Community› The Bump Month Clubs› June 2011 Moms
June 2011 Moms
New Discussion

Feeling Petty

Sleepdeprived2011Sleepdeprived2011
in June 2011 Moms
So as I stated in an earlier post...my SIL had a miscarriage this last weekend....so our family has all been feeling pretty bummed. Well, my baby shower is this weekend...and I am pretty sure that it is not going to be the happy party that I was expecting it to be...my SIL went home, and will not be attending the shower...and my MIL will probably only talk about what happened the whole party. Is it petty of me to be upset that my big day will no longer be about me? I feel dumb for even posting this...I am just bummed about the whole situation.
Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
Report Reply to Post

Re: Feeling Petty

  • ajc0121ajc0121 member
    I dont think it is petty to feel bummed about that, but unfortunately that is out of your control. I'm sure your shower will still be great.
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
    Report Reply
  • Loading the player...
  • justme04justme04 member

    I think I kind of know how you feel.  When I was pregnant with my little boy my bestie had a miscarriage the week before we went to find out the gender.  I didn't know how to go about telling her and be excited around her without making her feel bad.

     I actually put off telling her for 2 weeks and even then it was too awkward discussing pregnancy things with her.  I ended up discussing all things baby with my DH's friend who was pregnant at the time.  Which made my bestie jealous...but she was just never into talking about my baby and I didnt want to push all of it on her. 

    Miscarriages are emotional and tough to deal with.  What I learned was no matter what I did to try to either include her or give her space....I did everything all wrong. 

    Anniversary
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    BabyFruit Ticker
    Report Reply
  • OctoberCAPAOctoberCAPA member
    I don't think you're being petty for being disappointed that your shower now has a bit of a pall cast over it.  It would be great if your MIL could put on a brave face and focus on you for the day, but she's also grieving.  I think you just have to let her be and go with the flow....you obviously can't say anything without looking like a huge b!tch, but hopefully MIL and any other members of SIL's family/friends can look forward to your shower as a nice break of happiness.
    <a href="http://www.thenest.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Newlywed Advice"><img src="http://global.thenest.com/tickers/tt18b49a.aspx" alt="Vacation" border="0"  /></a> 
    Report Reply
  • breezy79breezy79 member
    try to put yourself in your sister's shoes and I'm sure you'll feel different.
    Having gone through miscarriages there is no way I'd go to a baby shower so soon.
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
    Report Reply
  • Turtle143Turtle143 member

    Ditto pp who said the ILs would still be grieving at this point, as it only happened last weekend. I hope you have a different perspective. I know I wouldn't know exactly how to be happy around people going thru such a sad occurrence in their lives so recently. This is why I canceled my shower when my cousin went missing early March. I didn't know how I could be happy, let alone be happy in front of her parents.

    But again this is out of your control, it's neither you or your SIL's fault the timing of these events. In any case I hope it works out. 

    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
    Report Reply
  • ashleah83ashleah83 member
    I don't think you are being petty. If your MIL is talking about it at the shower, I think you could say something very politely about your own feelings, re: how sad you are for SIL and (your own loss of niece/nephew) and that talking about it is hard because it makes you feel sad and especially uncomfortable about celebrating your own LO at the moment.
    Report Reply
  • EMLYNNLERETTEEMLYNNLERETTE member

    imageashleah83:
    I don't think you are being petty. If your MIL is talking about it at the shower, I think you could say something very politely about your own feelings, re: how sad you are for SIL and (your own loss of niece/nephew) and that talking about it is hard because it makes you feel sad and especially uncomfortable about celebrating your own LO at the moment.

    Glad someone said this.  It is horrible what happened to your SIL.  BUT, you still have a wonderful little baby growing inside you that is worth celebrating!   Hopefully she will have the tact to not say anything at all and make it about you, but if she doesn't (everyone grieves differently,) it would be acceptable for you to say something if you go about it in the right way.

    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"