That said, I had a c/s with #1 and I think it would have helped me to discuss c/s more with my provider - how they were handled, if there was any way that I could see and hold my baby before we were separated, how your diagnosis will play into that, etc. We did have some problems bfing (we were separated for awhile) but with the help of a LC we got back on track we had a fabulous nursing relationship, so even if you do end up with a c/s, it doesn't mean that you'll have long term (or possibly any) difficulties there.
I'm not saying you'll definitely have a c/s, but if you do, discussing it more ahead of time and knowing what options you have may make a lot of difference to your experience. And don't feel bad being sad over the change in your plans - it's to be expected, even if the ultimate goal is the healthy baby.
Also - I had my natural VBAC this past February, so remember - just because you may not get your ideal birth this time around doesn't mean that you never will. Good luck!!!
I just wanted to say hi and that I'm in kind of the same boat.
I had planned on delivering at a great hospital with huge labor tubs, same labor-delivery-recovery rooms, with a midwife I loved.
Now I'll be delivering at a hospital with a crazy high c-section rate, with no labor tubs, less nice rooms, a high-risk OB, and a crowd of other doctors in the room due to a prenatally diagnosed heart condition. Instead of holding my baby and breastfeeding him when he's born he'll be whisked away.
It's a lot to handle sometimes, but I know that having a healthy (or eventually healthy since he'll be getting great care) baby is the best thing. So I've felt comforted reading the responses to this thread.
Hang in there! Hugs.
Hang in there yourself! If I have to deliver before 36 or 37 weeks, I'll also have to deliver at another hospital far from home.
I hope your little boy does great and you are able to have a positive birth experience, even if it isn't the one you planned for. All the best to you.
Thanks for your input. I have seen The Business of Being Born. I am seeing a very well qualified high risk specialist. I had many of the same concerns you expressed, but after talking to the doctor, I know he is doing the right thing for the baby. The issue is that the symptoms I have (low fluid and baby's abdomen to head ratio being off) show that there is a "supply line problem." So even though my cord and placenta currently look fine, baby is not getting what he/she needs, and this increases the risk of fetal death in utero (ugh, I hate even typing that). So depending on how things look at each appointment, they make a "better out than in" decision and when the time comes they'll decide if baby can tolerate an induction or if we'll have to go to a c-section. I hope that makes sense.
Matthew Kevin
7/31/83-7/20/11
Met 1/8/00
Engaged 4/21/06
Married 9/29/07
Two beautiful legacies: Noah Matthew (2 yrs) and Chloe Marcella (8 mos)
Day Three
It is always hard when life doesn't want to fall in line with our plans, isn't it? I am sorry things aren't going the way you wanted. ((hugs))
Nothing we say is going to take away the loss of your dream birth. But please do remember that the goal of the "natural birth" movement is to eliminate unnecessary interventions. Most of the time, everything goes lovely, but it wasn't too long ago that childbirth was unquestionably very very dangerous for mother or baby. In all too much of the world, it still is. Interventions that inhibit the natural flow of labor are a huge problem. Interventions that preserve the life and health of mother and baby are a gift.
How your birth feels to you is going to have a lot to do with the state of mind you take into it. Feel free to acknowlege how disappointing it is to have to change plans, but also try to go into it with gratitude for the technology that is going to make it safer for you both.
I think you should talk to your doctor about options for an induction and a c/s and maybe write up an induction/ c-section birth plan. That way you can still have a voice in the way your birth goes and make it the best experience it can be.
And honestly it can take time to come to terms with it. Allow yourself to take that time and feel whatever you feel. It's OK if you feel cheated or angry, etc. Some people will tell you that you should just feel grateful to have a healthy baby--of course you're going to be thankful for your baby! But it's ok to feel upset about how the birth went too. It took me a while to come to terms with my daughter's birth but I feel like I'm a stronger and wiser person now because of it.
And FWIW I had an induction that ended in a c/s and a rough start to breastfeeding--and I was able to breastfeed my daughter for over 2 years. We are definitely bonded too. So an induction/c-section does not doom your chances at breastfeeding or bonding with your baby.
I'm sorry you're having a difficult pregnancy!
I ended up with an emergency c/s w/ DS. It was 100% necessary but I went through a lot in terms of coping with not having a vaginal or natural birth. I also wasn't awake for his birth, which made it all the more difficult.
I don't have words of wisdom other than to say it will take time for you to heal emotionally. C/S recovery was not as bad as I thought it would be. I also breastfed my son for 21 months. So c/s's don't mean the end of nursing. I did have a lot of challenges that I suspect I wouldn't have had with a vaginal birth but it wasn't anything insurmountable. I hope the same for you if you have to have your c/s. GL!
Some things I learned from my planned home birth turned hospital c-section:
- Let go of the attachment you've got to the birth you planned. I know that's the whole reason of your post, but this was such a huge learning for me. For me, being at home is what I was attached to and giving up on that was emotional for me. Once I got to the hospital, things got so much easier.
- An emergency c-section is not what you want (the hospital staff told me this several times). If you can plan it, even a few hours in advance (which is what we did after ~12 hours of inducing), the experience can still feel like a birth and not a medical procedure. I 'delivered' in a room full of laughter, jokes, and tears of joy.
- I agree with the pp'er who suggested learning more about what can/will happen (which it sounds like you're already doing). If you can begin to visualize your realities the same way you visualized your Bradley/natural plans, they will not be so difficult to accept. Once we were in the hospital, the staff did a really great job of explaining what would happen.
- People say it doesn't matter how you get there.... but I totally understand that from where you're sitting, it does. I promise you that when they showed me my son, I couldn't care less about the process by which I got there.
- Some earlier posts discussed separation after cesarian - here's what we had..... they talked to me during the procedure, they showed him to me the moment he came out, they brought him up to my head right after he was cleaned (~2 min later), and they brought him to me in recovery and the nurse set him up for me to bf there (~30 min later).
- Opportunity.... My DH was with him from the moment he came out through everything, which I think was huge for him as father/protector.
It will be an experience you'll remember forever.... no matter the path. Also, I suspect even those who have their natural births would admit that things totally didn't go according to plan.
Best wishes!
Thank you all again for your encouraging words, especially encouraging stories about c-sections and breastfeeding. I am going to create an induction/c-section birth plan and I think that will help me feel a lot better.
This board is truly great--I don't see such sincere, thoughtout responses to posts anywhere else on the bump.
My baby and I are truly blessed to be living in a time where we have natural birth options and the medical interventions that we need.
One of my twin daughters was IUGR. I was induced at 34w5d due to pre-e and IUGR. My doctor agreed to go ahead with a vaginal delivery as long as I was very closely monitored and they could straight to an emergency c-section if necessary. We were especially careful because she had to wait through the first baby's delivery before being born.
I'm posting this to tell you that she did great and I had a great twin delivery of an IUGR baby. I did have an epi in place, but it wouldn't have been necessary. I think my dr just wanted to have the line in place so they could move to a c-section quickly if necessary.
Talk with your dr about your options. I completely agree with pp's that a healthy baby is the most important thing, but wanted to give you my story.
This sounds a little bit like my situation with my 1st baby. At 34 weeks we found out that he was IUGR and very much so. I went through an induction that didn't take as it was too early for my body. I ended up with a c/s. In my situation it WAS the best choice. I also was very lucky in the fact that I had a very good c/s and excellent recovery. My son spent about 4 weeks in the NICU and was home in my arms before his actual due date.
I think a big part of natural birth is that the woman is involved in the decision process, is informed and that she feels empowered by her decision. In your case, like mine, that decision is not really up to you but you can still be very much present in the decision making process. I asked TONS of questions which made me feel like I was an important person in the process, not just a body to be operated on.
In the future VBAC is very much an option. My 2nd was a successful VBAC. I am also very blessed to have an OB that is very focused on woman's health. A repeat c/s with my OB was never even considered and with this 3rd baby I was breech for a bit and he fully supported a breech delivery (luckily though baby is head down).
Good luck with everything. Take away all the good parts and leave the bad or unfavorable. We can choose which memories we focus on. Even looking back now I still see the whole thing in a nice way, even the NICU experience.