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Parenting after a Loss
daphne814
member
s/o Baptisms...WWYD?
daphne814
member
This might get long, so bear with me please. There will be cookies at the end for those who read all the way!
So, DH and I are both baptized Catholic. I would be considered much more "Catholic" than him. We are both spiritual, but he has a pretty big issue with the Catholic church and the way some of them can be a bit...I don't know how to explain this....routine? He doesn't like the cookie cutter stand up, sit down, kneel, recite, etc. He would rather just listen to scripture and hear a pastor speak about how it applies to our lives.
I don't mind either way. I am fine with the way the Catholic mass goes because I went to Catholic school all my life, and I guess I'm just used to it. But, I have no problem going to other Christian churches. To me, it's just time to spend with God and sort of reflect on life. I don't know. People who know me IRL would probably laugh at me dwelling on this so much because I don't think I come off as a very religious person, but I definitely do have a spiritual side to me. Has anyone read "The Shack"? That would be a good description of my views on God. Anywho....
SO, in an effort to still go to church without putting up a huge fight every Sunday, we decided to go on a search for a church that we both agreed upon. About halfway through my pregnancy, we found a Presbyterian church that we both REALLY like. We try to go every Sunday, but realistically it probably happens once or twice a month.
Well, on Easter, I really wanted to go to a Catholic mass as a family since DD had never been to our Catholic church yet. DH agreed, and we went. Well, the priest (I think he was a traveling priest because I didn't recognize him, but it had been a while) spent the entire sermon ranting about how if you don't go to mass every Sunday you are committing a mortal sin and shouldn't get communion (I'm sure he was targeting all of the Easter/Christmas only Catholics). And, we need to go confession on Wednesdays before we can get communion again, otherwise we will be banished to hell. I'm not even kidding. It seriously sounded like an infomercial. "If you go to confession this Wednesday, you can be absolved of your sins in time for Mercy Sunday next week. But wait, there's more! God will forgive you if you come to confession no matter how long it's been. But, if you don't go to confession, and you don't go to mass every Sunday, you are doomed to suffer in hell." It was everything my DH has ever said he didn't like about the Catholic church. It made me feel pretty dang uncomfortable, too. In fact, we ended up walking out before communion because I knew I wasn't going to walk up there after that.
Now here's the dilemma. We want to get DD baptized for sure. Before Easter, I wanted to do it in the Catholic church for tradition's sake. Both of our families are Catholic, it just made sense. DH fought me on it a little, but ultimately agreed to concede that one. Then we went to Easter mass. Now he REALLY doesn't want to baptize her in the Catholic church, and I'm starting to agree. If we both like the Presbyterian church, why not just go there, right? Is it weird if DH and I are both baptized Catholic but our DD is baptized Presbyterian? My crazy side says, what if there is a Catholic heaven and a Presbyterian heaven and we end up in different places in the afterlife?? The thought really makes me sad. But that's just crazy, right??
OK...that was WAYYYY too long, but WWYD? Would you go with the Catholic church and just make sure you don't get that priest? Would you go with the Presbyterian church?? Or give me your special snowflake response below 
Thanks for reading so much...here are your cookies!! lol
This discussion has been closed.
Re: s/o Baptisms...WWYD?
Here are my thoughts...How do you feel about waiting until DD is older and letting her decide where/if she'd like to be baptized? My parents are Presbyterian and I was not baptized. They wanted me to make the decision for myself. I actually just got baptized in the Catholic church a few years ago so DH and I could get married in the church. If I were in your situation, I might consider waiting as well.
That's a great question. We haven't even discussed waiting as an option. I think we both agree that want to do it now, we just can't decide which church to go with. I guess the reasons that we would rather do it now have to do with our families. My DH is 12 years older than I am, so his parents are getting older, and my grandparents are still here and I know they would all like to be a part of it. But, they might not be as thrilled if we decide to go with the Presbyterian church. I guess another part of it is my "Catholic guilt". I feel like I'm obligated to get her baptized now, whether we go with Catholicism or Presbyterianism.
I would take her to a place you are comfortable. If being baptized Catholic isn't important... and I mean IMPORTANT... I would just go to the Presbyterian church for her baptism... you both like it there and you are comfortable taking her there.
I totally understand your reasoning! I can see how it's a hard decision. I think if you're going regularly to the Presbyterian church, I would consider doing it there. I think doing a Catholic baptism and then going to the Presbyterian church wouldn't make much sense. I would also check into with the Presbyterian church to see what their guidelines are in terms of requiring you to become members, etc.
Geez! Sounds like a dilemma. I was baptized Catholic, my husband was baptized Lutheran. According to our Archdioses, they count being baptized in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit as being baptized in the Catholic tradition, regardless of the church (hence, they consider my husband Catholic, but I also think it has to do that the Vatican has decided to forgive Martin Luther and welcomes all Lutherans back to the Catholic Church).
We haven't baptized my DD, and probably won't baptize any of our kids. My father used to bother us about it although lately he hasn't been going to church, and I still get the lecture whenever we visit my Dad's cousins (they are very Catholic), but I figure I'll let them make their own decision when they get older.
One thing I can suggest is visiting different Catholic Churches if you really want to baptize your baby in the Catholic faith, different fathers have different styles and some are more liberal than others. For some reason, I have found that the Hispanic Catholic Churches seem more liberal, some might offer services in English.You could also look into the different religious orders (Jesuits, Franciscans, etc.) and see if you prefer one to the other. Otherwise, baptize her in the church you see fit.
I actually checked into the guidelines before the whole Easter thing. The Presbyterian church will recognize anyone of a Christian faith as members, so we basically just have to sign up with them. We've been going there long enough now that the Pastor recognizes us from shaking hands as we leave, so I don't think it would be weird for us to join and get her baptized. But, it also means that if we did baptize her in the Catholic church, she could still attend their church without any problem.
Love the cookies.
DH is sorta catholic, and I'm sorta mormon. We were both baptised in our own religons but stopped going to church as teens. Now DH is really wanting to get Amelia baptized, but I don't. In mormonism children are born pure and don't need to be baptized until they are older and can make that decision on their own. For catholics they believe that babies are born with sin (? that might not be exactly how it works, I'm sure you know better than I). So you can see where/why we would differ on this. When we do baptize A, it will be at a different church than mormon/catholic. A neutral one that we can both be comfortable with. So that's my advice. Go to the one you are comfortable with.
FWIW- I don't think Heaven is segregated by religion.
-m/c at 11w2d due to partial molar 2008 -m/c #2 2009
Beautiful daughter born February 2011
**Ultimate TTCALer 2009**
My DH grew up in the Catholic church and going to catholic schools. I grew up kind of a religious mutt (I tried baptist, episcopalian, catholic, and presbyterian churches). When we got engaged, we both agreed that we wanted to find a church where we both felt a close connection to God and where we both felt comfortable. My DH didn't have a strong pull to stay in the Catholic church, so that wasn't really an issue for us. In the end, we both enjoyed a local Presbyterian church and feel that it offers us the best religious experience for us. We had DD baptized in the presbyterian church. My personal feelings on church and religion is that it should be something that makes you feel closer to God and is an uplifting, positive experience. Church shouldn't be about guilt or feeling like you are an inadequate Christian. And I do understand what your DH is saying about the "routine"....that's why I didn't really like the Catholic or Episcopalian churches. I think that when you're reading the same passages each time and doing the same movements, you lose sight of the meaning behind them. For instance, at my IL's during dinner, when they do the "Bless us, oh Lord..." prayer they say it so fast that I don't think they even really know what they are saying anymore (I certainly can't understand the speed talk).
For what it's worth, I am so happy that we had DD baptized in the same church that she will grow up in and will have a relationship with the rest of the congregation and the pastors. In a presbyterian baptism, there is a part where the entire congregation vows to support the child and help guide them as they grow....I know that DD will get that from our congregation.
I've also read The Shack and I LOVE it! Great read.
Honestly, if you plan to go to both Catholic and Presbyterian churches during her life then I might lean towards having her baptized Catholic. I'll explain why. You said she can be baptized Catholic but easily be a member of the Presbyterian church. If she is baptized Presbyterian and later wants to join the Catholic church she will have to go through the RCIA process. (This is what I did.) It is a really LONG process (9+ months). It was nice for me b/c I didn't know much about the Catholic faith but for someone who had been exposed to it already it could be really tedious.
Yeah, DH and I both have a pretty big issue with the whole concept of original sin. It's really hard for me to swallow the idea that somehow by being born into this world, my DD has committed a sin that would not allow her into heaven without first being baptized.
BTW, I hope I'm not offending any Catholics out there. I'm just trying to come to terms with all of this as a Catholic myself. Having a child and making these sorts of decisions on behalf of someone else really gets you thinking.
And I really hope if Heaven is segregated (which I agree, it probably isn't...but look what 12 years of Catholic school will make me think!!), that they at least have chain link fences so I can still hang out with all my friends from other faiths
This is something that has definitely crossed my mind. I think you just hit the nail on the head. We need to think about whether we *do* plan to go to both churches. Maybe it's time for me to let go and make a change. I feel like I'm so rooted in my Catholicism because it's just the way I was raised, that maybe I'm afraid to let go of that and just go with the Pres. church. But, if I do feel like Catholicism will be a part of our lives in the future, then you're right, it would be easier for her to go be baptized in their church and still attend the pres. church if we want. Hmmm....
I was also baptised Catholic and went to Catholic school through 7th grade. About that time I had come to the conclusion that there were a lot of things that I didn't agree with. That particular thing (not going to church being a mortal sin) being a big one. Confession in general, I have a problem with. All denominations tell you to have a personal relationship with God and to speak to him and pray to him, but Catholism says, "That's all well and good but if you don't tell this guy in the robes, you're still going to Hell."
Anyway that was my rant. My sister sends her daughter to the same Catholic school we went to and I'm getting the pressure to send Jax there from the ehtire family. But I've made it clear that we are not sending him to that particular school and maybe not any Catholic school, and he will not be brought up in the Catholic church. Thankfully, I also went to the Baptist church that my mother's family belongs to growing up and I've always felt more comfortable. If it were me, I'd baptise my child in the church where I'm happy and comfortable, and for me that's not any Catholic church I've ever been to!
I saw a baptism at our Presbyterian church, and I really liked the way it was done. They did what you said about asking the congregation to support and guide the child, and I really liked that sense of community. I think, like Jessica pointed out, we need to decide on one church and stick with it. I know for us, we are definitely leaning toward the presbyterian church, so I think I just need to accept the fact that it's ok for DD to be baptized in another faith. We would all be Christian, and the whole purpose of all of this it just to have a good relationship with God and live our lives as good people. I agree with you that it's nice to have DD baptized in the church that she will grow up in, so whichever we choose, we need to commit.
First of all, thanks for the cookies! I am Presbyterian and chose to be baptized when I was 13. DH was raised/baptized Catholic and chose to leave because he hated that, in the Catholic church, they would just read scripture and not relate it to your lives. He likes that, in the Presbyterian church, they quote scripture and give a message that you can take with you during the week.
When DH joined my church, the pastor said that Catholic baptisms are recognized so he wouldn't have to do it again. The Catholics think otherwise. He said the "separate heaven" thing is probably a Catholic idea that has been stuck in your head.
So, I would check out the Presbyterian Church if I were you!
Well, my personal belief plays into the answer here, so for what it's worth:
Become members of the church you attend and baptize your child there. Baptism is a means of welcoming a child into the family of Christ through your church family. If the Catholic church is NOT your church family, I see no reason to welcome her into the body of Christ there. It's akin to barging in to someone else's Christmas dinner, having a nice supper, and then never being seen again. . .
The afterlife, I have to believe, is not separated by man's interpretations and dogmatic decisions. While The Simpsons had a funny Catholic/Protestant heaven skit, I doubt it's really like that.
Good luck. I know this is a struggle. Why not call the pastor of the church you attend and get his input as well? Pastors can be an excellent resource for honest discussions about these questions of faith.
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Thank you all so much for all of your input. I was a little nervous to post this because I know religion and politics can always be touchy subjects, but I love that you all were honest but in such a respectful and caring way. I really appreciate all of your thoughts and opinions on this.
DH and I are going to talk about it some more (he even listened to all of your insight!), and come up with our plan of action. He is planning to contact the Pastor of the Presbyterian church to get some insight as well (I think grrr suggested that one, so thanks
} You ladies are awesome!