Politely turning down opinions from family...

karantony47 · April 2011

This is a new thing hubby and I are learning to do.

I never thought I would hear so many different opinions from our families about different things. Things that ONLY the parents should deside, such as the name of the baby, who will be in the delivery room, what size baby clothes to buy, and so on. It is just so annoying to have to defend every decision my husband and I make as a couple about OUR baby. Here's what happened... today at my mom's Easter get together, we all started talking about my shower, which is next weekend. One of the games they are going to play involves the baby's name being listed on a card. The name we have picked for our little one is Christopher Lawrence, he will go by Larry after my FIL. My husband wanted to name him the exact name that my FIL has, I said no because I wanted to come up with our own name... so Christopher Lawrence is what we settled on. Well, my grandma doesn't like the name Larry... she wants to call him Chris and complained like crazy for the rest of the get together. I politely told her he would be going by Larry and if she had a problem with that, she should get pregnant again so she could name her baby whatever she wished. I know I shouldn't have said it like that, but I got tired of the complaining.

Have any of you ladies had a similar problem? If so, what did you do?

1momma · April 2011

Perfect response, and it probably shut her up.

sunset+skies · April 2011

Thankfully, both my family and my IL's have been pretty quiet. If there's something we do that they don't like, I haven't heard of it. Mind you, DH is REALLY good at filtering what my MIL tells him, so that I don't hear half of the crazy stuff.

Friends on the other hand, have been unbearable sometimes. Before we even had a name picked, we had people look at the list and tell us what we should and shouldn't name our child, even going so far as to suggest names that weren't even on the list. As a result, no one's being told what name we DID choose.

I've had people tell me to use specific baby tubs, or not to use a tub at all, and how swaddling blankets shouldn't be used, I should instead have the nurses teach me how to swaddle with a regular blanket. I've been told my child is going to get sick and die in JUNE because I don't plan on putting socks on him if it's really warm.

This is all from friends that I love, but am SO tired of right now. I'm seriously contemplating not answering the phone for a few weeks after he's born so I can have some freedom from judgement.

folkfemme · April 2011

I'm right there with you. We decided on our son's name last night. (Sullivan Grey)

We cannot believe the responses we got from DH's family! My MIL has been calling my baby "Charlie" my entire pregnancy. I've asked her not to repeatedly and she just keeps doing it. Well, when we told her that we're naming the baby Sully she was shocked that we didn't choose Charlie, and expressed that she was hurt that we didn't consider her name. I was shocked that she thought that she was a part of naming OUR son.

Don't listen to them. It's hard, cause I know I want to try to please everybody. But we can't please EVERYONE. What's important is that you and your DH love the name. No body else's opinion matters in the long run.

kattyleigh · April 2011

And this is why we have stayed strong and not told anyone (family or friends) what we are naming him, just like we did with DD. We didn't want to hear opinions that we just didn't care about. It's been hard to keep a secret but worth it. Nobody can complain once the name is on the birth certificate (well at least not to our faces!). Lol. Sorry you are dealing with this. You handled it perfectly.

MommaG123 · April 2011

karantony47:

...name... Well, my grandma doesn't like the name Larry... she wants to call him Chris and complained like crazy for the rest of the get together. I politely told her he would be going by Larry and if she had a problem with that, she should get pregnant again so she could name her baby whatever she wished. I know I shouldn't have said it like that, but I got tired of the complaining.

Have any of you ladies had a similar problem? If so, what did you do?

I would have died... I can only imagine her face! lol

We haven't really had any problems with the anme because we are still undecided so when anyone offers a suggestion I just say "thats an interesting name I will have to tell DH about it" and I change the subject.

Hbowers16 · April 2011

I have also had this problem. My MIL hates the name we picked out. So for the longest time we told them we were undecided. Well last night she asked me and I sank in and told her. Her reaction was ridiculous.She said poor child. She wants us to use her MN which is lynn. I have never liked Lynn, no offense to ppl who have it or are using it. But I just don't like it. Well she also told me a while back that her mom wanted her to name MH something, but she and MH's dad picked another name. I don't know why she can't understand! (apparently before MH met me she and him had picked baby names for his kids, which included Lynn as the middle name) well guess what? I am very opinionated and I like the name I chose, in fact i've had it picked out for 8 yrs. MH loves the name also.

It's your child. As long as it suits you and your H, don't worry about it!

Sazhrah · April 2011

I didn't get any of this with this pregnancy but with DD noone would stop. The name thing was the worst. Everyone wanted us to name her a Hispanic name. It's not that I don't like Hispanic names I just don't want to call my child that. My MIL would come up with names like Estrellita (pronounced Estreyeeta). I couldn't even imagine how people would butcher that one. and she even suggested the dreaded Nevaeh and was seriously hurt that I wouldn't even concider it. Luckily she did that to my Polish SIL with her son so I don't feel so alone.

When people suggest things I just say I will look into and leave it at that. If they continue going it irritates me so I must walk away cause then I get rude.

NovNYC2006 · April 2011

I think you handled it well. I would have loved to be a fly on the wall when you said she could get pregnant again and name the baby whatever she wants!! The best advice I've gotten?? Don't listen to anyone's advice - trust your own instincts.

LaRue86 · April 2011

Before DH and I got married his grandmother told me we needed to have a baby. I told her if she wanted one so freaking bad to go and get pregnant. She said, why would I do that? I said, I dont know, why would I? Unfortunately it didnt shut her up. At one point his family was being so obnoxious about names and that they wanted us to use a family name, that we told them we were naming the baby after MIL's cat, so whether it was a boy or a girl, it would be named Roy...they sadly believed this one...WOW! We have definitely had our fair share of fun, but it has been exhausting. We still have not settled on a boys name and I like to throw them out there and then fall in love with the one they dislike the most. The more family likes a name, the less I like it....

Its frustrating, but I have just learned to make a game out of it...Otherwise I would have snapped by now...

ashleah83 · April 2011

For awhile Tabitha (Tabby) was our front runner and my family hated the name and were really rude harping about it. I told them flat out that if they were not going to be polite, that MH and I would not share our ideas for baby names with them anymore. They quickly apologized. My general thought is that most times family likes to be included in knowing about baby and when they make you feel like not including them, if you just tell them that, they'll back off to make sure they continue to be included.

ashleah83 · April 2011

lovelovelovelovelove:
I'm right there with you. We decided on our son's name last night. (Sullivan Grey)
We cannot believe the responses we got from DH's family! My MIL has been calling my baby "Charlie" my entire pregnancy. I've asked her not to repeatedly and she just keeps doing it. Well, when we told her that we're naming the baby Sully she was shocked that we didn't choose Charlie, and expressed that she was hurt that we didn't consider her name. I was shocked that she thought that she was a part of naming OUR son.
Don't listen to them. It's hard, cause I know I want to try to please everybody. But we can't please EVERYONE. What's important is that you and your DH love the name. No body else's opinion matters in the long run.

I'm shocked! Seriously that is so entitled of her!

karantony47 · April 2011

1momma:
Perfect response, and it probably shut her up.

I got my point across! I just smiled and walked away. Next time she'll think twice before complaining about something that isn't hers to decide in the first place.

karantony47 · April 2011

sunset+skies:
Thankfully, both my family and my IL's have been pretty quiet. If there's something we do that they don't like, I haven't heard of it. Mind you, DH is REALLY good at filtering what my MIL tells him, so that I don't hear half of the crazy stuff.

Friends on the other hand, have been unbearable sometimes. Before we even had a name picked, we had people look at the list and tell us what we should and shouldn't name our child, even going so far as to suggest names that weren't even on the list. As a result, no one's being told what name we DID choose.

I've had people tell me to use specific baby tubs, or not to use a tub at all, and how swaddling blankets shouldn't be used, I should instead have the nurses teach me how to swaddle with a regular blanket. I've been told my child is going to get sick and die in JUNE because I don't plan on putting socks on him if it's really warm.

This is all from friends that I love, but am SO tired of right now. I'm seriously contemplating not answering the phone for a few weeks after he's born so I can have some freedom from judgement.

If we do have another child down the road, I am not going to tell the name before hand. I never thought it would be a big deal what we chose. Aren't people just suppose to say "oh that's a great name"? We get a lot of "who goes by their middle name" responses, but I know plenty of people that do. What does it matter anyways, we like the name we chose for OUR baby, that's all that matters. I think I might be right there with you, I know our families love us but I'm sick of hearing their opinions!

karantony47 · April 2011

lovelovelovelovelove:
I'm right there with you. We decided on our son's name last night. (Sullivan Grey)
We cannot believe the responses we got from DH's family! My MIL has been calling my baby "Charlie" my entire pregnancy. I've asked her not to repeatedly and she just keeps doing it. Well, when we told her that we're naming the baby Sully she was shocked that we didn't choose Charlie, and expressed that she was hurt that we didn't consider her name. I was shocked that she thought that she was a part of naming OUR son.
Don't listen to them. It's hard, cause I know I want to try to please everybody. But we can't please EVERYONE. What's important is that you and your DH love the name. No body else's opinion matters in the long run.

I love your name choice! Sullivan Grey is adorable! My MIL is thrilled about the baby being named after my FIL, but she thought we were naming him FIL's exact name, which I never said we were, she told her friends and some family. When we told her the name we picked, she was like shocked and a little embarrassed, because she had spread around a name we weren't ever using. You're right- you can't please everyone, only our opinion matters.

karantony47 · April 2011

LaRue86:
Before DH and I got married his grandmother told me we needed to have a baby. I told her if she wanted one so freaking bad to go and get pregnant. She said, why would I do that? I said, I dont know, why would I? Unfortunately it didnt shut her up. At one point his family was being so obnoxious about names and that they wanted us to use a family name, that we told them we were naming the baby after MIL's cat, so whether it was a boy or a girl, it would be named Roy...they sadly believed this one...WOW! We have definitely had our fair share of fun, but it has been exhausting. We still have not settled on a boys name and I like to throw them out there and then fall in love with the one they dislike the most. The more family likes a name, the less I like it....

Its frustrating, but I have just learned to make a game out of it...Otherwise I would have snapped by now...

That's awesome! If I named our baby after my MIL's cat, his name would be *** cat! lol! I told my husband today, I'm done with family opinions, we're going to do what we wanna do!

cookierlr1 · April 2011

First of all nice response! Opinionated old ladies are the worst. So far my solution has been "uh huh, uh huh, well thank you I will keep that in mind" its quickly turning into "well that isn't really something I am concerned with at the moment" which has prompted me to just ignore my phone. I mostly get horrible constant unwanted advice from one person so ignoring her has become a bit of a full time job. Everyone else I just try to be patient with, but I have my limits.

cherokeemomma87 · April 2011

I dont see anything wrong with the response you gave her. My grandmother wanted Dh and I to name our first after my late grandfather, which I would have had not problem with as an option if we had not already picked a name out. The name we went with was the name of DH's biological father (his parents died and he was adopted). It is a very old and traditional Irish name, I loved it because of the centiment as well as the meaning and uniqueness.

Well grandma wasnt going to leave it alone, she offerd DH money to change it 2 months before he was due, and wouldnt let it go even after he was born. Now that I am pregnant again the comments have started up again. The last time she broght it up I told her that we have a name picked out and that was that, I wasnt going to listen to anything else about baby names.

karantony47 · April 2011

cookierlr1:

First of all nice response! Opinionated old ladies are the worst. So far my solution has been "uh huh, uh huh, well thank you I will keep that in mind" its quickly turning into "well that isn't really something I am concerned with at the moment" which has prompted me to just ignore my phone. I mostly get horrible constant unwanted advice from one person so ignoring her has become a bit of a full time job. Everyone else I just try to be patient with, but I have my limits.

I am getting to be the same way. I told my husband last night, we are just going to have to start letting the opinions go in one ear and out the other. It is our child and we are going to raise him how we want.

karantony47 · April 2011

cherokeemomma87:

I dont see anything wrong with the response you gave her. My grandmother wanted Dh and I to name our first after my late grandfather, which I would have had not problem with as an option if we had not already picked a name out. The name we went with was the name of DH's biological father (his parents died and he was adopted). It is a very old and traditional Irish name, I loved it because of the centiment as well as the meaning and uniqueness.

Well grandma wasnt going to leave it alone, she offerd DH money to change it 2 months before he was due, and wouldnt let it go even after he was born. Now that I am pregnant again the comments have started up again. The last time she broght it up I told her that we have a name picked out and that was that, I wasnt going to listen to anything else about baby names.

I just really don't see where people think they have the right to tell you what you should name YOUR baby, it just pisses me off. They will just not know the next baby's name before hand because I don't want to hear the complaining. Urgh! Wow, it sounds like you had a handful to deal with too... I'm so sorry.

Want a personalized experience?

Politely turning down opinions from family...

Re: Politely turning down opinions from family...

Choose Another Board

Search Boards