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June 2011 Moms
How Do You Get Your SO/DH to Help Out More?
I have been leaving sublte hints with my DH that I need more help with keeping things tidy and clean but its not working. I don't like asking, but I do every now and again, I just don't feel like I should have to, especially now that I'm on bedrest and in even more pain than in previous months of my pregnancy. It seems like he would pick up the slack since I can't do as much as I used to. However, I still find myself doing 95% of maintenence that needs to be done, though I take breaks between cleaning things now. I know I should rest more but its hard to lie in bed and know that things need to be done and also know that if I dont do them, there is only a 5% chance that he will.
Honestly, if he just cleaned up after himself(picked up clothes, clean off sink, get dishes, etc) that would make a world of difference, I wouldn't have much to do at all. And I am by no means a clean freak, OCD or anything so its not like I'm running a white glove around the baseboard, but I do like a neat, clean home.
And soon we will be sharing our home with a LO and I fear things will get worse if we don't work together more now to keep the house in order.
Any suggestions? How do you ladies get your SO/DHs to help out?
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Re: How Do You Get Your SO/DH to Help Out More?
Boys (and yes, even as grown men, they are still boys) don't do subtlety. They need blatant requests, and even then, it will usually take some reminding.
Just talk to him and tell him what you need from him. At least this is what works for DH and me.
GL
I think I wrote your post. I am dealing with the same thing. When I go to the doc, DH gets all worried and "in the moment" talks about how he is going to help out more so that I can relax on my bedrest.
That was two weeks ago...
Now I am still having to get up to clean up behind him, do dishes, vacuum and so on. My stepdaughter was here a few days ago and I could have sworn I had two kids in the house. If I hadn't done anything - gathered garbage, washed her clothes, did dishes, etc... we would be in a dirt hole.
It's frustrating. I have learned, like the PP, that you have to be blatant about your requests. Of course, I am hard headed about it because I don't like to hear him sighing and huffing and puffing.
But I've been fortunate with my DH. He's VERY helpful.
I know that sometimes when DH and I have this conversation, he tries to help, but he just really doesn't know what to do when I ask for help. Usually after we talk about it, I usually make him a list of specific tasks that I would like him to do. I used to feel really uncomfortable about making the lists, but DH just gets lost around the house and needs direction.
Good luck!
BLOG
DH i can tell flat out he needs to do ........ whatever. I would love for him to think for himself and do something w/o me asking. But atleast i can ask him.
My SiL however.... she lives with us because she's broke and couldn't afford to pay her rent. I don't feel comfortable asking her to clean the bathroom or run the vacuum. I assumed she'd just do it when she saw it should be done. But i was seriously wrong. And it's a major point of contention between DH and i because i keep telling him he needs to tell her to help out more.
I'm very thankful to have a husband like this, but all I have to do is ask DH for his help with chores because I'm having a difficult time with whatever chore and he'll step up to help me with no complaints. Sometimes he'll even ask for me to make a list of things that I need help with and he'll work on the list when he has a day off from work.
DH: 34/Me: 35
Married: Feb 2008
DD: June 2011
TTC# 2: April 2014
BFP!! 8/29/16 --> EDD: 5/11/17....it's a GIRL!!!
I have a no nagging/direct task rule. I ask him to do something twice (giving him time to respond on his time table, not mine). If he doesn't do it at that point I just start doing it myself which usually triggers him remembering that I asked and he'll take over. I also pick and choose things that I have more of a success rate on. For example, his computer and video games are in the basement, as is the laundry machine, so I'll ask him to do the laundry while he is down there. He despises doing dishes, so I don't bother asking him to do those (we don't have a dishwasher) because he'll drag his feet, I'll end up doing it and it will just annoy me. However, he is good about putting them away.
When he does things without my asking or my only having to ask once I always thank him. I'm a big fan of positive reinforcement, I think it's just more effective.
Early in our living together my DH (then fiance) said, "I will never walk by the counter and think, 'wow- I should wipe that down' If you want me to do something, you have to tell me, or leave a note."
Although I never want to feel naggy or like I'm parenting him, I really do have to tell hiim what needs to be done- and he's usually pretty good about doing it. Lately though as I'm getting visibly HUGE and uncomfortable, he has started asking what if there is anything that he can do- it's a nice change
Earlier this week I was totally overwhelmed with all the stooping and cooking and general bustling around. I finally looked up and yelled "Help!" This worked.
He doesn't know what you can or can't do. Heck, I barely know what my limits are. Just be sensitive and honest. I wouldn't expect him to predict your difficulties.