Baby Sleeping arrangements - Nursery or Parent's Room??

BeesKneesMommy · April 2011

I'm not due till the end of June with our first child, but I am trying to decide about the sleeping arrangements for the baby.

I will not be working and my husband will be. The nursery is right next to our bedroom. I am vacillating between buying a bassinet to keep in our bedroom or not. I am worried that this will just disrupt my husband's sleep and there is no sense in both of us being sleep deprived all the time (if all the stories are true about lack of sleep with new babies).

I have read differing opinions on the subject, but would like to know the thoughts of other moms who have had this experience. I know the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends the baby sleep in the same room as the parents for the first few months of life, but have also heard many parents praise the development of separate room sleeping habits right away. I have also heard many new moms say they simply could not sleep with the baby in the same room because babies make a lot of noise and the moms were on high alert to each noise.

mbritto4 · April 2011

My LO will likely be in her room early on since I had PPD with DD I likely will with this LO. DD being in my room gave me horrible nightmares, we both slept better when she was in her crib at a week old. Me because I'd stop having nightmares where I'd have to check her in the PnP, her because I'd stop waking her up to make sure she was breathing...

hellopoppyseed · April 2011

We did a little of both. With DS1, he slept in our room in the PnP bassinet for 6 weeks. My DH was not home for that so it didn't bother him. When DH came home, he moved ds to his crib in his room because I was hearing every sound ds1 made and not really sleeping. With DS2, we lived in a different house with a much bigger master bedroom and ds2 slept in his real crib in our room for 3 months. I was much less tuned in to his every sound as a second time mother and he seemed to be less of a wiggler. I nursed him while sitting in our bed. Even though DH was sleeping, it was much less isolating to have DH there. I think you may start with one arrangement and then progress to another. I would NOT worry about bad habits or establishing the right set up at first. Just do what's easiest.

sourapplemartini · April 2011

I couldn't sleep with DD in our room. I was too paranoid listening for her breathing. DS slept in our bed for a little while, because it was the way we slept the best, but was in his own room most of the time by 4 or 5 weeks old. I was a teensy bit selfish b/c he slept longer stretches when he was in bed with me, so that's why we kept him there

mandymack · April 2011

Well, we started out in the living room with me on the couch and Emily in her vibrating chair (she needed the movement, noise, and being upright) for 3 weeks because my tear was so bad and the recovery was so difficult that I could NOT get in/out of my own bed (it was too high). Dh stayed in our bed but was up every time Emily cried and needed a feeding - he was just as alert as me and became a light-sleeper and really just wanted to help with burping, changing, and getting her back to sleep.

Then, I was finally able to get in/out of our bed but was so exhausted, breastfeeding around the clock, that I HAD to have Emily next to our bed, in her bassinet until she was 8 weeks old. She began STTN before she was 3 months old and was on a feeding schedule so, we moved her to her crib with no adjustment issues or problems. We moved the sound machine from our room into hers and kept a fan on in her room (it was hot anyway) for air circulation.

It was truly perfect and DH wouldn't have it any other way.

Yes, he had to work and yes, he was exhausted but he wanted to be involved as much as he could and I'm glad he told me so that I knew what to do. I suggest asking him and maybe just going with the flow once baby arrives.

GL in your final months of pregnancy!

lms_bride · April 2011

We had the same setup as you. I was staying home full time and my husband (after the first week or two) was working full time. Our babies (have 2 now) both slept in our room for the first several weeks. Son #1 went into his own room at 3 weeks. I really liked this approach. It was hard the first night, but it allowed my husband to sleep better, and frankly I slept better too because I didn't hear every little noise the baby made (babies are noisy when they sleep!). Of course we had a monitor, so when he needed me, I went to his room and changed him, fed him, whatever needed to be done, without waking my husband too much (he'd usually wake when the crying started but go back to sleep). I thought this was ideal. I agree, both of us do not need to be up all night, especially if he has to be working and earning money!

For son #2, he was in our room for the first 3 months, but this was only because we were preparing to move and didn't have a dedicated bedroom for him.

If the baby's room is next to yours, I'd keep him/her in your room for a couple weeks and then move him/her to their crib. You could always buy an inexpensive pack n play for this time period that has the bassinet feature. You will need something like this when you travel anyway, so its a worthwhile investment. We found one without any bells/whistles by Graco for less than $100.

aundraya · April 2011

I let my DD sleep in her own crib from the day we came home from the hospital, but when we moved into my parents house for a few months while my husband was in boot camp, she often slept in the bed with me. Between the two, I preferred her being in her own bed. To this day I don't sleep at all if she's in the bed with us. I also know my husband is an extremely hard sleeper, and I was always worried he would roll over on her. Sure enough, one night when she was about 3 months old he rolled over on her arm, and her screams woke me up but not him. I shoved him off her, and no harm was done, but the next morning he didn't even remember it happening. That was the last time she slept with both of us while he was home.

On the other hand, my sister is currently going the attachment parenting route, and she loves having her LO in the bed. I guess it all depends on you and your situation. Try them both for a week and see how it works. GL.

PS-Either way, you're going to lose sleep lol.

Cherryblossoms07 · April 2011

Just from experience I would not sleep some where else with LO. I was so worried about DD disrupting DH's sleep that I slept in another room with DD until she was about 3 months old and sleeping through the night. I started a very bad habit with DH. He was totally willing to help in the beginning but after not being expected to help at night, he totally refuses to help at night now because he "knows" I can handle it. Your husband may be totally different, but I wish I had put some of the responsibility on him to begin with.

kcisthebombdotcom · April 2011

Personally, I would sleep with baby in a bassinet for the first few months. It is so much easier (especially if you're nursing) to just reach over and get baby in their bassinet as opposed to getting out of bed, getting them out of their crib, feeding them, and putting them back to sleep. They are up so frequently in the early months. You cant create any bad habits with a newborn, so if you dont put them to sleep in their crib immediately, it's not like you will have a tough transition if you choose to have baby in your room for the first month or 2.

JOEBunny · April 2011

I had DS in the room with us. After DS woke up the 1st time at night, DH would go sleep in DS's room, until we took the double bed out of it, then upstairs to guest room. With DD, she slept in the nursery off our bedroom, but I would take her down to her actual room and sleep in the twin bed in her room. It just didn't work well to do that for DS for no particular reason other than the layout of our house and the flow of noise and the fact that my DH could not sleep though a butterfly making a breeze.

htuzzi324 · April 2011

DS is in our room in a bassinet at least until he is STTN. I have a hard time sleeping, so getting back to sleep after a feeding is super important. The less i have to move, the easier it is for me to fall back asleep. The first few nights I was tuned in to every little noise, but now I only wake up if he starts whimpering.

mabma80 · April 2011

I stay home and my DH works. We have a bassinet in our room (and have with all our kids) and it's never bothered him. He likes it actually. The nursery is just down the hallway so it's not far, but it's just for convience. It would be the same scenerio if you had the baby in their room and had the monitor right next to you. You'd still wake up to every little noise they made. At least if they are in your room, you wont stumble in the hallway trying to get to them.

memali26 · April 2011

DD was in our room in her P'n'P for the first 6 months, then went to her crib in her own room with no problems (she had been napping in her crib for about a month by then). DH and I both preferred having her close when she was younger. The first week or so I had trouble sleeping through her noises, but I got used to them quickly and really enjoyed having her sleeping near us. We will probably keep this LO in our room for about the same length of time, in part for the closeness again and in part to give us time to transition DD out of the crib.

Emcat1980@yahoo.com · April 2011

H and I were both working full time when DS was born (I had 10 weeks of maternity leave). DS was very finicky - he only slept while being held, nursed A LOT at night. Although it was not something we'd set out intending to do, we ended up bed sharing and it has worked great for our family. So great he is STILL in our bed, actually. Stick out tongue I know this sounds like a nightmare for a lot of parents, but we like this set up.

With new baby on the way, we are moving a week after baby is due, so we'll have DS in our bed and new baby in a co-sleeper next to the bed until we get settled in the new house. At that point we'll work on getting DS into his own room, and just see how the new baby sleeps. If he/she is a great sleeper, I don't mind keeping him/her in the cosleeper, but we'll bedshare if we need to.

I personally say just play it by ear, trying to take both your H's needs and your baby's needs (and yours obviously) into account.

HarrietNJMommy · April 2011

All 3 kids have started out in our room in a bassinet. We moved the girls at 2 months old, and DS at 6 months old (that's when we got around to finishing his room! LOL!)

My DH is a light sleeper to begin with, so any noises over a monitor would have woken him up anyway........

GL whatever you decide!

mrsfirefly · April 2011

My nursery is literally connected to our bedroom and I thought for sure that we would use the nursery and the crib from the first night. The first thing we did when we got home from the hospital was set up the PNP bassinet next to my side of the bed. Emotionally, I just couldn't have my tiny baby that far away from me. She slept in the bassinet or a RNP or even in our bed until 5 months. My next baby will definitely be in my room for a good while. Next time around I will either just use the RNP and skip the PNP or buy a more traditional bassinet that takes up less space.

HarrietNJMommy · April 2011

Cherryblossoms07:
Just from experience I would not sleep some where else with LO. I was so worried about DD disrupting DH's sleep that I slept in another room with DD until she was about 3 months old and sleeping through the night. I started a very bad habit with DH. He was totally willing to help in the beginning but after not being expected to help at night, he totally refuses to help at night now because he "knows" I can handle it. Your husband may be totally different, but I wish I had put some of the responsibility on him to begin with.

DH has never helped at night while I've been BFing, but once the kids started STTN (all of them around 1 year old), it was his turn to be "on duty". He is the one who wakes up with the kids now. He never started out with any responsibility and it has worked out fine for us.

MeganColleen · April 2011

Our DD stayed in our room with us for the first three months in a rock n play sleeper- it just gave me peace of mind to hear her breathing and I was able to look over and see that she was okay in the middle of the night. It was also much easier for me to breastfeed every three hours because I just had to reach over and get her, not get up and walk down the hall. When she was three months old it was important for us to get into a routine so she moved into her crib in her own room.

Really, any way you're comfortable is completely fine. I was a very anxious new mom and would have been 100 times worse had DD stayed in her room from the very beginning. She slept in our room for my sanity more than anything.

Daisy77 · April 2011

DS and DD#2 both slept in our room in a bassinet until they slept through the night for a few weeks (around 3-4 months old). I found it much easier to have everything right there only a few feet away. We kept a small light on the table near the bassinet to mix a bottle (powder with room temperature water), diapers and such under the bassinet to do a diaper change if needed.

DH and I switched off, even though he was working (only exception was plow nights, he'd be exhausted.) We felt the arrangement kept feedings low key with less moving around, less lights, etc. so baby went right back to sleep and so would whoever did the feeding.

Megan.10.06 · April 2011

We had a pnp set up and he would sleep in that - and would be in our bed before the end of the night. We ended up buying a snuggleNest at Marshalls for $20 and kept him between us. This time, since Cole still comes in to our bed when he wakes in the middle of the night, we are borrowing a bassinet - he's in our bed whenever he is sick or teething, guaranteed. Then he goes right back to STTN.

The baby is going to make the same amount of noise whether he is next to you or the monitor is, so don't worry about the husband. Being a new parent is a LOT of work You'll be able to tend to the baby at night, and if there is a reason that you can't get the baby quiet, you can always go to their room later. In the beginning though, right after the physical trauma of giving birth, you'll want to plan for moving as little as possible. I also had issues BFing, so I was pumping - I would pump, then feed Cole, then wake Chris to put Cole back to bed while I washed my pump parts and took any milk to the fridge, only to do it again in another hour!

I couldn't have done the beginning myself - give yourself a break if you need help, just because you are at home doesn't mean you don't have one heck of a demanding job!

jenifairies · April 2011

dh and i were much more comfortable with dd in our room. we moved her at 6m.

as for your 'why should his sleep be disturbed' comment - while i really hope you're blessed with a wonderful sleeper, in most cases this is just not fair to you or realistic. you'll be up every couple hours (dd was on the boob an hour, off for one allll night for the first 6weeks or so), and trust, you'll need your rest just as much if not more than he does. your job as carer-of-the-baby requires rest and sleep as well. not trying to be all 'just you wait' but i was very martyr-istic and unrealistic with my post-baby expectations and once she was here and reality hit, i hated my dh when he was sleeping. HATED. when he would snore i'd want to punch him in the face or smother him with the pillow. when he would hand dd to me to feed and he'd change her diaper, i didn't hate him. lol

i was actually on higher alert with her in the other room - my ear was glued to the monitor. i slept better with her with me in our room.

jenifairies · April 2011

Oh, and I'm fairly certain I had ppd, but never realized it... a contributor to the problem was I felt like it was my responsibility to do everything because he worked, and it created a dynamic where I *had* to do everything because he thought I was better at it, and I didn't trust anyone else with her.

Basically what I'm saying is, go with the flow and do what works best for you and your family. Everyone's child, family dynamic, and issues are different - I just wanted to share my experience.

wifeandmama · April 2011

Our first was in our room for 11 months. Our second is still in our room. We like it that way, he still nurses at night, and it works for us. You should just make that call when the baby comes. You never knowwhat will work.

Kaiterz · April 2011

Our LO started out in our room. We discussed it beforehand and were both comfortable w/ it. We originally planned for her to be w/ us (in a Rock n Play) for 3 months but it wound up being about 5 months. We were both OK w/ that, but towards the end MH was hinting that it was time to transition.

There were a handful of nights where MH woke up but he has no problems with falling back asleep. I BF so it limited the amount of commotion; I would just pull her into bed w/ me. If I FF I would def keep bottles of water, formula and baby bottles on the night stand.

I always took her to her room for middle of the night diaper changes. The arrangement worked well for us. But once she was transitioned to her room, she (and us) def slept better. I will try to stick to the 3 month goal more seriously next time.

rubber_chicken · April 2011

I would buy the bassinet with the plan of returning it if not used.

A lot of people plan to cosleep, and then the baby squirms and wiggles and just doesn't sleep well - some parents and babies just keep waking each other up and no one sleeps.

Other people plan to use a nursery and say they'll never cosleep, and then they end up cosleeping.

You won't know until your baby is here and shows you his/her personality and needs. I think this is one of those things that it's best to go with the flow.

BeesKneesMommy · April 2011

This is exactly the advice I needed! I got a good laugh at jenifairies reply in particular because it was so candid, and I can see where that situation could very possibly be the case.

I have all these ideas about what this process should be like, but the reality of it will likely be quite different, so I should take a more go with the flow approach.

Thanks!

stella_blu · April 2011

DD slept in a pack n play in our room for about 4 months. I think I'd move her a little earlier if I had it to do over again but was happy she was in our room. I barely woke up to nurse her! We did side-lying nursing a lot and it was really perfect for us but she was noisy at first.

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Baby Sleeping arrangements - Nursery or Parent's Room??

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