Will I ever get over her birth
My daughter is now almost 11 months old and very healthy and on track and I still have issues dealing with her early arrival. The abbreviated story of her birth. She was born at 35 and her lungs weren't ready yet. She was on a vent for 5 days and transferred to Childrens Hospital of Milwaukee on day 5 because the hospital she was at said she had a medium to large PDA and bleeding in the brain. Luckily Childrens took her off the vent the night she got there. There was no bleen and the PDA was small. I know we were lucky that she was a fighter and healthy other then her lungs not being ready.
My son was born at 37 weeks (he's now 3.5 years old) and had to be in the nursery for 12 hours because he was having issues breathing due to being born extremely quickly and he had to work the fluid out of his lungs.
I can look at pictures of her now at the hospital without loosing it but I am having a hard time dealing with other women having "normal" births and healthy babies. I cry and am very jealous that I have never gotten that first moments of bonding. Will I ever feel whole again and come to grips with her birth?
Re: Will I ever get over her birth
You need to call your OBGYN or your primary care dr and go in for a visit. I just did this recently, because I was having issues as well. Everyone told me how lucky I was, and still tell me to this day, but it does not make me feel better. I relive the whole hard pregnancy, right up to the hemmraging blood from the left over placenta 6 weeks later, and that is not normal. I realized I needed to talk it out with someone, and you probably should too.
Can you make an appointment, and possibly talk to a friend or sister in the mean time? Maybe have your SO watch the baby tonight and go out for a cup of coffee with a friend.
It's so normal. Some people say it's like a mild form of PTSD. I replay his birth in my head almost every night before going to sleep - even though it's like torture - it was such an extreme experience. I don't know why, and I'm sure it'll get better with time. The jealousy of other pregnant women and happy pregnancies doesn't go away. You just need to make new, better memories. Think about all those extra days of knowing and talking to your LO that full term moms don't get.
Just know that you aren't alone!
I don't know that any of us really get over it entirely, but it does get better. I compare it to wounds, they heal, but we always have some sort of scar. For me, I went through all those stages of grief. It wasn't until I realized that my jealousy and bitterness towards others was making me into a person I didn't like. I was losing my ability to empathize. I didn't like that at all and knew I needed to change something. People who have less traumatic experiences than me can and are still very traumatized and I should be able to empathize with them.
For a long time I would get bitter about people who don't want children, or don't take care of themselves while pregnant being able to have big healthy babies. I was jealous and bitter towards them in particular, it isn't fair etc. What helped me was I had this thought "what if Evan had been born to them?". All of the thoughts that followed that one scared me, and suddenly I was grateful that if he was going to be born the way he was, I'm glad it was me and not them.
Does it still hurt sometimes, yes, but I'm in a much better place. My road is my own alone, with it's unique bumps and turns, as is everyones. There will always be those with harder and easier roads than mine. I'm just trying to keep peace with my road.
It's normal. Even with DD2 being born weeks ago just two days before her due date, I still have a lot of emotions tied to DD1's arrival. I can now compare and contrast two very different births and postpartum experiences and I still mourn for a lot of what I missed with DD1 (some of which I didn't even realize until having a full term baby). There's something that just lasts when hormones mix with disappointment and fear- and any time your child suffers, it takes a whole chunk of your soul, no matter how long that child has been "yours".
That being said, if you thoughts are all consuming and you have difficulty getting through most days without dwelling on it or it consuming your thoughts then you should talk to your dr about it. The memories of the emotions will stay with you forever, but the emotions themselves (the hurt, fear, anger, sadness, guilt, etc) should lessen over time. If you honestly feel a level of sadness or pain that isn't dissipating with time or that you can't deal with personally then it's probably PTSD or PPD. It's totally understandable and normal, but that level of emotions is going to need your dr to help you get through.
Hold strong mamma.
Thank you everyone! It helps alittle to know that I am not alone. Even talking to my DH about it has never helped because he thinks I just need to get over it and move on. He had a rough up bringing and I think thats how he learned to deal with things because it was the only way for him to deal was to just let it go.
I need to think about what i'm going to do. I've meantioned how Im feeling to my OB, my regular doc and the kids ped. All 3 have told me its normal and I'll evetually feel better.