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September 2011 Moms
SusieBW
member
If your shower is sort of late... (sort of a vent, and long)
SusieBW
member
My mom and MIL are throwing my shower, and I'm extremely grateful to them for that. I asked that they please try and plan around some of the events that are going on this summer for two of my BFF's weddings, because I was supposed to be in both of them, but because of my poor timing in getting pg, I'm not even going to be able to attend either of the weddings now, and therefore, I want to make sure that I can be a part of their bridal showers and all of that. So I asked that my baby shower be on a Sunday, and suggested sometime in July - beyond that, I just asked that they not go crazy making it a big fancy thing (which was what they did for my bridal shower, which was lovely), and that laid back might be more fun, anyway. Otherwise I'm not involved.
The date they chose is August 14. I'm due 9/9, so I'll be 36w at the time of my shower. That seems late to me, and it's going to make for a really hectic 3 weeks or so right at the end of my pregnancy, with setting up whatever gifts I get and getting the nursery ready and exchanging, if necessary, and buying whatever we still need after that. But, it's their thing, and I don't want to come off as ungrateful, so I didn't say anything about how I'm sort of stressed about it being that late. Plenty of people have showers that late and are fine, so I just shut my mouth and said thank you - I don't want to overreact, so I keep telling myself it'll be fine and I shouldn't stress.
HOWEVER, both my mom and MIL have given me a hard time for buying anything baby related in the past couple of weeks, telling me that I shouldn't be buying anything at all, because people will buy me everything I need for my shower. really? No, they won't, and it's my responsibility to make sure I'm prepared for this baby, not anyone else's. I don't really know how to respond to them, because I feel like I can't just put off getting any baby stuff until three weeks before she's born, but I don't know how to say that to them without sounding like a brat. For example, I'm trying to start buying some things like diapers and wipes now, because I'm trying to spread the expense, rather than having to bleed money all at once when she's born or in the month right before she's born. But MIL and mom are both being kind of tough on me whenever I tell them that I bought anything at all. I want the nursery pretty much done by the end of July, so I'm not all stressed out about it during that last month, but it's like mom and MIL don't want to let me do it. I understand that I will receive a lot of gifts, but I'm not going to get everything I need, so why are they so adamant that I not buy anything? I'm an excited soon-to-be mom - I want to buy baby things! but they make me feel like poop about it whenever I try and tell them that I got something. And FWIW, I've never seen anyone receive diapers as a gift at a baby shower. Ever.
Is anyone else experiencing anything like this?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: If your shower is sort of late... (sort of a vent, and long)
That's laughable! And it's doubly annoying that they expect you to not buy ANYTHING before the shower when your shower is 3-4 weeks before your due date. I would just not tell them about buying stuff, and if they ask and then comment, I would say that the last 3 weeks of your pregnancy will be pure chaos if you haven't bought anything yet, and God forbid you go into labor early.
As far as diapers, I think it's good to spread out the cost but for what it's worth, it's very common in my circle to get diapers for gifts. Guess it just varies by region and social crowd.
Married Filing Jointly Blog
I had my shower with DS at 37.5 weeks.. and he came at 39 weeks to the day.
It really wasn't a big deal.. we had the nursery ready (furniture, etc) and we still had plentry of time to exchange/return, buy more.... as long as you have the carseat installed in case baby comes early you don't need much else.
I wouldn't be stressed... you barely need anything for your newbown.. We had my family over the day we got home from the hospital and they were putting together the pack and play, swing, bouncy, etc.
I laughed later... I was all crazy about getting the nursery ready and DS slept in our room the first few months so it wasn't a big deal at all.
The only time I've seen people bring diapers to showers is in a diaper cake or when specifically asked to.
And as far as getting nursery done- go for it! I mean, you're right- you won't get everything you register for, so why not allow yourself some peace of mind with a near completed nursery?
I'd say tell em not to worry, you'll make sure there are plenty of options left on the registry and you will be sure to update it as you get things.
Wedding Anniversary: August 7th 2010 BFP: December 22nd 2010 Beautiful Little Birthday: August 30th 2011
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Eh, I think 36 weeks is kind of standard for showers. Mine was around then with Samuel. As far as buying things, some of it you could just set money aside in a baby account or something like that, to save up for diapers and whatnot rather than cluttering up your house with that stuff 6 months in advance, right? Honestly, I don't think I owned any diapers other than a few I got at the baby shower until after we came home from the hospital. Same with wipes, I got a package or two of them as gifts and that was all I had until after the boy was born. Don't forget you won't need them in the hospital, and you will come home with some of both from the hospital supply.
We had the nursery set up way in advance b/c my husband was freaking out, but that was the room painted and crib and dresser set up. We didn't have any sheets or any other stuff til the shower.
It wasn't a big deal to return/prepare stuff in that last month. I was happy to have something to do b/c the time was dragging. And I was still working up until I went into labor! Sam came on his due date and I had everything I needed. We set up some things after we came home, but I wouldn't have done it earlier anyway-I didn't want the swing and all of that out until I needed it.
Originally, my family shower was scheduled for August 20th, less than a month before my due date. My brother is getting married in late July, so we had to work around that. The more I thought about it, though, the more it made me nervous. A lot of it depends on personality, I think. I am not really a laid back person, so having it that late sort of put me on edge. I don't know what your relationship with them is like, but I was able to talk with my cousin who is throwing the shower and just explain to her why it made me nervous, all while expressing my gratitude. Thankfully, we were able to move it to early July without interfering with my brother's wedding festivities.
I do agree with PP--it would be hard for me, because I share everything with everybody, but if they're giving you this much grief over it, I wouldn't bring it up when you buy something.
For my first shower, I didn't buy a thing until after the shower. I think I was 7 or 8 months along. It wasn't a big deal to wait. I had what I needed for the first few weeks the baby was here. Which was a bassinet, some diapers, wipes, and a few onsies. That's really all you need to buy, until after the shower. I breastfed so it's not like I need to go out and buy bottles and stuff. We had all the big ticket items like the crib dresser and a changing table.
I think you'll be ok if you wait 'til after the shower. Newborns don't need a TON of stuff in the beginning. At least nothing that can't wait 'til after you have your shower.
My mom and MIL said the SAME thing to me. They got all over me when I bought some clothes, diapers, wipes, etc. once we found out we were having a boy. Can't I buy him something?!? HE'S MY KID! They have been very, very generous to us and already purchased a lot of our big ticket items (car seat/stroller, crib, etc.) but I think that we also need to plan and buy things on our own and not expect everyone at our shower to get us everything we need.
My mom asked me yesterday if I wanted the shower before or after the baby comes. Where I'm from, and in our family, it was more common to have the shower after the baby, so that people could see/meet the baby. I think this has changed since the last members of my mom's generation had kids, because my cousin and friend both had their showers before the baby.
I also would like to have the shower before hand, because like you, my FMIL has given me crap for buying baby stuff. (OMG, it's the end of the world, I bought a playpen, because I didn't know anyone was going to have a shower for me).
So, if I'm not "allowed" to buy stuff (HA! I'd like to see anyone stop me) until after my shower, it just makes more sense for it to be pre-baby. To me anyway.
I am not going through your exact situation (thankfully). It sounds tough to have both your mom and mother-in-law all up in your business about what YOU purchase for YOUR baby. Personally, I think it is awesome you are buying things early! One: you are preparing your home and that alleviates possible anxiety for you and DH and Two: you are NOT expecting anyone to buy things to take care of your baby via gifts from baby shower. Gifts should be extra, and I really love how you are thinking forward! I agree with an above poster...Do not tell your mamas! That way they cannot sway your judgement on purchases! Like you said---enjoy this time being a mommy-to-be!
I agree - it is totally a personality thing. I'm a really laid back person, and while I know that I won't NEED a lot of stuff for LO as soon as she's born, I'm also really excited, and I WANT to plan ahead. While I'm really laid back by nature, I can't deny being a nervous about becoming a first-time mom, and my reaction to dealing with that kind of nerves is to plan and over-prepare, so that's my coping mechanism. Also, a lot of my wanting to get stuff now really is about spreading out the costs, and just plain old fashioned excitement, and it bums me out a little that whenever I get excited about buying baby things, I get a hard time for it from MIL and mom - yet they seem to have a new little baby gift for me every time I see them. It's no fair that they get to buy fun baby stuff while hypocritically giving me a hard time about doing the same thing!
Part of the issue with my mom is also that I'm getting a lot of hand-me-down stuff from my brother and SIL (see my post earlier), including a lot of clothes and bedding. I'm beyond excited about that, but my mom keeps adding "well, you don't even know what they have to give you yet, so don't buy things you don't even need." And I know she's right to an extent, but shouldn't my kid be entitled to have some new stuff of her own, and not be stuck with ALL hand-me-downs from her cousins?
Speaking as someone who had 90% hand me downs from older cousins, I totally agree that your baby should have some new stuff. I didn't escape the hand me downs till we moved across the country. I'm a little uptight about having second hand stuff for the baby, even though I have a friend who offered (partly because we have very different styles).
Sorry you're having to deal with this. My showers are earlier (30 and 33 weeks), but MIL is still giving us grief for buying things ahead of the shower. Frankly, we have to spread out the cost between now and September, or we'll never be able to afford everything and stay on target with savings and other money goals.
So every month we've been buying a few things that we consider "necessities." I include things like diapers, feeding, and a place to sleep as necessities--so we've bought cloth diapers (almost our entire stash, got every component on sale), and things like breast pads, BM storage bags, soothies, lanolin, etc. We also already have our crib (borrowing), co-sleeper (bought), dresser (ordered/gift from IL's), one car seat (DH's aunt called us to tell us she was buying it) and glider (ordered/gift from IL's). Knowing that we have all the essentials covered makes me rest a little easier, and once we're done buying the breastfeeding supplies, I'll probably just start putting our monthly budgeted amount on a gift card to use toward anything else we want after the showers are over.
Do you already have some "big" things like a place for baby to sleep, car seat, etc? If not, I think those are definitely reasonable to buy ahead of time with your shower being so late, and diapers are always ok! Especially if you put them on your registry to be able to return later if you need to for sizing, etc. Let us know how things turn out.
We'll always remember our angel baby: BFP 9/24/10, M/C 10/23/10 8w4d