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Two Under 2
SeaMama
member
Mom guilt and terror
SeaMama
member
in Two Under 2
Hi ladies,
My son is 17.5 months old and DS2 is due in 2 months. I've been happy and fine throughout pregnancy but as my due date approaches I realize how much guilt I have that I'm bringing another baby home while DS1 is so young. Then I feel guilty for feeling like DS2 is some sort of nuisance or something. I think in the end i'm just terrified - my husband is a conductor for a railroad and is gone a LOT. I'm already overwhelmed at home and feel like a single mom a lot of the time and I can't keep up with the house/errands as it is since DH started travelling so much (I'm a SAHM). I don't know how on earth I'm going to do this and give both kids the attention and love and stimulation they deserve. Just venting, a little I guess - I'm too afraid to talk about these feelings to anyone around me for fear they will get all judgy and think it means I don't love my soon-to-arrive son which is obviously not the case. I'm seriously freaking out. I love being a mom and my son is the light of my life. I am worried I won't have the energy to give DS2 the same love and attention DS1 has gotten. Am I being crazy?
Just tell me it will be ok, ok? haha.
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Re: Mom guilt and terror
It will be ok. If I am completely honest, I didn't want DD2 for at least the first half of my pregnancy with her. Thinking about that makes me feel AWFUL. But by the time she arrived, I was ready, and I totally had that love-at-first-sight moment with her when she was born.
She was a lot more easygoing than DD1 at first, so she did get the shaft, and I felt guilty that she spent so much time in the swing by herself. But then there are times when she needs the attention, and DD1 gets the shaft. I think it evens out over time, and I know they won't remember it. That's one great thing about having DD2 when DD1 was so young - she already doesn't remember being an only child. And I know they will be so close.
I hope you have a good support network for when your DH is gone!
<a href="http://s5.photobucket.com/albums/y161/putalittlepolkainyourdot/?action=view
It's true what they say - when you have another child, you just love even MORE. It's going to be great. I had these same feelings, and I look back and kind of laugh that I could ever have thought DD would be anything but a blessing to DS's life. He adores his sister and when I try to take him somewhere without her, he'll ask me 100 times where his "bubbita" is (his random pet name for her). They're the best of buddies and the older they get, the more fun they are together (DS is 2 1/2, DD is 14 months).
My DH worked a ton when DD was first born and it was totally manageable. If you don't have family nearby, make some good mommy friends who will swap the occasional babysitting or errand duty with you. You'll be fine, I promise!
(read it. you know you want to.)
anderson . september 2008
vivian . february 2010
mabel . august 2012
I can relate, because I'm worried about the same things. My DD is 18 months old and I'm due in 3 months...plus my dh also travels a lot for work. I do work full-time, so I just feel like I'm not going to get to spend quality time with either of my DD's.
We've just finally got a good routine down with DD1 (even though it feels like we never have downtime or get all of the projects done around the house) and now we're adding another LO to the mix!
I'm sure it'll be crazy for awhile...but we'll adjust and it'll work out, right?
It will be ok. My DH is gone offshore for 3 wks and then is home for 3 wks. Its hard, and was very hard in the beginning, but I managed. DD slept a lot during the day and so I played with DS then and cuddled. I find its harder now that they both want my time to be held and cuddled, but we just do it all together and its sweet.
Find some great friends to help you if needed. Also get out of the house with them both even for a simple errand, being away from the house helps everyone. Focus on one day at a time and dont be so hard on yourself. DS didnt eat breakfast in his high chair for months when I was very pregnant and DD was born. He ate is dry cereal in a cup and watched videos. He was happy, so was I. Things you may not have done before will happen, but just realize it will all even out and you will get back to a new normal again.
My kids are 18 mo apart and I love it. I call myself a part time single mom. I am with them all the time, but I do hire a sitter when I need a break from them. I am only human. (I have no family nearby)
You will do great. It was scarier in my head while pg, then it was in reality.
I could've written this post myself! I'm glad to see all the responses of reassurance.
I've been really struggling as the date draws nearer, and I feel sometimes that I can't get 'excited' for DS2 because in some way I feel like I'm 'cheating' on DS1. I know, twisted. I hate to even admit how guilty I feel for rocking DS1's world, but I know that it will be fine in the long run and he'll love having a playmate. Then on the flip side I feel guilty for DS2 because it's not like he had a choice in the whole matter of a sibling, and I feel like I'm jipping him of 'me' time that DS1 had. Sometimes I think it would've been easier to deal with had DS2 been a girl, then I wouldn't have the worry like DS1 is being 'replaced'. I know in my heart of hearts though that this wouldn't have made a difference and it's crazy thinking. The whole thing is just so emotionally confusing/rollercoaster-y and draining I can't even bring myself to go there sometimes.
I'm glad to hear that I'm not alone though in the guilt. That brings some comfort in itself to know I'm not a total nutjob.
agree - it will be ok. My boys love each other and play together. My mom helps a lot, which is great.