Working/busy mom tips/tricks.

ladipale · April 2011

3 weeks in and I feel like I may very well drown. I desperately need helps and tips on how you make things run smoothly and balanced.

What one tip would you give a busy mom to help the household run smoothly.

Mine would be to shower at night!

rozee_tee · April 2011

Make time for yourself!

It might sound selfish but it's so necessary. I learned (3 years later) that our house is much happier now that I make time for myself. It also helped my DH realize how much more he could help with.

ladipale · April 2011

rozee_tee:
Make time for yourself!

It might sound selfish but it's so necessary. I learned (3 years later) that our house is much happier now that I make time for myself. It also helped my DH realize how much more he could help with.

yeah, I've been going to yoga a few times a week, but I'm finding that feels like the first thing to get crossed off the to do list when i'm stressed and busy, even though thats the time i need it most.

alibee09 · April 2011

Mine: don't single parent if you can help it. That is, don't let your spouse NOT help, if they are in a position to do so. They're a parent too.

My.ABC.Life · April 2011

Get a house cleaner. Seriously. Worth ALL the $$ and sacrafices of coffees, dinners out, etc.

And a few others... cause I can't resist.

When you get home, walk in the door and play with your kid - even if just for 5 min before you are off to cook dinner, etc. It will make you BOTH feel better!!

Meal plan. Try cooking/preping dishes on Sunday, it makes me less stressed throughout the week.

ASK FOR HELP!! I am the worst at asking my DH for help. I run myself RAGGED before I finally end up in a ball of tears and finally ask him for help.

bubbs147 · April 2011

Plan. Plan everything. And schedule. My day is scheduled down to the minute, and I follow a routine (for myself, up at the same time, workout the same time, shower, eat, etc). But I'm a total creature of habit, so it works for me.

Meal planning is a huge help!

ladipale · April 2011

alibee09:
Mine: don't single parent if you can help it. That is, don't let your spouse NOT help, if they are in a position to do so. They're a parent too.

also a good one. just today john offered to pick E up from daycare and i said no. ugh, why?

ladipale · April 2011

My.ABC.Life:
Get a house cleaner. Seriously. Worth ALL the $$ and sacrafices of coffees, dinners out, etc.

And a few others... cause I can't resist.

When you get home, walk in the door and play with your kid - even if just for 5 min before you are off to cook dinner, etc. It will make you BOTH feel better!!

Meal plan. Try cooking/preping dishes on Sunday, it makes me less stressed throughout the week.

ASK FOR HELP!! I am the worst at asking my DH for help. I run myself RAGGED before I finally end up in a ball of tears and finally ask him for help.

Good ones A! We cancelled house cleaner just before E arrived, but are going to bring them back.

I've always been a big meal planner, so thats a no brainer for me.

My.ABC.Life · April 2011

ladipale:
Good ones A! We cancelled house cleaner just before E arrived, but are going to bring them back.

OMG - bring them back!! In an eoffrt to save $$ DH recently suggested we get rid of ours... and he could pick up the extra chores. YEAH RIGHT!?!

tri-reader · April 2011

Reiterating a few of what other posters said.

Have DH help out whenever you can.

Sunday we plan all of our meals for the week and shop for the whole week that day.

Our household chores go by the wayside. Usually we squeeze in cleaning/laundry etc when we can. After kids bedtime etc.

We do cook every night, when we only had one child and she was young, one took care of the baby while the other cooked dinner. Now our kids hang out in the kitchen and "help" or the non-chef of the night takes the kids for a walk/play in the backyard etc.

Once you get into a routine it gets easier. We've got ours down and it works for us. Hopefully you find ways to make your weekdays easier.

danandkelly · April 2011

My biggest tip is:

Everything doesn't have to be perfect! If baby goes to daycare in pjs that's fine, if you don't stay 100% on top of laundry, that's okay. If you have to get take out a few times a week to feel sane, it's alright. You don't have to do it all, just do what is important to you and other things will wait.

And, if that's not your thing, simple dinners has been key for us, on week days I don't make anything that takes more than 30 minutes from start to finish.

Lexi & Orion's Mommy · April 2011

nothing is perfect. laundry will never be done, and babies really grow up too fast.

f&s2006 · April 2011

My.ABC.Life:
Get a house cleaner. Seriously. Worth ALL the $$ and sacrafices of coffees, dinners out, etc.

Ditto this 100000 times....

pink.dutch.tulips · April 2011

Get everything you might need for the next day ready the night before Don't be afraid to ask for help A spare diaper bag in the car 24/7 is a godsend

Mrs.Wubbin · April 2011

I tend to purge my environment when I feel like things are getting a bit too chaotic- less stuff means fewer things to keep track of. I also try to identify the times of the day when I feel the most overwhelmed and I brainstorm solutions or new routines that will help me feel less overwhelmed. For example, I realized that bedtime was extremely stressful for me when Eloise was a baby. I tried to figure out what it was about bedtime that stressed me out so much and I realized that bedtime lasted 2 hours which ate up my whole night. I started showering with Eloise (which was one less thing for me to do later, plus it helped relax us both) then DH grabbed her and got her lotioned and in jammies while I did my post-shower routine. Then I rocked and nursed her and put her to bed. After she was in bed, I made sure to be DONE will all things productive. I need time to relax so when she is in bed, I am off duty too. Good luck!

Mrs.BoomBoom · April 2011

1) delegate. Make sure DH has some jobs. I BF while he dresses. He dresses and entertains Q while I get dressed.

2) Do as much at night as you can (or delegate to DH) Personally, I don't function well without a shower in the AM but I get all the lunches and bottles packed so I can just grab and go

3) Learn your kid. Q takes a long time to wake up so I can get up and take a shower after he's started to rouse. He sometimes even goes back to sleep.

AnyaBella · April 2011

My.ABC.Life:
Get a house cleaner. Seriously. Worth ALL the $$ and sacrafices of coffees, dinners out, etc.

omg, this!! I'm not even a working mom, but this seriously saved my life! I felt like I was drowning. She comes once a month to do the deep cleaning and it takes so much of the pressure off.

Mrs.BoomBoom · April 2011

ladipale:
just today john offered to pick E up from daycare and i said no. ugh, why?

I think it was really helpful that DH did all drop offs. It helped me emotionally as well as with the time. Leaving him was always hard.

That brings me to my other hint...when you're home, be at home. When you're at work, be at work. I can't call and check in during the day because it destroys me emotionally...whether he's doing great without me or having a rough day where he could use me.

m&m818 · April 2011

Honestly, my best tip is to just not let the stress to get to you and lower your expectations. Its gonna take a good 3-6 months to get in your groove. Until about 7 months I was in a fog, and I really don't think I actually produced much at work. I was happy to just show up on time, dressed with the same colored shoes, and a clean shirt.

There were a few things that became very important to me: working out, cooking healthy meals, beer and hanging out with the LO. If you need to do Yoga to be feel sane, then do it. But don't expect that you'll be able to do everything else... and really thats OK. Your hormones are still going to be a roller coaster for awhile too so if you need to cry, just go for it. I cried in the shower.

I think thats why parents started throwing this over the top 1st year birthdays: to celebrate survivng the first year because it is TOUGH.

Hang in there! You are doing great.

My.ABC.Life · April 2011

AnyaBella:
omg, this!! I'm not even a working mom, but this seriously saved my life! I felt like I was drowning. She comes once a month to do the deep cleaning and it takes so much of the pressure off.

I think there are a lot of tips in this post that can be for ALL moms!

Mrs.K&C · April 2011

First, you're at a stage when it is very hard - baby is very high needs right now, and that does get easier. A lot easier. That said, the biggest, hugest most important? Already said, get DH to carry his load. DH drops off, I pick up. That's huge. Run errands during lunch if you can. Plan, plan, plan. We have groceries delivered on the weekend most of the time. Haven't got a house keeper yet but it's definitely on the list. If you can swing it financially, it will be great especially when you want to spend the weekends doing fun stuff with your kids, not cleaning house and going to the grocery store. Also, like danandkelly said, meals are easy. Weeknight meals are 30 min tops, and most of that needs to be cooking time. And, give yourself a pat on the back because it can be really tough to juggle it all, especially when you aren't getting enough sleep. You're doing great. Don't take it all on. Get help wherever you can.

leverby · April 2011

My one tip: On Sunday, I lay out what the bean is going to wear the rest of the week on top of her dresser. One less thing to think about in the mornings and makes it foolproof for to DH to pick an outfit (he does most of the changing while I shower)

I also changed two habits I iinitally didn't want to; hiring housecleaners (I was of the camp of why pay someone else to do it), but this has been a HUGE load off my shoulders. And, letting go of cooking made-from-scratch dinners that were prep or cook time intensive. I still insist on cooking healthy homemade dinners, but I was much saner once I ditched my old recipes for fast low/no prep recipes. I also made use of frozen pre-cut veggies and frozen brown rice, a lot.

michelcreek · April 2011

Routine. It's the biggest time saver. The kids know the morning and evening routines and there are no arguments or tears, we give them heads up (5 minutes till stories/bed, etc.) and it's great. We get out the door for school in literally in 15 minutes if we're in a hurry - that's dressed, breakfast and brush teeth.

danandkelly · April 2011

I wanted to add, that running errands on lunch is key! I try to do as much as I can on lunch, or right after work if I can get Dan to pick up the kids. If I can run to target/safeway/WF etc on the way home it's one thing off my list of to dos.

Getting dh to pull his weight is huge too. You are still in the period of being needed by E more than dh, so it's time for him to learn to cook. The food might not be as good as what you'd make but it's dinner and it's not your last meal. Getting Dan to cook was huge for us, and it turned out he really liked it. Also, try to stay on top of the things that don't take much effort....they can help you to feel like you're really accomplishing something. Even throwing in a load of laundry right when you get home, and then getting it in the dryer before bed, is good....it's one more thing off the list.

But above all else, make sure you're not putting the chores before spending time with the kiddo. It seems important to stay on top of everything, but the chores will wait, and in the blink of an eye your little baby is not so little anymore.

ladipale · April 2011

Thanks everyone. Yesterday was a particularly bad day for me, after a busy weekend it just felt like too much. And, of course, E did not have a good day at school yesterday She is still struggling with the bottle and not napping well. Its making me feel like I've made the wrong choice going back to work.

John is an amazing partner in this, he knows he needs to help and wants to help, I just need to let him more.

pink.dutch.tulips · April 2011

one thing you have to do as a parent is learn to let go. when dd was little, h used to watch her a couple days a week. did he do everything the same way i did ? NO ! did i expect him to ? NO ! the 2 of them developed their own little groove and i realized that as long as she was happy, clean, fed and had a nap - it was a success regardless of HOW it all happened.

let john handle some of the baby stuff and let them develop their own little groove while you get your stuff done. it's a win-win-win situation.

ladipale · April 2011

pink.dutch.tulips:
one thing you have to do as a parent is learn to let go. when dd was little, h used to watch her a couple days a week. did he do everything the same way i did ? NO ! did i expect him to ? NO ! the 2 of them developed their own little groove and i realized that as long as she was happy, clean, fed and had a nap - it was a success regardless of HOW it all happened.

let john handle some of the baby stuff and let them develop their own little groove while you get your stuff done. it's a win-win-win situation.

yeah, she's been trying to teach me to let go since the end of my pregnancy and her birth.. but i haven't gotten the message quite yet. Its a daily struggle.

I'm surprisingly good at letting John do stuff associated with E, its all the rest of the stuff that floats in my head. And I feel so bad asking John to help bc he's busy and stressed at work, and I feel like he doesn't care if the laundry isn't done, so if its bothering me, its on me to do it. (even though this is not the case, he just told me so this morning. if its bothering me, its bothering him)

quesarah · April 2011

Best money I ever spent was getting a housekeeper. While yes, it costs, it frees up so much time for me to be with DH and A. And no more arguments about cleaning between DH and I.

futrkingsley · April 2011

You've gotten great tips already. I still haven't done a house cleaner yet, but DH just asked for one the other day. Which cracks me up since our house is the cleanest it's been since before DS was born. Ha!

Anyway, my tip is about bottle prep. I was still pumping at that stage and bottle prep was stressing me out. I pumped into 2 oz bottles back then and then at some point each night I'd make the bottles DS drank the next day (which were born free brand), and wash and prep my pump stuff. Keeping a supply of clean bottles was too much so I did what any sane person would do and bought more. I bought enough so that if we didn't wash any bottles at all for three days, we'd still have enough. And then I got pump adapters so I could pump directly into the bottles he drank. One tiny victory that made my days much better.

Good luck sorting it all out.

yosemite · April 2011

Hi! It's Erica/Yosemite...not sure what I'm logged in under right now. I think that Mrs.K&C made a great point, right now your DD is still in her newborn stage. I remember those days well. I came home from work and tried to get everything done while holding her b/c she couldn't stand to be put down. Things have gotten much easier with time, as she has become more independent. She can play while I cook, etc.

Beyond that, I always try to remember this: "the perfect is the enemy of the good." In the beginning, I tried so hard to accomplish it all that it drove me to exhaustion. It's taken me a long time to learn to give up control and be happier with a messier, imperfect but good life. And I love it. Ok...now onto the tips: meal planning (as mentioned), accepting help from my husband (surrendering the desire to do it all myself), living with some sort of mess always, having a house cleaner, and doing small amounts of chores at a time (one load of laundry a night, putting the dishes straight into the dishwasher, vacuuming one room quickly before I leave for work).

Also, downtime is a necessity. Be it yoga, swimming, reading....whatever you need to do to recharge, fight giving that up. It's easier said that done and I struggle with this constantly.

Lastly, adaptation. My first few months back at work I was exhausted 24/7. But, after a while, I built back up my stamina and things felt a little easier. You're just coming off mat leave, so it's understandable that it takes a while to get back up to full speed.

Good luck and you're doing great.

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