when to tell 2.5 yr old about deployment?

SarahTx5701 · April 2011

Dh will be back and forth twice for traning and then gone for good. When and how do I tell ds what's going on?

Do you just say daddys going to work?

we'll be moving in with my parents so they can help out so he'll be distracted a bit but he'll know something is up.

what did you do?

sweetpea2003 · April 2011

My DD will be 22 months when my husband deploys. We are going to keep it simple, but we will be telling her that daddy has to go away for awhile. She has no concept of time, so we will be very simple about the language we use.

We also have the Elmo deployment DVD. We haven't watched it yet buy I have heard that it is very good at explaining deployment to very young children. You can get the DVD from your support organization (in the Navy it is Fleet and Family Support... not sure what it is called in other branches).

leslie13510 · April 2011

I just tell/told my kids, "Daddy has to go to work for a long time to help people that need him. He loves you very much, and he wants to be here with you, but he has to go help other people right now." They usually respond back along the lines of, "Oh ok, daddy work. He help people. Love you Daddy!" and that's the extent of that conversation. They do occasionally get upset still (in the beginning it was all.the.time. especially for DS), but they've accepted it much better than I ever could have imagined.

As for when to tell him, I think it depends on the kid. If you think telling him in advance will just make him really sad and withdrawn from your H, then wait until maybe a day or two before he leaves. If you think he would do better with some preparation on what to expect, then do that.

JLAElliott · April 2011

DD was 2.5 when DH deployed. I've always just used the 'he's at work' and that was good enough for her. We'd blow kisses to the stars at night and thats when she'd say 'good night daddy' ect.. Once DH started posting pictures she could see where he was and she'd say 'he's working on the dirt road'.. That was good enough for her. I didn't want to confuse her with too much info. We tried to keep it short and sweet.

Good luck! I hope time flies for you!

mysticl · April 2011

Do you work, or plan on going back to work while your child is still young? If you do I would avoid telling your child that "Daddy is at work". A friend of mine told her youngest that. Then when she went back to work she told her youngest that she (Mommy) had to go to work and the kid freaked out because Daddy went to work and didn't come home for 6 months. So the next time they told her that "Daddy is on the boat".

JENandJEH · April 2011

We did NOT say Daddy was going to work for a long time because I didn't want him to freak out when Daddy came home and went back into work. We told him that Daddy was going on a very long trip with some of his friends. For R&R, I just told him that Daddy got to come visit us for a little while but that he would have to go back and he did fine. We're coming up on the end now and since he's older, he's understanding a bit more and knows that soldiers are coming home.

NSL · April 2011

We've explained H's deployment as "going to work" but with the added explanation that his work is too far away for him to come home. Our son hasn't had any problems understanding that line of reasoning, and hasn't worried that I won't come home from work because Daddy hasn't.

leslie13510 · April 2011

JENandJEH:
We did NOT say Daddy was going to work for a long time because I didn't want him to freak out when Daddy came home and went back into work. We told him that Daddy was going on a very long trip with some of his friends. For R&R, I just told him that Daddy got to come visit us for a little while but that he would have to go back and he did fine. We're coming up on the end now and since he's older, he's understanding a bit more and knows that soldiers are coming home.

Meh, I'm honestly not too worried about it at this age. At less than 2, maybe it would be an issue, but even now they understand the difference between "Daddy is at work for a long time helping people," and, "Mommy has to go work for a few hours but I'll be back soon." They know that their grandmas and grandpas go to work during the day which is why we can only talk to them in the evenings. They know that we can't go see certain friends during the days because their moms are at work, but they'll be home that evening. When DH gets home we'll just take the kids down to the troop offices, explain that this is Daddy's new work, and make sure to tell them when he leaves in the mornings (or when they wake up since he leaves so early) that Daddy is at his new work but he'll be home later that day.

MyHusbandMyHero · April 2011

You can get some great books and the DVD previously mentioned from your Family Readiness Center. Also militaryonesource.com has some great stuff too! here is the link to get the Elmo DVD from militaryonesource.com..

https://www.militaryonesource.com/MOS/FindInformation/Category/Topic/Issue/Material.aspx?MaterialID=15854.

GL! <3

when to tell 2.5 yr old about deployment?

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