Today's NIAW FB Post

Nature Lover · April 2011

This week is National Infertility Awareness Week (NIAW) and I am taking the opportunity to educate people about infertility myths that just are not true! Today's Myth: If you adopt you will get pregnant.

(I put the resolve infertility etiquette link again) https://www.resolve.org/support-and-services/for-family--friends/infertility-etiquette.html

and then in two comments:

The reality is that adoption is not a cure for infertility. It is a family building option that you should go into because you want to adopt, not because you want to get pregnant. Adoption is an amazing and beautiful thing, and should be treated that way, not like it is your second choice. Yes I know everyone has a story about Aunt Susie's second cousin's niece who adopted from Russia and next thing you know, she was pregnant. This is not the norm! By definition infertile people can not get pregnant. Yes, there are sometimes surprises - but adoption does not make them happen!

I should also add that for many couples, adoption is not a simple subsitute for having a biological child and most infertile couples who can not conceive will need to grieve the loss of that baby who would have had mommy's nose and daddy's eyes before they can even consider adoption. The decision to create a family (or expand a family), and the decision about how to do that (conceive, adopt, fertility treatments, etc.) is a very private decision for a couple. A comment such as "why don't you just adopt" from a well meaning friend to an infertile couple is very painful becaue it trivializes their very real struggle.

Bella2u07 · April 2011

Yes

I might have to borrow this for tomorrow. Big Smile

MerryMarisa · April 2011

Love this! Yes

Nature Lover · April 2011

Thanks ladies. I stole the first part of the first paragraph from someone (the Beading Lady maybe???)

This posting statuses has been interesting. Yesterday I put my post (not outing myself but clearly showing a very intimate knowledge about IF so people probably figured it out) and it was like you could hear crikcets. Nobody posted a single comment. Then slowly people started commenting. But clearly people who also had a very intimate knowledge of IF (one I jsut happen to know has a grandchild thanks to IUI), and a few women who even talked openly about their struggles and how they ended up with their beautiful children.

So today Ipost this one. Again with teh crickets! Hopefully people are reading and processing and jsut afraid to say the wrong thing. And hopefully that will drive them to the Resolve IF etiquette link. I am very happy there is such a thing as NIAW.

Bella2u07 · April 2011

Nature Lover:
Thanks ladies. I stole the first part of the first paragraph from someone (the Beading Lady maybe???)

This posting statuses has been interesting. Yesterday I put my post (not outing myself but clearly showing a very intimate knowledge about IF so people probably figured it out) and it was like you could hear crikcets. Nobody posted a single comment. Then slowly people started commenting. But clearly people who also had a very intimate knowledge of IF (one I jsut happen to know has a grandchild thanks to IUI), and a few women who even talked openly about their struggles and how they ended up with their beautiful children.

So today Ipost this one. Again with teh crickets! Hopefully people are reading and processing and jsut afraid to say the wrong thing. And hopefully that will drive them to the Resolve IF etiquette link. I am very happy there is such a thing as NIAW.

I am getting the crickets from ppl who don't know about your IF...oh well. At least I am posting info and they can read it if they want.

I am happy that there is NIAW too!!!!

JackieMac824 · April 2011

I used a version of this in my status today - thank you.

Tanya+Da · April 2011

this is just so so wonderful.

AuburnBride06 · April 2011

Nature Lover:
This week is National Infertility Awareness Week (NIAW) and I am taking the opportunity to educate people about infertility myths that just are not true! Today's Myth: If you adopt you will get pregnant.

(I put the resolve infertility etiquette link again) https://www.resolve.org/support-and-services/for-family--friends/infertility-etiquette.html

and then in two comments:

The reality is that adoption is not a cure for infertility. It is a family building option that you should go into because you want to adopt, not because you want to get pregnant. Adoption is an amazing and beautiful thing, and should be treated that way, not like it is your second choice. Yes I know everyone has a story about Aunt Susie's second cousin's niece who adopted from Russia and next thing you know, she was pregnant. This is not the norm! By definition infertile people can not get pregnant. Yes, there are sometimes surprises - but adoption does not make them happen!

I should also add that for many couples, adoption is not a simple subsitute for having a biological child and most infertile couples who can not conceive will need to grieve the loss of that baby who would have had mommy's nose and daddy's eyes before they can even consider adoption. The decision to create a family (or expand a family), and the decision about how to do that (conceive, adopt, fertility treatments, etc.) is a very private decision for a couple. A comment such as "why don't you just adopt" from a well meaning friend to an infertile couple is very painful becaue it trivializes their very real struggle.

Thanks for posting! And thank you for trying to get the word out! It is definitely not a second choice. It's not a settlement or a consolation prize until the "real thing" (I despise this saying and anything else related to it) comes along. It is a beautiful, miraculous thing. It's still gives me chills to think how many place their babies, who they love very much, to give them a better life AND to give back life to people like DH & I. Especially in a world that contains such selfishness & meanness. That is such a miracle to me.

I HATE when people say to us, "oh well now watch, you will get pregnant". It makes me so, so angry. I do not want to get pregnant. I do not need to get pregnant. I have all I need. Finally, I feel whole again. Besides the statement being incredibly rude, what is it exactly that magically fixed my body's problem with not ovulating or keeping babies alive?

And I agree it is such a personal decision and is a very real grieving process. I am still shocked and in awe of the fact that at one point in my life I thought it would be the end of the world not to have a bio kid or be pregnant. A point where I would have rather died then not have that. Now none of that means anything to me. I just can't imagine ever not wanting him. But some won't come around to the place that I came to and will rule it out as an option. And that's ok. And some go to adoption right away, deciding against infertility treatments. And that's ok too. The only wrong choice is a choice that is wrong for you. For me, I could not choose to not be a mom. THAT is what I could not have lived with. It would have been the total wrong choice for me. But boy did it take lots of tears and a whole lot of anger to realize that.

And there is no "just adopt". That crap statement makes light of everything and everyone involved in infertility and adoption. I too have noticed people slowly "coming out of the woodwork", but for the most part, people just dont care to understand.

MarriedinCali · April 2011

I think this will go on my FB tonight- thanks for the post!

kimberic · April 2011

I love this! I hope you won't mind if I post it in my FB status. I know I have a few people on my friends list that probably think we should have 'just adopted'.

I've been getting crickets too. People either think I've lost it or they are afraid to say anything.

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