- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Stay at Home Moms
susanmosley
member
"Raising" - what does it mean?
susanmosley
member
I only skimmed the post below. So maybe this was clarified...I will go back and read. And maybe it is all semantics, but what exactly is your definition of "raising?"
I guess I am of the belief that if someone is with your child for a lot of time when they are little they are "raising" them. I have a babysitter 20 hours a week for my 2 year old. She is definitely helping raise her. I believe that if someone is with your infant/toddler more than you are during waking hours, they are playing a gigantic part in raising your child. If they are with your child 40 hours a week and you are with your awake child <40, aren't they raising your child? How is this debatable - what am I missing?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: &quot;Raising&quot; - what does it mean?
You said it yourself. Your babysitter is "helping" raise your daughter. Her directions come from YOU (or DH), who is raising her. You are making the decisions.
I don't think anyone is arguing that daycare/sitters/etc. are "helping" you raise your child, but you (and your DH) are raising them.
I hope that all makes sense........
"Helping" is the key word there. When DD is out of my care, other people are "helping" me raise her, but don't for one second, think I don't call of the shots. It's about finding someone you the PARENT are comfortable with. Someone who has the same beliefs, morals, etc.
I also believe part of "raising" includes providing your children with safe shelter, food, clothes, oppportunities, and $$$. I've never heard of a daycare/preschool that's provided all of those things for a child.
I also want to add that not all parents are the best influences. Their are kids who live in abusive homes, with drug addicted parents, etc. Those kids may be staying home with a parent all day, but there situation is not ideal.
I agree with this. Those people are certainly helping and play a major role in your child's life (all of which I believe is only a benefit to the child), but the person/people calling the overall shots is the one doing the raising regardless of whether they are physically with that child 24/7 or not.
I think you can raise your child on 2 hours a day + weekends, but I don't think you can raise your child if you are both working 50+ hours a week when your kids are awake and have sitters often. Maybe a few people can, but I worked in daycare for 2 years when I was young. It was open 12 hours a day. The kids that were there that long where getting the short end of the stick. I am pretty sure that studies back up the cost to kids, but really it is much less obvious IMO, it is sadness that kids have at 4 or 5 who are the first to be dropped and the last to be picked up. I know great moms who work full time, one in particular, who I admire a great deal, and would like to emulate more.
There is a book called the price of affluence that details some of the impact of children who get money and not love, expectations, but not assistance, the impact is similar to that of kids who grow up in low income households, where the parent is generally forced to work long hours just to get by.
I think the key is making your kids feel important, that is hard to do when you never see them, except to stick them in bed or get them to daycare.
Yea, a caregiver is "helping" raise your child. They are not the main ones raising your child unless they are always with them and making all the big decisions.That is usually the parents or guardians job, therefor they are the ones raising.
You could look at it with the 'it takes a village' aspect: I think it is nice for a LO to have lots of love and different people to take part in there life. It enriches it and certainly has an impact. If that person is with child almost daily then they are certainly "helping" to raise that child.
WM here-
Not being snarky at all or starting anything, but I'm curious to know what your thoughts are on your husband not raising your child since he works?
My instinct is to say that of course I am the one raising my child, but our daycare provider has a major role in our lives. She provides an invaluable resource to us. She takes care of and loves my kids when I can not be physically available to them. She's also given tons of advice and kept the kids overnight during times of need. So I can get behind the thought that she is helping us raise them. And thank goodness for that. I welcome all the help I can get.
She once said to me that at first she had trouble figuring out why she did such a better job organizing and managing her home daycare than she did with her own 8 kids. Then she realized it's because she's only on for set hours during the day. She doesn't have to do the night wakings or doctor's appointments or sick days. She doesn't have to make the big decisions in their lives. And that is why I consider myself to be the primary caregiver of my kids.
Also, for the OP who mentioned the amount of awake hours being <40, I have to disagree. My kids are awake for 91 hours a week. They are at daycare for 45 and with me for 46, so technically I still spend more awake hours with them. That's not counting the sick days, vacation days, and middle of the night rockings. But really, that doesn't affect my feelings on the matter.
Well, yes. But what does that have to do with anything?
Wow. Do you really think the roles of mother versus a child care provider are interchangeable based solely on the amount of time they spend with a child?
I work part-time, and DD has had probably 5 primary child care providers in the 4 years she's been in daycare (DS has had 3). Most of them have certainly had a big influence on their life at the time, but they are in no way raising them. I don't even know if I would consider them to be helping raise them. They are not going to spend 18 years trying to ensure that DS and DD become happy, healthy, well-rounded, and confident adults.