Infertility

the frustration of it all

So, we started seeing an RE last June and i ended up going through several cycles of BC to regulate my cycle, before starting Clomid, with two mishaps (one with a cyst and one with too many follicles) before finally starting IUIs in December. Three IUI's later (going on two and a half years of BFNs), I began my IVF cycle last month and had my retrieval yesterday. I hadn't weighed myself since January and I have gained 35 pounds! I knew I'd been gaining because I just felt awful and sluggish and my clothes weren't fitting properly, but DH kept brushing it off and saying I was being emotional and was probably just bloated. I know this should be small potatoes in the grand scheme of things but I started crying in the prep room.  I've gone from the low end of normal to well into the overweight bracket (I'm petite and small boned, so even 5 pounds shows a lot on me).  Now I'm doing the electrolyte/protein (OHSS on top of it all) and I can barely move but I'm freaking out and worried about gaining another 25-30 pounds during pregnancy.  Meanwhile, DH believes he is supportive, but I feel completely alone. He only sees the end result, and says "don't worry about it!", but I see myself turning into a laboring, ugly mess and my self-esteem is below zero.  Anyway, I'm sorry if this seems petty and ridiculous... I just wanted to vent and thought, perhaps, a few of you might be able to relate or have any suggestions?

In happier news, they retrieved 20 eggs, so I'm looking at a Friday or Sunday transfer! :)

<3 K

BabyFruit Ticker

Re: the frustration of it all

  • (((hugs)))) please take care of yourself, I understand how everything seems overwhelming right now.

    On the subject of weight, I'm with ya! We started TTC 2 years ago and I think I've been steadily gaining since then, but more since the diagnosis. I think initially I just figured I would be pregnant so I didn't worry about it, then when we found out that we couldn't get pregnant naturally I started stress eating.

    The reason people say this is so hard is because of exactly what you're experiencing, the emotional side effects of it all. Let your DH try and support you as best he can, this is hard on both of you and it sounds like he's trying to be there for you, but know that this board is for those of us in the same position and we're here anytime.

    2 IVFs & 1 FET. Welcome home baby girl!
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  • I am so sorry you are going through all of this.  You will find lots of support here and lots of people who have been going through the same thing.  I also can't fit into most of my clothes since starting treatments over a year ago and I understand how that can add to your anxiety.  I don't have anything to say that will take away your frustation, but I just wanted you to know that you're not alone.  I hope this is your month!  Good Luck!

     
    me 33/DH 36
    ttc since 10/2008; d/x: mild MFI, stageII endo
    ~~PAIF/SAIF Welcome~~
    11 IUI’s = 1 m/c (7w4d)
    IVF#1 January 2012 BFN, FET #1 April 2012 BFN
    Surprise BFP October 2012 m/c (7w), Surprise BFP April 2013 m/c (6w4d)
    IVF #2: July 2013, ET 1 embryo 7/18, beta 1 @ 14dp3dt - 757, beta 2 @ 16dp3dt - 1762
    U/S 1 @ 6w4d = 1 little frogger with HB of 118, U/S 2 @ 7w3d measuring right on track with HB of 160
    Stick Frogger Stick! Please!!!!!!!!!!!!!   It's a Girl, EDD April 7, 2014

    BabyFruit Ticker

  • imagebfarrell:
    I am so sorry you are going through all of this.  You will find lots of support here and lots of people who have been going through the same thing...I don't have anything to say that will take away your frustation, but I just wanted you to know that you're not alone.  I hope this is your month!  Good Luck!

    This exactly...IF really is just one thing after another and it all just piles on the stress...big (((hugs))) sweetie.

    TTC since 11/09
    Two C/P and Lots of Tests
    Me = LPD + cancer survivor, DH = low count and morphology
    IUIs #1-5, January 2011 - June 2011 = BFN
    IVF #1 in July/August 2011 = BFP!!!!!
    image

    BabyFetus Ticker
    "Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear."
  • I am so sorry you are going through this.   I am having trouble keeping my weight low.  I tend to lose a few pounds during months off and then they go right back on.   Between that and the bloat half my clothes don't fit me.

    That sounds like a great number of eggs though!

    TTC since Jan. 2010 DX Unexplained infertility
    3 IUI's w/Clomid & Ovidrel=all BFNs
    3 IVF (2 Fresh, 1 frozen) =BFN
    Jan 2012 New RE & Fresh Cycle =BFP!
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker


    TTC #2 October 2014
    Meet with RE March 2015
    2 Frozen & 1 Fresh IVF= BFNs
    September 2015 Frozen ET=BFP!


    BabyFruit Ticker


  • I'm so sorry, I know exactly how you feel. It's hard to feel in control at any point in the process and I think the same goes with weight control.

    That's a great number for ER! GL!!


    image

    SAIF Always Welcome
    TTC #1 since Fall 2008
    High FSH, Sertoli Cell Only Syndrome
    Unsuccessful with my OE, moving to DE + DS
    DE + DS IVF #1: Dec 2012 - BFP, nothing at first u/s 
    DE + DS IVF #2: 3/14/13 - c/p
    DE + DS IVF #3: 7/12/13 - BFP! Finally! No heartbeat at 7w1d.
    DE + DS IVF #4: 5/16/14 - BFN
    DE + DS IVF #5: 9/3/14 - BFP at 5.5dp5dt, Beta 1 @ 9dp5dt: 438; hb of 133 at 6w5d, no hb at 7w1d
    DE + DS IVF #6: 3/3/15 - BFN on HPTs through 7dp5dt, Beta 1 @ 8dp5dt: 19, Beta 2 @ 10dp5dt: 76, nothing at u/s

    You miss 100% of the shots you don't take - Wayne Gretzky 
  • Thank you so much, ladies!!! I can't begin to express how grateful I am to feel like I'm not crazy and know that you are out there! {{{hugs}}} to all of you!
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • ((hugs)) I'm sorry you are feeling down.

    Wishing you the best of luck on your cycle!

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  • I COMPLETELY understand! My H is always so "supportive" - "No Honey, you look great", "You must just be a little bloated today- it will go away soon", "It's the meds", etc.... I just want him to tell me that this shirt looks like crap because you can see my gut that didn't used to be there! He thinks he is being supportive but he's just brushing stuff under the rug because he doesn't want me to feel bad. I love him for it, but I wish he would just be realistic with me.

    So (((HUGS))) to you. Now that you are aware of your weight gain, you can take control! Watch what you eat (I recently cut out all fast food and lost 5 lbs without modifying any activity or other food choices- next is soda *gasp*), do exercise that you enjoy- (I love Yoga because it is my relaxation time away from the world and Zumba because it energizes me- but even walking more, parking at the end of the parking lot, all of the cheezy stuff you hear- can really make a difference)- a lot of my weight is medication related, but I know I can make better choices and I'm just focusing on the little things that I can control.  You can do it- don't be discouraged. And GL on your cycle!

    Don't worry about tomorrow. After all, today is the tomorrow that you worried about yesterday. Take each day as it comes...one at a time. Midnight Baking Adventures Blog
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