Cart WAY before the horse...and not my doing.
Now that DH and I are TTC, the shower issue has already been raised (again, not my doing).
Long story short, DH and I got engaged, planned a wedding and got married in a matter of 4 months since I was losing my dad and grandma to cancer. Because everything had snowballed and our wedding was out of state in my hometown, there was no time for a bridal shower.
My MIL is already talking about a baby shower the likes of which no one has ever seen bc I didn't have anything before my wedding. (Great for me I guess!) But here's where the plot thickens...
My mother and MIL despise each other. While my mother may not be supportive of showers and parties, she feels that pulling out the checkbook at the drop of a hat makes up for it. My parents had always been incredibly generous - paid for our entire wedding, and purchased all of our furniture, household stuff, tvs, etc since we didn't have showers.
My MIL still hasn't forgiven my mother for not being supportive of a last minute shower, but has never once helped DH and I out with anything for the house. In fact, I am doubtful that she will do much for our children either (and she is not strapped financially).
So my mother heard MIL talking about what a shower I'd be getting when the time comes. My mother told her to knock herself out, showers weren't her thing, etc.
Got a text from my mother weeks later telling me that she was already planning (in her head) my baby shower. My response (to everyone) has been let's focus on getting KU first and dismissing it. However, after spending Easter with the fam (babies included) the issue was raised again...ALL DAMN DAY!!!
After 6 years, they will smile and play nice in public but when alone, all bets are off. The nightmare has begun and we're not even preggers yet.
Anyone else have dueling mothers/MILs?
Re: Cart WAY before the horse...and not my doing.
Ugh! I think you did the right thing and honestly, it sounds like there's no stopping your MIL. I guess it's sweet that she wants to plan a baby shower for you but she's insane to be planning it so early.
Your mom sounds exactly like mine. My mom didn't want to throw me a baby shower because we have a small family & she said that she'd rather spend the money on stuff that I actually need instead of spending it on a party where I'd get mostly $20 gifts of diapers & clothes. My parents have been MORE than generous. They bought our crib, changing table, bouncer, clothes, etc. I've never asked for any of it and have told her to stop buying me things but she just keeps showing up at my house with more and more stuff. They also paid for the majority of the wedding (DH and I paid for the rest) & have helped us out numerous times.
My MIL doesn't understand why my mom doesn't want a shower. It's been a pretty awkward situation to be stuck in. My MIL hasn't offered to get us anything for the baby/nursery. She wants me to have a shower but doesn't want to pay for it, plan it, etc.
Anyway, just keep reiterating that while you appreciate your MIL's generosity, you want to focus on TTC and a baby shower is a LONG way off. And when the time comes... there's really no gracious way to say no to it.
Good luck with TTC!
I totally agree with this!!! Sorry that you are already having to deal with family drama, TTC can be stressful enough. Good luck!!
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
DH told his mother over lunch one day...needless to say the entire family knew about it within hours. He thinks that despite her love of gossip, she'll still keep his secrets...silly boys.
He's the single greatest thing I've done in my life and reminds me daily of how fun (and funny) life can be. He's turned out pretty swell for having such a heartless and evil mother.
God, if they're like this already, I can't imagine how it's going to be when they're fighting over the attention of their grandchild. I would tell them both to drop it, and hope like hell that when the time comes, one of my friends offers to throw me a shower.
If I were in your situation, I would be sorely tempted to tell them that I was infertile and that I didn't want to talk about it.
This. It took us almost three years to get pregnant and we had a loss in the meantime. I can't imagine the extra pressure of trying to please people who sound so incredibly self-centered. Tell them to lay off. Then focus on TTC. One thing at a time.