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Austin Babies
am I over-reacting?
DD has nevereverever had a hair cut. DH & I have talked about it and while we may disagree as to when she should get her hair cut, he at least agrees that we should both agree to it when the time finally comes.
Several weeks ago, I noticed that she had little short hairs that resembled bangs. They were "thin" enough that I honestly thought they could be new hair growth, but there was something about the shape/length/look of them that really made me think that someone had cut them. I asked DH - he didn't do it. I asked my parents - not them either. I asked DH if his parents had mentioned cutting her hair after her last overnight visit. He said they hadn't mentioned anything and was sure they would have said something if they had.
Cut to last night and we were eating dinner with his parents for Easter. I don't really remember how we got to the conversation, but MIL admitted that she cut her hair. According to MIL she had hair in her face that was "bothering" DD and they couldn't get it to stay back. So she cut it. Without telling me.
At the end of the day I realize that it is just hair and that it will grow back. And I know MIL didn't have bad intentions. But I just can't get over the fact that she cut her hair and didn't bother to mention it for 2 weeks. And I just can't help but wonder if this is what it will be like for the next however many years - DD will go spend the night at her grandparents' house and come home the next day with (crooked & ugly) bangs.
I have no intention of bringing it up with ILs because this is absolutely not something I want to get into a disagreement and/or stir up ill feelings over. But please at least validate that I have some reason to be bothered.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: am I over-reacting?
B&W Photo by Wildhouse Photography
Validated. 1000%. I would be pissed as hell. I wouldn't want to say anything, either, but I might say something in a light, joking way next time I saw them, like, "Wow! I wonder if she'll come back with a mohawk next time she visits grandma and grandpa!" or something like that.
I'm sorry they did that. That's not cool at all.
B&W Photo by Wildhouse Photography
Nope, totally not over-reacting. I would be pissed too. I wouldn't even let my mom touch C's hair for the longest time. She was itching to trim it but she would never do it without my permission. I probably wouldn't be able to say anything either (hello, I'm the queen of non-confrontation) but maybe DH could casually mention that you would have appreciated if they had let you know (and that they should have asked first).
Edit: I wanted to add that I think it's even more of a big deal since she had never had her 'first haircut'. It's a big milestone for the baby book! Did she even save the trimmings? I definitely wanted to save them for C's first haircut.
Pretty much sums up my feelings.
I'd be LIVID.
ETA: And it's not just a MIl thing - I'd be just as livid if it were my own mom, but she'd never do that in a bajillion years.
(read it. you know you want to.)
anderson . september 2008
vivian . february 2010
mabel . august 2012
I would be livid and might swear something about only allowing them supervised visitation rights for the rest of my child's life.
But (a) I'm very pregnant and have a very short rope right now, and (b) I have serious issues with my ILs and their lack of respect of boundaries.
If not for (a) and (b), I'd still be really, really upset, but probably wouldn't put them on supervised visitation.
Your feelings are totally valid. You're being very rational about it!
I will say that we had to tell the IL's with our first that there were many "firsts" that we didn't want them to do with DS without us there or without our permission. (This is after they took DS to see Santa for the first time without us.) If there are other big things that you and DH have agreed upon, just be sure that all of the extended family (or whomever may have DD in their care) is aware of the "rules."
Good luck!
This. Joking about whether she'll come home with a mohawk next time is just passive-aggressive. The next time you talk to ILs or see them, say (or have DH say) something like, "I was taken by surprise when you said that you cut my daughter's hair. Now that I've had time to think about it, I'm really bothered by it. I know you didn't mean any harm, but we are not comfortable with anyone cutting our child's hair or altering her in any way. That needs to be our decision, and it needs to be something we will handle. In the future, we will make sure that Audrey has plenty of barrettes to use at your house."
Meredith, 6-1-06 and Alex, 11-5-09
that is so not cool it's not even funny.
i would bring it up. first hair cut is a milestone and gets saved and pictures etc.
i'm sorry she cut A's hair
Pissed is the understatement of the year. Livid comes closer.
That said, IMO, this does not count as a first haircut. A first haircut is an event, with pictures and a stylist.
Marisa's 1st haircut was at 2.5, but I'd trimmed it a ton of times before then. Doesn't change that your IL's were waaaaaaay out of line, but you can still have your first real haircut, with the saved lock of hair and pics.
<a href="http://www.thenest.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Home D
This exactly. And I'd also say something.
Maybe I'm more sensitive because of my profession, but that is something very important to me. I wanted it done right, and I wanted it done by me. Granted, the first one involved a miracle blanket and DH holding her head but still....
This. Maybe not completely fine but certainly less irritated than if it had been my ILs. And WTH for them not telling you for TWO weeks?
Our Family Blog
I needed to come back for a follow up comment.
First of all, I agree w/ KA. This definitely doesn't count as a first haircut (and I'm not just saying that)- trims don't count. The first haircut is definitely the one where they wet her hair and she screams until she gets a lollipop and you take before and afters, blah, blah, blah. Tops had his "bangs" trimmed before we took the plunge to cut his mullet.
BUT, the bolded just doesn't make sense. Once you cut the hair (that won't stay back) short, then you don't have the option to use a barette, clips, headband, etc. You either have to keep it short or wait for it to grow out. By cutting it, she made a "bad" situation worse and that's annoying.
Ditto. You're not overreacting at all. I'm very non-confrontational as well, but I would find a way to bring this up if it were me, whether through DH or getting brave a doing it myself. She definitely crossed a line, and I would want to set some boundaries so this sort of thing doesn't happen again.
The O'Baby Blog
Put another firm vote in the validated, would be livid, and you should say something camp! I'm sorry she did that!!
Married and it feels so good!